VaJohnny Is Intact

May 10, 2012 / Posted by:

People said earlier this year that Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis’ relationship had a hole in it bigger than the gap in her moufs and their sources didn’t think there was any chance of them patching that shit up. Johnny was off grinding on tricks in the club while drunk out of his head skull and Vanessa was off being a mom in the French countryside or some shit. It was one of those “THEY’RE LIVING TWO DIFFERENT LIVES!!!!” kind of stories. Vanessa quickly said in so many words that the rumors weren’t true. Now it’s Johnny’s turn to spit out a denial. During the London premiere of the abomination that is the Dark Shadows movie, the mash-up of Adam Ant and Keith Richards told The Sun that he’s still happily slipping his tongue in Gappy’s gap:

“They are absolutely not true. No matter what I say about this, people believe the opposite. I can’t say enough about it not being over.”

That’s wonderful and everything, but The Sun asked the wrong question. They should’ve asked Johnny why he broke up with shampoo and when can we expect them to start “canoodling” again? That’s the question I really need the answer to.

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