Eddie Cibrian Killed Brandi Glanville’s Real Housewives Dreams

I’ve never noticed this before, but Brandi Glanville could totally do Eddie Cibrian in his butt hole dimples with her cheeks. That’s a sign of true compatibility. Oh, well.

Anyway, thanks to such classic lines as “At least I don’t do crystal meth in the bathroom all night, bitch,” Brandi Glanville was promoted from part-time foolery maker to full-time foolery make on the next season of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills which is shooting right now. Brandi replaced Camille Grammer, because the producers felt the silicone dragon flower got boring and they knew Brandi will bring the dramatic bitch theatrics. But Brandi has been demoted back down to the second string after her ex-piece Eddie Cibrian refused to let their kids be a part of the show. I see you, Eddie, trying to screw with Brandi’s money.

A source tells Radar that Brandi was surprised by Eddie shaking his head to no that shit, because their boys have been on camera briefly before (see: that episode where Brandi’s son became a human piss sprinkler on Adrienne’s lawn). The source also said, “Bravo wanted her to have her kids on the show in order to expand story lines. But Leann and Eddie wouldn’t allow it. Brandi didn’t expect that LeAnn and Eddie would have objections since the kids have been on the show before, but they did. Eddie said they did not want the children on camera on a regular basis. So Bravo said that Brandi would have to stay ‘friend’ and not become an official ‘housewife.’”

First of all, what does LeAnn have to do with this? It’s not like LeAnn is threatening to hoof Eddie in his home breaking dick rod if he doesn’t keep Brandi down (it’s totally like that). Second of all, kids should be banned from every Real Housewives show, because they ruin that shit. I can barely sit through an episode of The Real Trashwives of New Jersey, because Gorilla Head is always whoring out her screaming, tutu-wearing spoiled snowflakes. I don’t want to see them trying to be models and I really don’t want to see them sing songs they wrote. Keep that shit on TLC where it belongs. Some hos purposefully don’t have kids to avoid scenes like that. Most of the time, when a child starts singing, that’s my cue to exit. One time I was on a subway platform and some kid and his father started singing songs for coins. I almost took the wrong train going ANYWHERE to get away from that ear-curling sound. Now I know why my mom asked if there was an open bar every time I invited her to one of my school recitals.

What I’m trying to say is that wings must have sprouted from Eddie’s back, because obviously pigs can fly since he’s actually making good decisions.