Seen here licking up the dollar signs that regularly blow out of Pimp Mama Kris’ ass at Ellen K’s Hollywood Walk of Fame ceremony last week, Ryan Seacrest is moving out of his Hobbit cottage and into a gigantic ass estate that’s almost bigger than his home village of Hobbiton in the Shire. Both the Hollywood Reporter and TMZ say that Ryan is now the proud owner of Ellen Degeneres’ $49 million compound. It’s the estate that the Kuntrashians and American Idol bought!
TMZ is hearing that Ryan is paying only a couple million dollars below asking, but a different source tells THR that Joel McHale’s littlest arch rival is paying far from asking. It doesn’t matter if Ryan paid with a giant pot of gold or with an adorable leprechaun jig, he’s still calling three acres in Beverly Hills “home.” On the three acres is a 9,200-square-foot mansion, a 3-bedroom house, 2 guest houses and a pool that Ryan may drown in if he forgets to wear his water wings. Ellen bought the place in 2007 for $29 million and spent five years and several million dollars building the other properties on the estate. Ellen listed it a year ago for $60 million but later reduced that shit to $49 million. Real estate agent Kurt Rappaport worked out the deal for both Ellen AND Ryan, so if you’re related to him now is the time to ask for a loan you won’t pay back.
This is a big estate for such a tiny man boy, but Ryan needs the room! The goats he sacrifices to Lucifer to keep the Kuntrashians on top of the whore chain will stay in one house, his beards will stay in another and he and his relatives will use the third house to make the delicious Fudge Stripe cookies we all love. But seriously, screw Ryan for this. Ryan infected humanity with the oozing, pus-filled ass wart that is the Kuntrashians and this is how he’s punished? With a multi-million dollar palace? I hope that every time he shuts his tiny eyelids in that place, Ray J’s boomerang dick haunts his dreams. Actually, I don’t think he’d mind that…
Here’s a few pictures of Ryan’s new leprechaun kingdom and a few more from Ellen K’s Walk of Fame ceremony. It’s been a long minute since I’ve seen Ellen K. When did she become a mash-up of every Real Housewife of Orange County?