Anne Hathaway’s At The Beach

Well, now I know what I would look like if I changed my ethnicity, flat ironed my hair with two steam irons, used a teeth pump to grow my teefs, bleached my skin and somehow found a way to move the chunks of lard in my gut up into my titty area. Thanks for that, Anne Hathaway!

With her skin covered in SPF: Anti-Tan Mom, Anne frolicked and dipped into the ocean in Miami with some of her friends including polo player Nacho Figueras. As some of your asses know, Anne has a good reason for why her hair looks like it was cut by a 95-year-old blind paraplegic man with blunt knives tied to the stumps where his hands used to be. Bitch did it for that Les Miserable movie. So because Anne will probably win an OSCAH! (or at least a Razzie), I won’t totally shade her for looking like a 19th century street urchin boy who singed his hair off while roasting rats on a trash can grill. It’s very “please, sir, can I want some more” glamour.