Hot Slut Of The Day!
Santino (not that Santino) a chimp at Sweden's Furuvik Zoo who is sick of being on display (Melissa Gorga feels his pain) for us humans and is revolting! The chimp uprising has found its leader. I'm sure James Franco, Marky Mark, hologram Charlton Heston or whoever the hell is staring in those Planet of the Apes movies nowadays is going to find a way to take credit for this.
One day in 2010, 34-year-old Santino showed a group of peeping bitches at the zoo that he didn't want to be their amusement anymore by throwing rocks while screaming at them. None of the visitors were hit, because they ran out of the way in time. ABC News reports that according to a study recently published PLoS ONE, the same group of visitors came back later in the day to try to get another look at Santino. Santino was not having it, but he figured out a new strategy. Santino nonchalantly chewed on an apple with one hand while discreetly holding a rock with the other. When he got within throwing range, he hurled the rock and watched those whores scatter. You haven't seen a chimp bust an internal orgasm of happiness until you've seen Santino watch his victims run for their lives!
When visitors realized what Santino was up to, he got sneakier and sneakier. Santino brought out a pile of hay from his sleeping area and placed it close to where visitors approach. Santino hid a bunch of ammunition under the hay. Every time an enemy got close enough, he'd casually strut up to his pile of hay, quickly grab a rock and chuck it at the bitch. Santino did this for almost four months until the zoo closed for the season. When the zoo reopened for the 2011 season, Santino declared that stoning was so last season and he retired his rock-throwing hand, but researchers think that he's quietly coming up with a more devious plan to take over the world and make us his slave bitches.
I, for one, welcome our new chimp overlord. It's refreshing, because unlike his relatives, the Kardashians, Santino does not live for having all eyes on him. I know, it was wrong of me to compare Santino to the Kuntrashians and I should be stoned for that alone. Fire up the bong!
(For Victor)
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I have a friend who works at a zoo and she swears the chimps are plotting against her. Chimps don't play.
props to this mother-fucking chimp. i wish more chimps had his balls.
"Submitted by WithinReason... on Sat, 05/12/2012 - 2:05pm.
Submitted by Anonymouse73 on Sat, 05/12/2012 - 1:57pm.
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You should approach them with your back turned??? I didn't know that (I haven't been to a zoo in years!) But it makes sense, it's a sign of aggression to look them in the eyes. They learn quickly but the visitors are really intruding into their yard...
Those dumbasses were probably taunting the gorillas too! smh
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Yeah, dude. I did not know that, either, but there were signs up so I did it...my back up against the glass enclosure. These aholes were like, "What are you doing??" I told them that is how you are supposed to approach them so they don't go apeshit (no pun intended!) and they scoffed. I didn't see them teasing them at all, but plenty of other people were. I absolutely hate the primate house at the National Zoo. All of stupid humanity on display.
" Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer"..William S. Burroughs
all hail, Santino!!!
The zoo should just be happy it's rocks and not feces.
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Please: It's "rahnday."
Good for him. Zoos, while interesting, are kind of fucking sad.
We got invited to a rodeo when my kid was seven or so - a big thing in a giant arena where baseball games are played ("Candlestick", it used to be called). And the clowns were baiting this raging bull by riding on a rotating see saw.
Not one minute into it, the bull charged straight into the center of the seesaw, looked to have snapped his neck, and hit the floor like a fucking demolished building. BLAM. Gasps, groans, then silence. Even the clowns were stunned for a minute. The bull never moved another muscle.
He was a ton of cold motionless bull laying there, in front of thousands of children, mine included.
Eventually they dragged him off, and we had to explain it to our worried kids - maybe he would wake up, maybe he'd be okay, maybe he was just knocked out.
I think unless they invented ventilators and wheelchairs for bulls, they shot that bull with a quickness and split the meat between them before we left the building.
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God don't like ugly.
Fury, the hub says in 6 months time he should have a better handle on where things are going career-wise.
Who knows what the future will bring to any of us, you know? I'm just going to make the best of it. I could not live in this tiny apartment (and def. not with 2 cats!) although it has a great semi-private terrace.
Whatever happens, I consider myself lucky to be able to come to Hong Kong a couple of times a year, and to learn the language and culture.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Deb, my husband is on a plane to France as I type. It's very hard but he lives home with us and can be home as long as 4-6 weeks (but then gone every week for 6 weeks-type thing but home on weekends) but that must be SO hard on you!
I'm glad you have your own business at home but doing it all alone can't be easy.
I agree, I've heard the cost of living is just ESCANDALO out there. Not to mention very crowed and tiny apartments. I'm used to so much space.
Is there light at the end of the tunnel or is this life as you know it - at least for now?
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Dark-sided!
Fury, no human kids. Two cats are our kids. The hub LIVES and works here. I come out to see him, and he comes back to visit me. YOU know it's hard when the hub is not home most of the time.
We've talked about the kitties and I moving here. However, the job sitch is tenuous. Housing costs here are astronomical, and we own a home which will be pretty hard to sell. Lastly I have a small landscape design/gardening business.
So for now, it's skype and visits every few months.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Deb, that's great, I'm glad you had such a good day! You're lucky you get to travel with your husband. Do you have mini Deb's? Or are no mini-Debs why you get to see the world?!
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Dark-sided!
Fury, we had a great day yesterday! Took the Wan Chai Ferry over to Kowloon. Walked about, had an amazing lunch at a Vietamese restaurant in a glamourous mall, had foot and body massages, shopped at this really cool Thai store that sells great skin care products, went to Delaney's, an awesome Irish Pub for a couple of Guinnesses, then back for cocktials and pizza on the terrace.
Today started with rain, but we'll have fun.
Hong Kong is well worth the trip. I like it better, every time I come here.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Deb, I've been jelli hatin' on your trip!
Hong Kong is on my list but that list is long!
Did you get to go out a bit with your husband? I know you said he's working like a dog - as all of them are when in China/Japan/Asia in general...not a lot of time for sight-seeing.
Mr Fury was in Shanghai and Beijing last month. He did get to see a bit but China is so huge and there is so much to see!
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Dark-sided!
Hey IF! Yes, for one more day and night. It's 10:16 am on Sunday. Then it's back to fast and furious landscaping!
Hey CONGRATS on your published article! Way to go! And Happy Mother's Day in advance! (and to all the Dlisted Moms!)
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Submitted by WithinReason... on Sat, 05/12/2012 - 3:16pm.
If the animals are treated well, zoos do serve a purpose. Kids love them and it's a great way to teach them about the animal kingdom. But yeah, it's sad to see their faces when they are in captivity and have not much to do but sit there! Animal sanctuaries are a great option where they are free to roam and are still protected!
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I agree, WithinReason. There is a fine line between exploitation and education. People need to see animals in order to relate to them and care about their futures and habitats.
If they are treated humanely and given good lives, zoos can educate humans rather than exploit animals.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Bunnyman, I'm very sorry for your loss.
Deb, are you still abroad? ________________________________
Dark-sided!
Bunnyman, so sorry for the loss of your beloved pet. Sending hugs.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
One of my pets died this afternoon but reading this from Michael K. was the only thing that could put a smile on my face.
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"There'll be war and there'll be peace
Everything one day will cease.
All the iron turns to rust
All the Cloud Men turn to dust."
- Pink Floyd "Childhood's End"
WTF is Santino doing in cold ass Sweden? The destruction of animals' natural habitations for our convenience will come back to haunt us. We go down if the natural chain of life gets destroyed. I don't have many answers but I do think we need to leave animals aloooooooone. They didn't fucking ask for this.
(takes soap box and scampers off)
Free Santino! Set him free!
Ha Ha, this is hilarious. Good for you, Santino. I deal with human bitches all the time, and I salute you !
Submitted by TrashyWilma on Sat, 05/12/2012 - 2:38pm.
Sometimes I think most people belong in zoos.
agreed! nothing gets me angrier faster than animal abuse stories.
and im happy to see so many of you guys also think zoos are fucked up and wrong. i remember reading that the jersey shore (i think?) restoration or maybe coney island (?), was gonna bring back the "make a horse high dive into water" attraction, but didnt cuz of so much public protest
*feels mildly better about humanity* at least not all people are pieces of shit.....
When I lived in Detroit I LOVED The zoo. It's open space, no cages.
They had a gorilla named "Sunshine" who would flip you off once you got his attention.
I don't blame him. The last time I went to a zoo, must have been like 20 years ago one of the gorillas looked super depressed sitting in his indoor glass cage. Never went to a zoo again.
When I was younger, I went to the Atlanta Zoo with my family but one particular day all i could do was be sad about the big cats. I have also gotten very sad about caged bears. I know they are not cuddle time mates, but something that high on the food chain living like that is rather disturbing to me.
Santino FTW!
Lmao he's probably sharpening sticks to throw some spears. Anyways I love ur site lol ur so funny. I love ur jokes. K bye
Santino should have given the finger ;> ; or be given more privacy, he has rights.
We've never been to a circus or zoo where the kids haven't felt sorry for the animals. I remember feeling that way, when I was a little girl, too. I think most kids feel that way when they realize what zoos and circuses are.
If the animals are treated well, zoos do serve a purpose. Kids love them and it's a great way to teach them about the animal kingdom. But yeah, it's sad to see their faces when they are in captivity and have not much to do but sit there! Animal sanctuaries are a great option where they are free to roam and are still protected!
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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He actually stopped cause they snipped his balls.
If we HAVE to have zoos, then I prefer they are like San Diego's Wild Animal Park where the animals are put into large areas that are more like their natural habitat and they are free to roam about in these.
The San Diego zoo is known for being very good to their animals but I still have a hard time going there, and forget about ever entering the LA Zoo.
I really think we should keep an eye on Santino and any of his offspring, you know he's planning an uprise......side-eye.
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
I've never seen Santino without a hat. Not that Santino, the other one. Latrice ("Well I'm just a couch sittin' on a couch, bitch!") Royale got her wish.
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Sat, 05/12/2012 - 2:05pm.
ah Dog, I just did some Googling and found the HuffPo link about Petey giving his kitten a crackpipe. That's some Michael Vick shit right there. Poor kitteh :(
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I'm not even an animal lover, and I think it's despicable.
But, since we're all trading animal cruelty stories, the worst was the one I saw a few years back, where someone in Northern Ireland threw a cat onto a lit bonfire.
What possible thought process would go through someone's mind before they did that?
I'm torn. On one hand, zoos seem inhumane but on the other, the animals would be dead in the wild due to poachers. There was a story on Rock Center a few weeks ago about how the rhino horn business is so strong, it's fueling the black market. So do we let the animals go extinct? Do we keep them in captivity? Do we kill all humans and let the animals have the planet back?
It would be cool if there was a zoo where the people were in a glass/fenced tunnel and the animals roamed freely. Like on a safari! Any person caught disturbing the animals could then be tasered lightly, low-voltage, just enough teach them a lesson! *almost serious, but kidding* lol ;p
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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At Disney's Animal Kingdom, they have gorillas in a huge enclosure behind glass. Most of the time the gorillas are lying next to the glass, I think because they find people just as interesting.
People pound on the glass, give the middle finger to the gorillas, and basically try to upset them. It's gotten so bad that they now have to employ a person to stand there and tell people to act civilized.
Sometimes I think most people belong in zoos.
FUNNY squared.
These guys are strong. Seems he could kill someone if he hummed a rock and it connected to someone's head. Feel bad fim being all irritated and shit, but I would laugh if I saw this. The zoos here in DFW are nice and have a lot of natural habitats for the animals. The zoos in China are disgusting from what I've seen/read on the net.
http://www.darkwingtower.com/artwork/mojo.html
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Eazy E's own prescription for "nourishing the inner aspect", Nutz On Ya Chin.
Submitted by Dog on Sat, 05/12/2012 - 1:56pm.
Misslainey, I'm with you. I remember seeing pictures of Kate Moss and Pete Dougherty tossing cigarette butts to the penguins at a zoo and the poor things tried to eat them. The two assholes thought it was uproariously funny. I can deal with zoos if they're totally for the animals they house but what I cannot stand are circuses. I don't care what the spokepeople say, they are NOT humane. They are cruel and no animal should be displayed for human entertainment.
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1,000% with you on circuses. Gawd, they're so inhumane. A circus came to our city a few years back and while it was in town (in a big parking lot, no less) a friend & I met for a couple of drinks.* We were bitching about how cruel circuses are & how pissed we were (in more ways than one)about the whole thing and she suggested that we sneak down there and free the elephants.
We came *this* close. *holding thumb & forefinger one inch apart*..but in our drunken haze we realized that having frightened elephants stampeding through the city might not be too smart either.
Also, we both worked for the police department and thought we better not. :(
*Couple of drinks = 3 vats of wine.
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People say that animals born in captivity can't miss what they never experienced but I disagree. I think on some level, probably the genetic, they know what they're missing.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Last time I went to the zoo, we stopped by the orangutans, my favorite primates. I freaking love those orangutans. But they were all sad and looked at the humans with side eyes screaming,
" get a life A holes!!".
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Worrying is using your imagination
to create something you don’t want.
Submitted by Dog on Sat, 05/12/2012 - 2:01pm.
Submitted by SpottedDogRanch on Sat, 05/12/2012 - 1:58pm.
Dog - I dunno. Maybe you should ask Angela?!?!
O.O
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Oh, now, was that nice? I ask you. Was it?
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Admit it. You laughed.
Go enjoy your onions and leek pot roast. Go on now. Eat it up! Anomnomnom! ♥♥♥
Submitted by misslainey on Sat, 05/12/2012 - 1:50pm.
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I hate zoos too. Don't even get me started on places like Sea World and circuses. Let animals stay in their natural habitats.
Submitted by Anonymouse73 on Sat, 05/12/2012 - 1:57pm.
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You should approach them with your back turned??? I didn't know that (I haven't been to a zoo in years!) But it makes sense, it's a sign of aggression to look them in the eyes. They learn quickly but the visitors are really intruding into their yard...
Those dumbasses were probably taunting the gorillas too! smh
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦♮♠░░░░
I hate the zoo. Zoos suck. So much that I was done with my first bong load before i got to your instruction...
ah Dog, I just did some Googling and found the HuffPo link about Petey giving his kitten a crackpipe. That's some Michael Vick shit right there. Poor kitteh :(
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"Russian machine never breaks."
- Alex Ovechkin, #8
WASHINGTON CAPITALS STANLEY CUP CHAMPS 2012
Submitted by SpottedDogRanch on Sat, 05/12/2012 - 1:58pm.
Dog - I dunno. Maybe you should ask Angela?!?!
O.O
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Oh, now, was that nice? I ask you. Was it?
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Sat, 05/12/2012 - 2:00pm.
Submitted by Dog on Sat, 05/12/2012 - 1:56pm.
Misslainey, I'm with you. I remember seeing pictures of Kate Moss and Pete Dougherty tossing cigarette butts to the penguins at a zoo and the poor things tried to eat them. The two assholes thought it was uproariously funny. I can deal with zoos if they're totally for the animals they house but what I cannot stand are circuses. I don't care what the spokepeople say, they are NOT humane. They are cruel and no animal should be displayed for human entertainment.
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What the hell? I always thought Petey was simply a loony crackhead that was only a danger to himself. I hope the penguins come back and bitchslap those two assholes back into the gutters of Camden where they belong.
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Apparently you don't know his history with kittens. Sick fucking asshole.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by joe shmoe on Sat, 05/12/2012 - 1:47pm.
"I always feel like a voyeur staring at primates, particularly gorillas, in captivity. Their eyes look so intelligent and when they look back, they look so disgusted & depressed."
True dat, Joe.
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Who are you calling silly cow?