Levi Johnston Already Hates His Unborn Baby

Levi Johnston's brain is made of dried moose shit and his decision making skills are as broke as the condom he wore during his first time with Bristol, but you'd think he'd try to be considerate when it comes to giving his unborn daughter a name she has to live with until she's old enough to crawl to the courthouse to change it. But nope! Levi is still trashier and dumber than ever. Levi and the trick he knocked up, Sunny Oglesby, tell Inside Edition (via HuffPo) that they have decided to give their daughter the name of a morning shift cocktail waitress at a strip club/gun shop (or the name of the villain's mistress in a low-budget Bond parody starring Tom Selleck). The name they are writing on her birth certificate is:

BREEZE BERETTA JOHNSTON!!!!!

A name that makes you think of Chris Breezy and Robert Blake at the same time is not a name you should give to an innocent child you're supposed to have love for.

Breeze isn't that bad. Yes, it sounds like the name of a Glade scent you'd use to mask your poop fumes, but it also sounds like the name of a member of a 1970s hippie cult commune that bases its teachings on the album Free to be...You and Me. I can deal with that. But BERETTA!? Beretta isn't a family name either. Sunny and Levi say that they are naming her after the gun. A mess. Why didn't they just go all the way with this foolery? Why didn't they name her God Fart Glock or Queefah Rifle?

And Sunny also told Inside Edition the romantic tale of how Breeze Beretta was conceived:

"We were out at the cabin for like, four days, and forgot the birth control."

I guess Breeze Beretta's fucked up name is the least of her problems....

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by alexccdexter on Tue, 10/30/2012 - 3:07pm.

looks like he might have a big trouser monkey i would let him try to impregnant me and i am a dude

Submitted by jolly32 on Sat, 05/12/2012 - 1:49am.

I am running a Burberry Outlet website, i promise all of our products are real ones, and i can deliver the order to any country .
The Discount Burberry Handbags is our main product ,and
the Burberry Scarf is hot sale now, anyone come to buy something will get a nice coupon for the first order.

Submitted by dinodavid220 on Tue, 05/08/2012 - 8:31pm.

If he doesn't want babies he should just have sex with me. My butt cant get pregnant. Dude is a sexy sexy Neanderthal...yum yum

Submitted by Electroluxy on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 10:35pm.

I would hit that if he wasn't such a toolbag. That being said, he should consider a vasectomy, so that the next time he fucks, he won't fuck up an innocent life.

"This fuckery could also double as an anthem for cats in the workforce." - Michael K, 5/1/12.

Submitted by sofster101 on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 9:45pm.

Gross!

Submitted by WithinReason... on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 9:03pm.

Sunny Oglesby and BREEZE BERETTA JOHNSTON!!!!! what.names!

If this couple should not work out... *crickets*... I think Levy should give OctoMom a call and work out some deal. Their combined untalented famewhoreness, ALMOST has NO equal! It'd be hard sell but they could be good together! hahahaha

Tag: Trash ;)

•-•-•-•-•-•
♫"Now if you're sad and you're feeling blue
Go out and buy a brand new pair of shoes"♫ - Maggie M'Gill
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦♮♠░░░░

Submitted by LaChaylo on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 8:59pm.

stumpy hands. ewww.

Submitted by Puppy Love on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 8:49pm.

Levi is about the un-sexiest man ever. He doesn't work, looks like he smells bad, and is dumb as a fucking stump.

Breeze, go forth and don't multiply.

Submitted by NDNchief on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 8:18pm.

"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-

This post reminds me of Jenna from 30 Rock, when she wanted to name her hypothetical baby Glock Gender Irrelevent.

Submitted by Doll-Parts on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 7:12pm.

My mom always told me to sleep bottomless too, so the lady parts can breathe. I didn't know this was common!

I am...doll parts...bad skin...doll heart.

Submitted by Giraffelover on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 6:46pm.

Breeze Beretta vs. Maxwell Drew... Less stupid name round goes to MD lol!

Submitted by mefunigirl on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 6:23pm.

what's with these names???
I am going to advise my children to become psychiatrists. There are going to be a lot of screwed up children in the future.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz

Submitted by turnelbup on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 6:05pm.

Ugh, I can't with his daisy dukes tan lines and the five-o'clock pube shadow. Whatta maroon.

Submitted by Spaz de la Whoreta on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 5:29pm.

Submitted by saltydog88 on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 4:59pm.

did we ever figure out yet how she is a 20-year-old teacher?
☆☆☆☆

I suspect she works at a daycare center that calls their employees "teachers."

Submitted by soapopera4cam on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 5:05pm.

Ldjfjsmah Omg I'm here kicking and screaming of laughter! The name! The conception story! It's too too good lmaoooooooooooooooo!

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http://tinyurl.com/69rcrqy

Submitted by Dion flowerboy on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 3:54pm.

Do the world a favor and get a vasectomy ya dumb hick.

Submitted by saltydog88 on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 3:29pm.

did we ever figure out yet how she is a 20-year-old teacher?

Submitted by Night Owl on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 2:50pm.

narcissistic hick!
____________________________________________

That was my first thought too. I don't even care for the Palins but I almost feel sorry for them having to deal with this douchebag.

Submitted by Whatever on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 2:45pm.

Stupid people always seem to breed like rabbits.

Submitted by Scottish on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 2:36pm.

With parents who are named "Sunny and Levi" what can you expect?? I'm surprised the two of them managed to find a hospital for her to shat the baby out in. They probably don't even know their own names half the time!

Submitted by bonghits4jesus on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 1:33pm.

wtf, are you the vatican or the pope?

how is the pull out method 'pretty fucking safe'? it doesn't protect from herpes or hiv. also the failure rate is around 15%-30% from what i've read.

don't encourage people to be statistics!

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Submitted by _fail_ on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 1:16pm.

When you have to tattoo your own name on your arm so you don't forget it...

Submitted by OneLiner on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 1:07pm.

Submitted by Hekki on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 2:19pm.
OneLiner, your avvie cracks me up every time
------------------------------------

I know, isn't the best? LOL someone actually graffiti that sign! this is where i got it from

http://listverse.com/2007/10/22/top-12-examples-of-graffiti-humor/

********* SAVE A LIFE. ADOPT A PET *********

Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 1:04pm.

Submitted by Dog on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 11:48am.
Shit, Whamo, I can't leave your trifling assholio alone for one minute!!! ROWR!
=============================================
What??? what did I do this time:)
*scratches head*

Submitted by BernardProfitendieu on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 1:02pm.

narcissistic hick!

-------------------------------------
Aniston is artistically, intellectually and reproductively barren.
Paltrow is a walking argument against nepotism.

Submitted by Hekki on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 12:49pm.

OneLiner, your avvie cracks me up every time.

Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 12:35pm.

Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 11:46am.
♫ keep your eye on the sparrow ♫ who sang the Baretta theme? hey Whamo, could you look that up for me luv? ;)
===========================================
Your wish is my command:)

Keep Your Eye On The Sparrow (Baretta's Theme) Written by Dave Grusin and sung by Sammy Davis Jr.

Submitted by ditquoi on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 12:15pm.

HA HA HA gross...like his flannel shirt just *happened* to be casually tossed over his little parsnip *barf*

points for manscaping though *vomlolvom*

Submitted by MadgesVadge on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 11:45am.

Let me give this trick a clue. You don't "forget" birth control. You realize you don't have any rubbers, or that you missed a pill, and you continue the fuck times anyway.

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"I have a very poor way of concealing my dislike of people and/or things." -- Evil_Cupcake's Mom

Submitted by vegasfan on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 11:44am.

What. A. Douche!

If truth is beauty, then we are all hideous monsters.

Submitted by cat_lady21 on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 11:36am.

Hahah. This idiot is trying so hard to look hot in this picture, instead it comes off looking like he has to take a shit.

Submitted by doncorleone on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 11:35am.

He is so fucking disgusting

Submitted by precociousmagpie on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 11:35am.

"Levi Johnston's brain is made of dried moose shit"

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

Submitted by gina latina on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 11:33am.

My first car was a Beretta, and considering all the ho shit I did in and atop that car, Beretta would've been an appropriate name had I gotten a case of the BABIES! at the time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Iris Chacon, ahi viene!

Submitted by zomay on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 11:32am.

Please note that shirt over groin is not a turn on. No no no. Please.

...............................

Worrying is using your imagination
to create something you don’t want.

Submitted by SalmaNella on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 11:25am.

This is normal behaviour where I live so Levi is just another flannel wearing, gun toting redneck asshole..
We all love fucking in the woods bare back style as there isn't much else to do here.

Submitted by OneLiner on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 11:22am.

Submitted by Helena on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 12:11pm.
It blows my mind that forgetting the birth control leads to pregnancy. Have they not tried the withdrawal method? Works like a goddamn charm, I tell you. The failure rate of coitus interruptus is 4%. Not as safe as BCP and / or condoms, but pretty fucking safe.
---------------------------------------
Thank you! Pregnancy is actually pretty easy to avoid...i dont understand people that say ooops! i dont know how it happened! ok...sure

********* SAVE A LIFE. ADOPT A PET *********

Submitted by Crawford67 on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 11:17am.

I don't care if he's a scumbag...I would hit that so hard that FEMA would have to be called in.
_______________________________________________

If you ever need someone to drink with, I'll drink with you. If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, I'll drink with you. I guess what I'm trying to say is: I love to drink!!!

--Karen Walker

Submitted by Romai on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 11:10am.

The middle name is horrid, but I went to high school with a girl named Breezy so Breeze doesn't bother me too much. Tripp (or Trig? I forget which is which) is much worse IMO.

Submitted by pohyah on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 11:06am.

Its always the stupid ones that reproduce

I do Pagents!

Submitted by Twat Muffin on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 11:02am.

Fujicat -- OMG, that reminds me of my mom. She told me to never wear underwear at night to "air it out." So to this day, I never don underwear at night. Yes, I know this is TMI for our delicate dlisted readers. I do think it is sage advice, though.

Submitted by cat_lady21 on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 11:37am.

Gurl we all gotta let it air out.

Submitted by caradas on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 10:54am.

I hope they realize her initals will be BJ. Come on! Thats just not right!

Submitted by skinny fat on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 10:48am.

jesus fucking christ he's worse than the kartrashians. why does anyone even want to interview him.

Submitted by loopygorilla on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 10:42am.

first it was marky mark and now him, im feeling funny this week, because i gotta say, i would hit it... i dunno why... but ill regret it as soon as he cums.

Submitted by Helena on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 10:41am.

It blows my mind that forgetting the birth control leads to pregnancy. Have they not tried the withdrawal method? Works like a goddamn charm, I tell you. The failure rate of coitus interruptus is 4%. Not as safe as BCP and / or condoms, but pretty fucking safe.
_________________________________

Devil's advocate.

Submitted by Fujicat on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 10:41am.

When I saw, "Breeze" I immediately thought of my NYC grandmother who told me NEVER to wear underwear at night so I could get a "breeze" down there and "air it out."

Wasn't Beretta a 70s TV show with a Mouloccan Cockatoo?

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Fair is foul and foul is fair..

Submitted by Timmis Cat on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 10:36am.

so. gross. that dumb/indignant(?) look on his face makes him so unappealing right now. their baby's middle name must be taken from what levi also named his schlong.