Bono Is One Of The Richest Musicians In The Known Universe

And you can curse at the “like” button for that.

One of my biggest regrets in life, besides drinking an all-green protein shake for breakfast today (BARF! NEVER AGAIN!),  is not getting a job as a janitor, muralist or glory hole attendant at Facebook during its earlier days. Because if I did, about this time tomorrow I’d be writing Dlisted posts from my private island while clones of Prince Hot Ginge feed me a fresh batch of Zingers I had flown in on my invisible Wonder Woman plane flown by Lynda Carter herself. As you know by now, Facebook went public today and not only is this going to make Mark Zuckerberg a boy billionaire 20 times over, but it might make Bono richer than Paul McCartney.

HuffPo says that in 2009, Bono’s company Elevation Partners invested $90 million in Facebook, which earned them 2.3 percent of the company. With Facebook’s IPO expected to hit $100 billion, Elevation Partners’ shares could be worth up to $1.5 billion. The not-at-all reliable Celebrity Net Worth says Bono’s solid gold money vault is filled with around $900 million. Depending on how much of Elevation’s earnings belongs personally to Bono, he could be richer than Paul McCartney by the end of the day. Paul McCartney is currently worth around $1.05 billion.

Bono is obviously going to use a lot of that money to fund his various charitable causes, or at least he’s going to use a lot of that money to throw a charity benefit where U2 will play for a $5 million fee and A-listers will drink $20-a-sip champagne. But Bono should also use that money to build a portable moat around him, because that booming hopping sound you hear is Heather Mills coming to snatch his ass!