Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 12, 2012 / Posted by:

Santino (not that Santino) a chimp at Sweden’s Furuvik Zoo who is sick of being on display (Melissa Gorga feels his pain) for us humans and is revolting! The chimp uprising has found its leader. I’m sure James Franco, Marky Mark, hologram Charlton Heston or whoever the hell is staring in those Planet of the Apes movies nowadays is going to find a way to take credit for this.

One day in 2010, 34-year-old Santino showed a group of peeping bitches at the zoo that he didn’t want to be their amusement anymore by throwing rocks while screaming at them. None of the visitors were hit, because they ran out of the way in time. ABC News reports that according to a study recently published PLoS ONE, the same group of visitors came back later in the day to try to get another look at Santino. Santino was not having it, but he figured out a new strategy. Santino nonchalantly chewed on an apple with one hand while discreetly holding a rock with the other. When he got within throwing range, he hurled the rock and watched those whores scatter. You haven’t seen a chimp bust an internal orgasm of happiness until you’ve seen Santino watch his victims run for their lives!

When visitors realized what Santino was up to, he got sneakier and sneakier. Santino brought out a pile of hay from his sleeping area and placed it close to where visitors approach. Santino hid a bunch of ammunition under the hay. Every time an enemy got close enough, he’d casually strut up to his pile of hay, quickly grab a rock and chuck it at the bitch. Santino did this for almost four months until the zoo closed for the season. When the zoo reopened for the 2011 season, Santino declared that stoning was so last season and he retired his rock-throwing hand, but researchers think that he’s quietly coming up with a more devious plan to take over the world and make us his slave bitches.

I, for one, welcome our new chimp overlord. It’s refreshing, because unlike his relatives, the Kardashians, Santino does not live for having all eyes on him. I know, it was wrong of me to compare Santino to the Kuntrashians and I should be stoned for that alone. Fire up the bong!

(For Victor)

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