Hot (And Stupid As Hell) Slut Of The Day!

May 2, 2012 / Posted by:

Disclaimer: Dlisted is not giving this orange-glazed roasted beauty the Hot Slut title for the felony crimes she allegedly committed against her 5-year-old daughter. Dlisted does not condone putting your 5-year-old daughter in a stand-up tanning bed. IN THIS ECONOMY, you should not waste a tanning salon session on a 5-year-old. Their skin will burn, you’ll end up in jail and all the money you spend on your bail could’ve been spent on like 200 skin baking sessions for yourself. If you want your 5-year-old’s skin to be the same color (shade: melanoma leather) as you, just spray them down with orange house paint from Home Depot or slather them with those magical tan towels from HSN, which I almost bought last night. HSN + guzzling down 4 snack cups of 60 calorie chocolate pudding = the loss of all self control.

44-year-old Patricia Krentcil, who hails from the Florida of the Northeast New Jersey, found her chicken fried wrists in handcuffs for allegedly committing second-degree child abuse by putting her daughter in a tanning booth. Her daughter’s kindergarten teacher overhead the girl bragging to her friends that her mommy took her tanning. When the kindergarten teacher inspected the girl’s skin, she found a few sunburns. The police were called and Patricia was charged with felony child endangerment since it’s against the law to put a kid under the age of 14 in a tanning booth. Patricia was released on $25,000 bail and will face a judge sometime today. But Patricia told NBC New York that it’s all a misunderstanding. Patricia did take her daughter to the tanning salon, but the little girl was never exposed to the UV lights. Patricia says that her daughter got a little sunburnt while playing in the yard over the weekend. If you’ve ever wanted to know what it would look like if Magda’s clit was able to speak words, watch Patricia defend herself in the interview below. WARNING: Watching this will fill you with the desire to eat pork rinds on a plate made of water-damaged leather. It might also expose your skin to UV rays, so I’d slather SPF 3000 on your monitor just in case.

My skin shriveled in fear and it’s now three shades darker thanks to watching George Hamilton’s skin idol in motion. When I licked my finger and put it on my monitor, I heard a sizzle sound. I bet even Patricia’s piss is brown. You could use it as self-tanner!

I do not agree with Patricia’s parenting skills, but I do agree with her choice to shop for lip liner in the black marker section of Rite-Aid. Sharpie lip liner is always the look. Wait. Or maybe that’s not lip liner. Maybe Patricia’s jerkyfied herself in a tanning booth so much that the edges of her lips burnt. Well, I have always said that the best part of an overbaked lasagna is its crispy, burnt edges.

And it goes without saying, but this is the future of Snooki’s unborn baby.

(Thanks, Marnie!)

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