Brandi Glanville recently told NW Magazine, in so many words, that if murdering the life out of a luckdragon didn’t automatically get you a life sentence in the Ivory Tower, she would’ve killed Falcor Rimes a long time ago. Brandi said that the kids at her son’s soccer game almost witnessed two plastic praying mantises with fake tits go at it after she strolled onto the field and caught LeAnn Rimes having a sweet bonding experience with her son. Brandi knew how Bridget Fonda felt in Single White Female, because there was LeAnn Rimes with her son, her old husband and her current tits. Brandi nearly stabbed a trick in the eye with stiletto:
“I remember walking up . . . and there she was with my baby in her lap. My blood was boiling, and I thought I was going to kill her. I really thought I was going to physically hurt her. That was the first time I saw her that way–she was sitting in my soccer chair, under my tent, she’s got my kid on her lap and she’s with my husband, and that was that little moment of total irrational fury.”
Brandi says that she’s never going to make LeAnn a friendship bracelet, but LeAnn gets along with her boys and that’s all she really cares about. However, a source close to LeAnn (aka the full-time fanfiction writer LeAnn hired to stretch Brandi’s quote to fuckery proportions for maximum exposure) tells Celebuzz that Brandi regularly threatens to turn her into weave glue and LeAnn hasn’t been this scared since one of her stepsons threw a rubber snake at her hooves. The source says that LeAnn is thinking of taking a restraining order out against that crazy bitch:
“Brandi has told LeAnn to her face multiple times that she would kill her if she could. LeAnn is scared of Brandi and believes she is unstable. LeAnn’s own mother is concerned for her daughter’s safety too and regularly calls her to tell her so.”
Stupid dramatic bitches being stupid dramatic bitches. Brandi knows exactly what to say to get space in UsWeekly and the only hos LeAnn is taking a restraining order out against are the Four Wind Giants for trying to mess with her while she’s flying through Fantastica. But you better believe LeAnn is going to use this to her advantage. LeAnn wasn’t going to eat that plate of food anyway, but now she’s really not going to eat that plate of food in case Brandi dropped poison in it. And LeAnn was going to call the paparazzi anyway, but now she’s really going to call them so they can get photographic evidence if Brandi tries to run her over. LeAnn might’ve been diagnosed as “lame” by the farm where she was born, but she ain’t dumb!