Matthew Fox Got Busted For DUI

May 7, 2012 / Posted by:

The smoke monster needs to come and get his bitch, because Matthew Fox is still a dumb drunk of a mess.

In “dude really needs to go back to the island” news, Matthew Fox was arrested near his home in Bend, Oregon on Friday morning for driving under the influence of the sweet nectar. TMZ says that Matthew and a passenger were on their way to fill their drunk bodies with some delicious grease at a fast food place when the police pulled him over. Matthew was taken in at around 3:23 in the morning and released a few hours later. There are no other details about his arrest.

The only detail I need to know is whether or not Matthew Fox had that pepaw goat beard on his face at the time of his arrest, because that mess is obviously the root of all his problems. I understand being ten shades of drunk and craving a mound of deep fried lard. We’ve all been there. But is a cheeseburger really worth the risk of crashing into another car or getting arrested? I had to think about that for a few seconds, but the answer is NO! Order a pizza, bitch, or get one of your kids to ride their Big Wheel down to the McDonald’s for you. Matthew needs to go down into the hatch and stay there until he is capable of making good life choices. Take Amanda Bynes’ dumb ass with you.

On a positive note, at least he didn’t commit vagina abuse this time.

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