Oh Yes, Beyonce Really Wore This Last Night

May 8, 2012 / Posted by:

If you need a quick response to the feathered fuckery gown that Beyonce wore to the Met Gala last night, please direct yourself to the look on the lady in black’s face. It might best express your feelings about this.

Last night was that time of year when fashion people and celebrities from A to the gutter gathered at the ho stroll in front of The Met to out-WTF each other. Everybody should’ve stayed home in their Pajama Jeans when Beyonce was announced as a guest, because how can you outdo the queen of outdoing bitches? If fashion was an In-N-Out drive-thru, Beyonce would order 10 extra patties, 6 extra buns, all the cheeses in the refrigerator, the entire condiments bar, every vegetable they’ve got and the earrings the cashier is wearing. She’d get it animal style too. ALL animals. Bitch puts the EXTRA in extra. If the dress isn’t so special that a handler wearing a lift belt has to straighten out the train every 2 seconds, Beyonce won’t even entertain the idea of putting it on her body.

Somebody on Today this morning said that Beyonce was one of the last stars to arrive. DUH. Do you really think Beyonce is going to pose amongst the lesser thans? I bet that right before she arrived, her security team ran down the red carpet and tased any trick who got in their way. They cleared that shit for their “queen.” They straight up dropped a defibrillator on the carpet.

I’m a tacky bitch, so I actually like this dress from Givenchy’s LOOK AT MOI label. It looks like a truck carrying raver ostriches crashed into a Las Vegas floor show. That train is making the Fraggles weep today, because it looks like Beyonce is dragging carcasses of their own behind her. What did Beyonce do with that train when she got inside, anyway? Did she throw it over her head and wear it like a hood? Did she pass it between her legs and shove it up into the bodice so it looked like she was pregnant with a Muppet? I really hope that once inside, somebody yanked that train and cackled as that ho tumbled backwards. And I hope that someone was Basement “It Wasn’t Me” Baby.

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