Levi Johnston Already Hates His Unborn Baby

May 2, 2012 / Posted by:

Levi Johnston’s brain is made of dried moose shit and his decision making skills are as broke as the condom he wore during his first time with Bristol, but you’d think he’d try to be considerate when it comes to giving his unborn daughter a name she has to live with until she’s old enough to crawl to the courthouse to change it. But nope! Levi is still trashier and dumber than ever. Levi and the trick he knocked up, Sunny Oglesby, tell Inside Edition (via HuffPo) that they have decided to give their daughter the name of a morning shift cocktail waitress at a strip club/gun shop (or the name of the villain’s mistress in a low-budget Bond parody starring Tom Selleck). The name they are writing on her birth certificate is:

BREEZE BERETTA JOHNSTON!!!!!

A name that makes you think of Chris Breezy and Robert Blake at the same time is not a name you should give to an innocent child you’re supposed to have love for.

Breeze isn’t that bad. Yes, it sounds like the name of a Glade scent you’d use to mask your poop fumes, but it also sounds like the name of a member of a 1970s hippie cult commune that bases its teachings on the album Free to be…You and Me. I can deal with that. But BERETTA!? Beretta isn’t a family name either. Sunny and Levi say that they are naming her after the gun. A mess. Why didn’t they just go all the way with this foolery? Why didn’t they name her God Fart Glock or Queefah Rifle?

And Sunny also told Inside Edition the romantic tale of how Breeze Beretta was conceived:

We were out at the cabin for like, four days, and forgot the birth control.

I guess Breeze Beretta’s fucked up name is the least of her problems….

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