Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

May 2, 2012 / Posted by:

Celebrities often date and marry beards because it is professionally beneficial for them to be seen as straight. Even in this day and age, it’s more usual for performers to stay in the closet and beard up then it is for them to proudly proclaim their same-sex preference.

But there is a big risk in bringing a beard aboard: you are depending on them to keep your secret forever. If you beard with another celebrity, both of your reputations and livelihoods are at stake. But if you marry a non-celebrity, there is little for them to lose if they decide to blackmail you.

Such is the case of this male celebrity. Pushed by his family (especially his father), he married his non-celebrity beard. Beard Wife knew exactly what she was marrying into. And now she is demanding more to keep his secrets. And she wants a lot.

She wants a television show. It isn’t enough for her to marry a celebrity; she wants to be a celebrity! So does her musician brother. So does her sister. So does her sister’s husband.

The celebrity said “No. I’m not doing that.” The wife said “Oh, yes you will! Because if you don’t, I will tell everyone that you are gay, and your career will be over.”

So it’s a done deal. The wife and her sister will be the talent, the sister’s husband will be a producer, and the wife’s brother will hope that his appearances will lead to a big record deal.

The entire project is being sold on the strength of the celebrity’s name, yet out of all the players, he is the one who wants it least. But he’ll go along with what Daddy and Beard Wife and her family wants. Because he still does not have the courage and strength to run his own life. We hope that someday he will. And then, instead of pretending to be happy, he can actually be happy. But for now, he is miserable closeted gay guy with a declining career, a controlling Daddy, and a blackmailing Beard Wife. (Blind Gossip)

This is obviously about Kevin Jonas and his Haylie Duff-looking ass wife Danielle since they have an E! reality show that will terrorize all of us in August, but it doesn’t make any sense to me. Why would Danielle threaten to tell everyone that Kevin loves peen with his morning coffee? Doing so would make her the dimmest fame digging beard in the beard  game. Bitch’s career as a professional beard would be over! She wouldn’t ever beard in this town, that town or any town again. No self-respecting closeted gay celebrity would ever hire a beard with a fat mouth. Exposing Kevin’s love for peen would be beard suicide! Besides, Kevin doesn’t really have a career right now, so if he came out, he’d at least get a cover of People Magazine or something.

And more importantly, why doesn’t TLC have a reality show called Beard Wives?

This almost A list movie actor who got his break on one of the biggest shows in television history has been a vocal proponent of PETA. I wonder if they know about his monthly pig events where he personally kills and cooks a pig for guests. (CDAN)

Duh. Woody Harrelson’s stoner ass, because he thinks he’s always on Survivor island.

White House Correspondents Dinner Blind Item – This B+ movie and television actress who is mainly known for television was asked where her husband was last night and replied that they are taking a break. (CDAN)

Claire Danes? Rickie told me in the girls bathroom.

Which legendary singer is so addicted to Popeye’s Fried Chicken that she had it delivered to a recent red carpet event? The aging Grammy winner mortified guests when she sat in a swanky hotel lobby chowing down on the greasy chicken straight from the box! (National Enquirer via Blind Gossip)

Why in this is probably Wynonna Judd or Aretha hell would anybody be mortified by this? I would only be mortified if she ordered Popeye’s chicken with Popeye’s sides. The correct way to do it is to order Popeye’s chicken with KFC sides. Best of both greasy worlds.

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