Lisa Marie Presley Probably Broke Up With Xenu

May 13, 2012 / Posted by:

Yeah, I don’t know if that’s a Death Eater of Tommy Girl in costume a mutant thetan to spook that bitch into Scientology.

A few months ago, we all channeled Oda Mae Brown and let out a “Molly, you danger girl” at Lisa Marie Presley when a blind item claimed that she was fucking done with Scientology, professionally and personally. Well, the Village Voice is now saying that on Lisa Marie’s new album there’s a break-up song dedicated to L. Ron Hubbard and Elvis’ daughter isn’t fucking around. E-meters will ROLL! In the song “So Long,” Lisa Marie sings:

This here is a city without lights
Those are all the people without eyes
Churches, they don’t have a soul
Soup for sale without a bowl
Religion so corrupt and running lives
Farewell, fair weathered friends
I can’t say I’ll miss you in the end

So long, seems that I was so wrong
Seems I wasn’t that strong
Dead wrong, and now I’m long gone
Wrong side, I’ve been sleeping on the wrong side
Stains all over my soul I can’t hide
Nothing’s more clear than goodbye

These roads they don’t lead to anything
These people they talk, they say nothing
Actors who don’t have a part
Heartfelt people with no heart
I’ll find a new crowd
Make a new start
Farewell, fair weathered friends
I can’t say I’ll miss you in the end


So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, say nothing at all if you’ve nothing nice to say

Lisa Marie’s rep didn’t respond when the VV asked for a comment. Jefferson Hawkins, a former alien worshipper who jumped from the mothership a while ago, read the lyrics and says it’s obvious Lisa Marie is over that shit:

“I think it expresses how a lot of people feel when they leave Scientology — they have realized that it is a corrupt church, and is trying to control its members, micromanage their lives. They realize that it is a church without a soul.”

That peanut brittle breaking sound echoing in your ears is from Priscilla Presley trying to move the shellacked muscles in her face to look naturally shocked for the first time in decades.

Personally, I’d rather Lisa Marie’s goodbye song be the sound of her wet farting hard into an E-meter, but this will work too. Scientology is having the worst month ever. First, all of the details of John Travolta’s hungry hungry anus come flying out of the closet and now this shit? I bet the walls of Scientology’s headquarters are seeing the greatest dramatic cunt meltdown since Kirstie Alley and Tommy Girl both showed up to the church’s Halloween party dressed up like a slutty L. Ron Hubbard. I just wish Suri was live-Tumblring the whole thing.

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