The Coal Miner’s Daughter Is Going To Broadway

May 11, 2012 / Posted by:

……and it’s going to star Zooey Deschanel as Loretta Lynn. I’ll wait here while you ask Siri, “WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?

At a show at the Grand Ole Opry in 1979, Loretta brought Sissy Spacek onstage and announced she handpicked Sissy to play her in the Coal Miner’s Daughter. Loretta did the same thing for Zooey at the Ryman Auditorium last night. According to Playbill, Loretta told the audience:

“It’s a long way from Butcher Holler to Broadway in New York City. I never imagined I’d see ‘Coal Miner’s Daughter’ on a movie screen, and now I can’t believe it’s going to be on a stage for people to see,” said Lynn. “I’m going to be right there in the front row. And I know Zooey is going to be great – she sings and writes her own songs just like I do, and we even have the same color eyes!”

The show has a star, a website and producers, but it doesn’t have writers or a director, so it might not even happen. Yeah, I’d rather Loretta Lynn play Loretta Lynn on Broadway (yes, she still can) than a come-to-life Holly Hobbie doll who is too damn lazy to look outside her window to see if it’s raining, but I don’t have any feelings either way about this. But mostly that’s because the only feeling I’m feeling right now is queasiness. It isn’t from this news, it’s from eating a multi-vitamin with my lunch. See, I try to do something healthy and my body rejects it! I bet this wouldn’t have happened if I ate a donut with my lunch. Fuck vitamins!

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