Brit Brit as an X-Factor judge sort of makes sense, because think of all the ad dollars from Starbucks, Frito-Lay and Taco Bell she’ll bring in, and if she goes off the script that her puppet handlers will feed into her ear during the live shows, she could be entertaining. Like watching a trailer full of blond weave tracks slowly tumble down an embankment. But Demi Lovato?! Chaka Khan practically threw herself at Simon Cowell for the job and he gives it to a trick who is probably known by most of the world as, “?????????” Hell, Chaka could’ve pulled off her hair, dropped it into the judge’s chair and it still would make a better judge than Demi Lovato. Seeing these four trollops judge a singing competition together is either going to be as awkwardly stiff as visiting your boyfriend in the mental hospital the morning after he had a nervous breakdown in a gay bar (true story) or it’s going to be a glorious disaster.
Simon Cowell confirmed all the rumors at the FOX Upfronts in NYC today by officially announcing Brit Brit and Demi as Paul Abdul and Nicole Scherwhatever’s replacements. Brit Brit’s conservators will make $15 million from this and maybe give her a $20 a week as allowance. Demi will probably be paid in a validated parking pass and a $5 lunch voucher for the cafeteria.
In all seriousness, we shouldn’t be surprised by Simon’s choices, because what do you expect from a grown man who combs his hair so it looks like he’s got a hairy butt on his head. I really hope John Travolta tries to fuck Simon’s hair.
Here’s a few pictures from Upfronts today and it’s nice to see that Brit Brit still has a special way with making a $5,000 designer dress look like some shit from Rainbow.