Why The Hell Isn't Jennifer Love Hewitt In This Mess?
When Fox announced that they were mashing together NBC's The Voice and The Dating Game by airing a blind date show with celebrities in spinning chairs, I figured that they would take the definition of "celebrity" all the way and blow a star dust storm in our eyes. I'm not wrong! Last night, Entertainment Weekly posted the list of stars who sit and spin for a date on The Choice, and they really reached deep into the A-list universe for this one. And by that I mean they went on their tiptoes, reached into the A-list universe, lost their balance and fell backwards into the bottom of a barrel where they found most of their cast. When Joe Jonas is the biggest star, you know the rest of the cast is going to make the first season of The Surreal Life look like a night at the Oscars.
Here's the full list and prepare to repeatedly say the line White Oprah says to her youngest one (aka the one who doesn't make her any money) when he asks her for a hug: "And you are....?"
Joe Jonas - Former purity ring wearer, sometime yodeler and current blind item star
Pauly D - Jersey Shore whore and #3 on the Health Department's Most Wanted list
Romeo - Child rapper, child actor and the trick who confuses my nipples since he sort of looks like Webster on roids
Dean Cain - Rick Perry supporter and the Superman to Teri Snatcher's Lois
Tyson Beckford - Supermodel and one of the biggest advocates of the Bushy Pubes for Men Club
Rima Fakih - Noted drunk driver and Miss USA 2010
Carmen Electra - A flower from Prince's garden
Sophie Monk - Australian pop something and fellow Wonky McValtrex hater
Rob Kardashian - Ugh
Rocco DiSpirito - Part-time chef, full-time reality whore
Warren Sapp - Football player
Finesse Mitchell - Comedian and former SNL cast member
Jeremy Bloom - Olympic freestyle skier
Jason Cook - Soap opera actor
Michael Catherwood - Co-host of Loveline, former DWTS contestant and the trick whose last name sounds like the medical name for getting a boner while a catheter's up on your peen
Seth Wescott - Olympic snowboarder
Parker Young - The hot but dumb jock son of Ana Gasteyer on Suburgatory
Ndamukong Suh - Football player
Dr. Robert Nettles - Plastic surgeon
Taylor Hicks - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!
The Situation - Jersey Shore whore and #1 on the Health Department's Most Wanted list
Rob Gronkowski - Football player
Steven López - Olympic martial arts fighter
Hope Dworaczyk - Playboy Playmate of 2010
See. It's like looking at a line-up of all your one-night stands. So many questions marks filling your head!
You know who's missing from this, though? JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT! The Choice is something right out of her Vajazzled wet dreams. It was made for her. Was Fox afraid that there wouldn't be any men for the other tricks, because every time one came out, JLove would tackle him and secure him with a tuxedo straitjacket before dragging him to the nearest chapel? Did legal not clear JLove, because they were afraid of all the accessory to stalking lawsuits they'd be hit with? Oh, whatever. JLove doesn't need to be on the show to catch a man. During every taping, JLove will hide around the corner from the studio exit door with a rope in her hand. Whenever she smells a man, she'll drop the rope and a cage will fall on him. SCORE! JLove never gets a husband, but she ALWAYS gets her man.
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Nobody made the obvious joke of calling this show The Beard ?
I guess they don't care that none of these people are appealing in anyway. And don't they have to pass STD screenings? Because a handful SHORE are infected. And I guess they realize a few are gay?
Maybe the first test should be like pin the tail on the donkey. Blindfold each of them, hand them a syringe of Penicillin and off they go....
Obviously Joe Jonas needs the money and also he will provide good advice about contracts in case you need a beard.
"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
Submitted by HollyG on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 11:54am.
Oh sure, they can greenlight this shitshow but can't bring back THE dating show of all dating shows, Eliminidate?!?!
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I know right. I used to live in an apt. in Glentucky,AZ in 1999 with roommates. We would bet cash on the new ep's of Elimidate. Good times.
Avoid Warren Sapp at all costs: He's broke ass and crazy. He's looking for a meal ticket.
What's the budget for STD meds?
This is awesome sauce. I'm watching this because of Sophie Monk, who has an awesome youtube channel, and wicked sense of humor, Dr Nettles, who I remember from Millionaire Matchmaker with the blindingly white teeth,and Jeremy Bloom, who also played in the NFL.
Why is Carmen Electra on this mess? She's been very publicly engaged to
musician Rob Patterson for the last 3 years and still going strong.
She'd go to the opening of an envelope if she thought it'd push her famewhoring ass forward.
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"I love fast and I love hard."-MK
anyway, surprised Romeo didn't find a girl at ICDC cawlege.
for the record, the Republican thing doesn't skeeve me out as much as Dean Cain supporting Rick Perry. if you must be a Repub, fine, but Rick "duh duh" Perry? you should know how to cut your losses at some point.
:D
Submitted by saltydog88 on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 3:04pm.
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I understand that the celebs don't date each other for this show.
What I meant was that it's likely some of those "stars"* may have slept with the same "star" fucker. And, some of those "stars" may have also slept with each other.
*the term "star" is being used very loosely in this case.
Submitted by saltydog88 on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 1:17pm.
I was at the taping of two episodes of this mess and let me tell you it is secretly AWESOME. Like legit hilarious, because when the celebs turn around their reactions are hysterical especially if the chick is fugly. They try and pass the ugly ones off on the others or get jealous when they miss a hot one.
That sounds cruel.
WOW Rocco Dispirito is so Fine, but is he gay?
********* SAVE A LIFE. ADOPT A PET *********
The Jersey shore assholes and the krapdashian brother? At least the other people were famous for some sort of talent.
The celebs don't date eachother. 4 male celebs sit in chairs like on The Voice and girls come out and pitch themselves as a potential date for 30 seconds. If a guy thinks he'd want to date a girl he pulls a lever and his chair turns around and he can see and she is in his "dating pool". If more than one guy turns around the girl gets to pick. Then they whittle it down until it is one girl for each guy celeb. They did 5 episodes with 4 guy celebs and 30 female contestants, and then one episode with 4 girl celebs and 30 male contestants.
Rocco would be difficult to date because whenever you went anywhere you'd have to use a shoehorn to get his head through any door. He had such a promising career as a professional chef until he became a professional jackass.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
I'd have to guess that if we pulled out the ol' "family tree" of who's slept with whom, we'd have some serious overlap. And if they all had the same STD, who would be patient zero?
Also - are they only doing straight dates? Cuz' I thought that rumor had it the Sitch was into something else. And that Jonas child, too...or was that one of the ugly ones? And didn't Carmen Electra dabble in sapphic love? I can't keep some of these people straight (no pun intended).
Either way, I think it would make for really interesting programming if they allowed the "bachelors" and "bachelorettes" to chose whatever gender struck their fancy.
(Edited for typo - can't bitch about people not proofreading when I don't even do it myself. D'oh!)
mmmm Rocco DiSpirito
and mmmmm mmmmm Rob Gronkowski
ill be watching for them alone. *wonders how hard it is to get a contestant spot on this show*
This is for straights, right? So what the hell is Joe Jonas doing on there?
OH MY GOD! Dean Cain needs a date? I'll go. I'll date him. Male Dog who? Just...I'll do it.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Love me some of that slutty Rocco - so would... mmm mmm HAHAHA at your descriptions MK! They WERE necessary... can't figure out why most of them would be there. OK, some torsos and T&A's, that it?
Really liking the sound of "Parker Young - The hot but dumb jock son of..." - it has a ring to it! hehehehe ;D
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Octomom should do this and you get to see the reactions of the losers as they dwindle down in number and get closer to having to date her.
I'm going to watch this just for Mike Catherwood. He is a sexy puto.
I was at the taping of two episodes of this mess and let me tell you it is secretly AWESOME. Like legit hilarious, because when the celebs turn around their reactions are hysterical especially if the chick is fugly. They try and pass the ugly ones off on the others or get jealous when they miss a hot one.
it will be totally entertaining.
the only way i would watch this mess is with a freshly opened container of clorox cleanups, a can of raid and febreze...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
Submitted by cocoebert on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 11:23am.
I'm kind of surprised Joe Jonas would stoop to this.
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Really? He's known more for who he's dating or not dating than a music career.
I'm surprised that Carmen Electra continues to make a career out of nothing.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 12:15pm.
Submitted by can be a pushy broad on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 12:12pm.
I'm old and overweight!
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You will fit in perfectly here.
ROTFLMAO!!
*hikes up mom jeans and turns up Roseanne marathon*
jack-n-the-hat, you need a fucking intervention, man. WTF?
No more psychos for YOU!
Oops. That counts me out dudn't it? Tee hee? *innocent look no?*
Submitted by can be a pushy broad on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 12:12pm.
I'm old and overweight!
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You will fit in perfectly here.
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Jack in the Hat--Hahahaha! Trust me sugar,you do not want a nude:) I'm old and overweight!
But cute:) Thanks for asking though:)
There was a day though, ahhh memories:)
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 11:55am.
Submitted by can be a pushy broad on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 11:49am.
Apologies-I don't know how to reply directly to a poster.
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For instructions on how to reply directly to a commenter, please post nude pix
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Oh jesús Jack. Stop trying to push your T & A political party agenda on this site. Ya know, some of us are totally sick of being oppressed by the T & A party.
Peen party 4EVA!
sarcasm/
I only recognize about 3 names on that list. I will watch this whorefest. But they need to put winners like tan mom and maniston on there.
www.poopreport.com :)
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RIMADYL KILLS
Who had the board game Mystery Date when they were little? Anyone...or no. Imo the 'dud' was the most handsome.
No Kate Gosselin ??? I'm disappointed.
no. not really. I don't watch these train wreck shows anyhow. not one of them. ever.
I will watch this trainwreck of a show and I will enjoy my popcorn as I do so.
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How can a man be a mom?
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
Submitted by can be a pushy broad on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 11:49am.
Apologies-I don't know how to reply directly to a poster.
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For instructions on how to reply directly to a commenter, please post nude pix
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Kadooze on your hiney sitch Weezy!
LOL @ that generation of oldz...can't say I've ever heard of taking left-overs from someone else's table!!!! :O
Oh sure, they can greenlight this shitshow but can't bring back THE dating show of all dating shows, Eliminidate?!?!
"Where I come from, that's called a vacation from a vacation." --MK
Thumb 8 is the PERFECT example of how a bathing suit can make or break you.
She doesn't have a bad body at ALL, but that suit is doing horrible things to it. If she were wearing a regular bikini, she'd look great. That thing is just WRONG.
MJT -- with great embarrassment I admit I can tell the Jonas brothers apart. Nick & Kevin are ugly, pasty white motherfuckers (Kevin, the married gay one, is the ugliest), but Joe is the hot, swarthy one, and probably gay as well. I think Mama Jonas stepped out with the gardener to produce that one.
ditquoi -- yep, Dean be Republican. Bummer for you. Sorry, hon.
Submitted by bridgjones: "Dean looks like he's had bad pec implants put in. He used to be so cute too. Now all I want to do is take him bra shopping."
AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Apologies-I don't know how to reply directly to a poster. But for Twat Muffin, so because Dean is a Republican he is an asshole. Wow, must be a small world for you to only like Dems.
I'm a recent FAN and one of the main reasons is not only is Micheal K truly a gifted writer and hilarious at that but he has done an excellent job of keeping politics off his site. I come here
for humor Twat, not your political views. Might I suggest save it for Huffington or Superficial.
You'd fit right in with that site.
ps: Dean is 50 or close too--man boobs happen.
Yours truly--Pushy Broad and I guess an asshole too. But at least an open minded one.
Submitted by guest on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 11:32am.
LOL! You are so nice. I will say I've been hitting the elliptical machine 45 minutes 5-6x each week for a few months and my ass is looking awesome. So I've got that going for me.
LMAO @ your g-ma story! I used to know this one woman whose in-laws, after dinner, would just start loading up their own containers with leftovers- at my friend's house! They wouldn't even leave enough for my friend. She finally told them to stop and they had the nerve to be offended.
And this is a prime time reason why I decided to ditch my cable subscription long ago. My God, and the media critics deemed television to be a veritable wasteland back in the 60's?
I've only heard of 8 of these people and most of them from here.
Submitted by RandéSleepover on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 11:06am.
"Male celebs--those of you who don't watch any football: Do NOT piss off Ndomukong Suh."
and if he does get pissed off i hope he uses Pauly D's corpse to beat the Situation to death
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Definitive list of who's WHO?
Submitted by cocoebert on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 11:24am.
Hellraiser, I would totally watch this with fellow D-listers. We should ask MK to set up a live chat or Open Post or something to coincide with episodes. This kind of shit is watchable in groups.
THIS.
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When you're 25 and making Woody Allen look young, fresh and hot by comparison, it's time to get Jesus in your life- Michael K
Dean looks like he's had bad pec implants put in. He used to be so cute too. Now all I want to do is take him bra shopping.
Gross.