Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 14, 2012 / Posted by:

Sarah from the upcoming The Amazing Race Australia, Season 2 – Starting sometime today, I will start training my chihuahua to sit real still in the basket of a tiny hot air balloon with a satellite dish hat on his head so that I can get the channel in Australia that airs Amazing Race, because I must see Sarah’s delicately drawn crowbar eyebrows in motion. Sarah might be 32, but her eyebrows are at least 111 years old, because they were definitely transplanted from the face of a Victorian era villainess witch whose brows were fed by the fear of street children.

Sarah looks like a mash-up of Angie Everheart and Eva Mendes as drawn by a low-level Disney animator, which means she has natural beauty. Sarah’s feet don’t operate unless they’re wearing a pair of ultra elegant Easy Spirit pumps, which means she’s as graceful as a butterfly wearing crystal ballet shoes. Watching Sarah stumble across the world in her 9-5 secretary pumps with her wild chichis flopping around must be like watching Swan Lake.

I am so hypnotized with Sarah’s gorgeousness that I didn’t even mention her 23-year-old piece and teammate. They’re calling them “Team Cougar” because of their (caution: sarcasm ahead) massively huge 9 year age difference. Sarah is old enough to be his mom’s oldest child. SCANDAL! But you know, I want to think Sarah and her piece are going to win this shit, but they’re not. How are they ever going to be able to complete challenges? Every time they land in a new country, the natives will immediately grab Sarah and carry her through the streets while worshiping her beauty by throwing the petals of their country’s flower at her. They’re going to mistake her for a princess or a goddess or an E! reality star or some shit. That’s going to get in the way.

(For Adrienne)

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