Tuesday, May 1st 2012
Open Post: Hosted By Li Li
You don't need a bike lock when you've got Li Li who can guard your shit from thieves and look adorable while doing so. Meanwhile, my dog just completed his 45th nap of the day and he's still looking at me like, "Bitch, stop typing so loud. Some of us are trying to sleep."
via Buzzfeed
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MJT- I had a wedding. Cared about having a pretty ring. Planned all that shit out. And I seriously think weddings are for the young because ten years later, I roll my fucking eyes over most people's weddings and how seriously they take them.
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Try to be original, like the Colonel Sanders (may he rest in peace with his secret spices and shit). - urmomma
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 4:40pm.
Jack, congrats on the weight loss. Are you and Charlie Barkley on the same plan? Haha. Oh and on the complimenting thing.......sometimes you just can't win. When I said to a friend of mine that her hair looked nice, she asked me if it looked shi**y the rest of the time.
*sits with MJT*
I don't even care about getting married....lol
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I learned how to laugh and I learned how to cry
Well, I learned how to love and I learned how to lie
So you think I could learn how to tell you goodbye, you don't bring me flowers anymore
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 4:44pm.
I will probably get flamed for this but weddings are sooooooooooooo lame for the most part. I have never been that girl who dreamt of a wedding and a white dress. I find it all kinda dumb and a waste of money. *Shrugs*
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I'll sit with you while you get flamed.
I'd rather pay off my mortgage.
Submitted by Fat Lady on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 4:50pm.
What's wrong with chubby chasers? :P
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LOL, nothing!! I edited my comment.
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 4:46pm.
JEEBUS. that bitch is as wide as she is tall. She is more than twice my size and 2 inches shorter than me!!!!!!!!!!!! Now before people yell at me for being a fat hater I just wonder how can that be comfortable!?!?
that's just crazy.
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I'm jumpier than a virgin at a prison rodeo - Blanche Devereaux
beakers, with friends like that, who needs enemas? :)
I'd never ask anyone to help--- who needs to see my stretched out Granny panties? NO ONE, that's who! :P
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 4:44pm.
Amen girlfriend! When I got married, I wanted to do the quick and dirty thing in Vegas or something. Justice of the Peace would've been just fine by me.
It was my ex's mom and sister that turned it into this big god-damned fiasco with eight million people invited. Damn, I was SOOOOO stressed out over that deal - I just wanted it to be OVAH, and was so relieved when the thing was done...at which point I smoked a big fatty outside the church hall with one of his uncles and drank half a bottle of Jager. Lol...well, that part was fun at least.
"My pug is smarter than your honor student."
What's wrong with chubby chasers? :P
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 4:44pm.
I will probably get flamed for this but weddings are sooooooooooooo lame for the most part. I have never been that girl who dreamt of a wedding and a white dress. I find it all kinda dumb and a waste of money. *Shrugs*
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I kind of agree with you about weddings. Marriage, on the other hand, I think very highly of.
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 4:44pm.
I agree. I told my girlfriend there are 8 (EIGHT!) groomsmen... she said 8 is just obnoxious... lol
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by chewinsmoke on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 4:43pm.
I believe it. She is a very short and very heavy woman. I'm talkin 4' 9" and 300lbs (IDK her real weight but she is obese). He is a chubby chaser lol
ETA: no offense, Fat Lady. :)
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 4:44pm.
I'm right with you, MisJane. I hate weddings and all the trappings with a passion. JUST DO NOT LIKE. I'm not one for 'tradition' anyhow though.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 4:07pm.
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Wow. That's bad.
I'm always amazed at stuff like that. We married while we were still in college, so we couldn't do any of that. Seeing friends organising their weddings now, I'm kind of glad.
As far as I'm concerned, if they genuinely can't afford to pay for the tux, then they can't afford that kind of wedding.
@ MJT - oh you do have good friends! Only got to pick my own dress once, but it had to be peach. Not my favorite color, and of course choices were limited so did NOT love it, and never wore it again. Gave all the other heinous bridesmaid concoctions to my nieces for playing dress-up.
Jack, good grief, man! What a high-riding cunt (not to mention a little scary psycho too). Damn. Wish you could get out of that squirrelly mess. I s'pose you can't claim the bubonic plague or something? Can you just drop kick a gift in her face and run?
I will probably get flamed for this but weddings are sooooooooooooo lame for the most part. I have never been that girl who dreamt of a wedding and a white dress. I find it all kinda dumb and a waste of money. *Shrugs*
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I'm jumpier than a virgin at a prison rodeo - Blanche Devereaux
"...I said "You look fantastic!"... her respose "As opposed tooooooo?? What are you saying, JACK, I've looked like shit the other times you've seen me???" I just stood there staring at her, in complete shock. I think I finally said something real smart like "man, whatever".
There are two words to describe a woman of this nature:
INSECURE CUNT.
"My pug is smarter than your honor student."
Submitted by IrishFury on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 4:33pm.
Jack, can't you rent something for $75 or something?
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Yea, but that's not the "style" they chose. They chose a more expensive style... and they all have to match. Whatever. I went and paid for it at lunch today. PS - I've gone from a 38 to a 36 waist WOO HOO!
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Fatty, SHIT I didn't even think about getting them a gift(?)!!!! Grrrrrr... I'm betting this marriage won't last more than 2 years... I wouldn't be able to last 2 DAYS with this woman. The most controlling, condescending, shit-stirring ASSHOLE I've ever met.... FOR EXAMPLE - One day she was all dressed up for some special occasion (I'd never seen her a fancied up lol) and I said "You look fantastic!"... her respose "As opposed tooooooo?? What are you saying, JACK, I've looked like shit the other times you've seen me???" I just stood there staring at her, in complete shock. I think I finally said something real smart like "man, whatever".
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
IF, did Mr. Fury pass his kidney stones. Sorry if you posted it already because I must have missed it?
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 4:07pm.
I got married in 1992 also and never heard of this custom. Groomsmen rented their own tuxes and bridesmaid purchased their dresses. I did buy my nieces flower girl dress since my brother and sister-in-law were also standing up in my wedding. They had enough expenses.
However, my dad did foot the hotel bill for out of town guests, but they were pretty much close relatives. And I've heard this is customary in some cultures, but not in Amerikuh.
I am lucky my friends have good taste. I have been in 4 weddings now and never once did I wear an actual bridesmaids dress. They were all name brand dresses I could wear again and I got to pick my own each time. One even paid for it and I LOVE that dress.
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I'm jumpier than a virgin at a prison rodeo - Blanche Devereaux
Not to be an alarmist but for you folks living in the Northwest part of the USA:
http://enenews.com/just-in-senator-fears-us-west-coast-at-lethal-risk-fr...
I can't believe this isn't in the mainstream news. This is really serious.
Submitted by guest on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 4:33pm.
That's probably like $4 to her. She really did make a lot of moneyz.
^^^^^^^^^^
Her clothes/shoe empire is worth over one billion so I think she can afford it.
*cries*
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
That's probably like $4 to her. She really did make a lot of moneyz.
Jack, can't you rent something for $75 or something?
I paid for my 2 bridesmaids dresses, that what you do in Ireland and we went back there to get married. Beautiful dresses in celedon green but I gave them a choice of 8 styles so they just picked what they liked.
$175 is a lot!!
I adore my wedding gown to this day and it was $400 at David's Bridal! My Matron of Honor had a custom made $5000 gown that was lovely but she preferred mine, lol!
Why on earth is he marrying such a horrible woman? She'll be even worse by the honeymoon and then his life will be pure misery! What is it with men who marry bitches? I know not all men are wonderful but those who divorces bitches often say they knew before getting married that it wasn't going to be good. FOR WHY?
Give him the $175 and offer him a one-way cheap ticket to Don't Do It Ville.
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Dark-sided!
Submitted by Bossy on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 3:57pm.
I have to pack to move by the end of the week. Ugh, how can anyone like packing or moving? So not motivated.
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You have my sympathies! I had to pack/unpack last summer and I am still traumatized over it!
Unpacking sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hahaha, IG! I hate it. A friend asked me over to help "move a few things". A "few things" ended up being a whole fucking U Haul. Then at one point, she's just moving boxes from the back of the trailer to the front for us to take down a flight of stairs. Bitch, it's your fucking stuff, not ours! Last year I got a FB event invitation from a friend I hadn't seen in almost ten years. It was the "help me unload my U Haul as I move back here" party. She tried to say, "If all thirty of you show up, we'll be done in no time." No fucking thank you.
Submitted by chewinsmoke on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 4:22pm.
Ugh - I just went to TMZ and saw that Jessica Simpson birthed that baby is a $4,000 a day SUITE.
Oh what I could do with $4,000 bucks a day.
Wow, Jack. I don't ever remember the bride/groom paying for the tuxes and bridesmaids dresses. That must be an old timey custom. Are you going to buy a gift too? You should get a full refund if the marriage doesn't at least last 10 years.
I love unpacking but I hate packing and the damn move.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
beakers, I was just about to say that I love packing and moving!! *joins weirdo club*
She's bringing you pressies ME! LOL
Ugh - I just went to TMZ and saw that Jessica Simpson birthed that baby is a $4,000 a day SUITE.
I know she's got a ton of money and shit, but really????? How is that chick so fucking rich when she's so fucking stupid???? I mean, a $4,000 a day suite wouldn't even be a consideration for most people on a LUXURY vacation.
*counts pennies in piggy bank*
"My pug is smarter than your honor student."
Submitted by Bossy on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 3:57pm.
I have to pack to move by the end of the week. Ugh, how can anyone like packing or moving? So not motivated.
OMG, I have one weirdo friend who LOVES moving and packing. She has to be the only one on the planet who does.
Yea, I got married in 1992 and we paid for all the tuxes and whore #1's family paid for all the bridesmaids dresses... I guess that rule is out of date... At least they are going to be "normal" tuxedos. Went to a wedding a few weeks ago and the groomsmen wore jeans, camo vests and black tux jackets... oh, and cowboy boots. It was SO lame.
Thanks for the input.
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
My dress cost around 500 dollars too.
What a racket.
Submitted by Bossy on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 3:57pm.
I have to pack to move by the end of the week. Ugh, how can anyone like packing or moving? So not motivated.
Bossy, packing is on my list of evils. I don't even like to pack for vacation .
OT. My doxie barks at any animals or people that come even close to our house. He then looks at me for praise because he scared them away. He's not too bright but his brain is the size of a squirrel's, so what.
@ Jack
Tough call. I had to pay for the butt ugly bridesmaids dress that was CUSTOM made for my sisters wedding. It was $500 bucks and I never wore it again. I dunno, would he be okay with you just wearing a nice suit and tie? It seems unreasonable to expect you to shell out that kind of money.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 4:07pm.
No, they don't do that anymore. It is the responsibility of the groomsmen/bridesmaids to pay for their own attire. Which sucks cuz when I got married (1995) I bought all the bridesmaid dresses.
All for fucking nothing too - as I was divorced ten years later.
"My pug is smarter than your honor student."
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 4:07pm.
We have to pay for those horror shows masquerading as bridesmaids'/1980s prom dresses, why shouldn't you guys have to pay, too?
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 4:07pm.
Nope. You have to pay. I had to pay for my shiteous gotawful bridesmaid dress a few years ago. That purple nightmare still hangs in my closet as a reminder to never be a part of anyone's wedding ever again.
Cupcake alert...lol.
Had to buy my own bridesmaids dresses twice. Pretty standard.
Say, lemme ax you guys a question. I was asked to be a groomsman in a friend's wedding... I accepted. It's about 2 and a half weeks before the wedding now and he came to me and said "Hey, you need to go get your tux... it'll be about $175." Uhhhh? When I got married back in the stone age the groom paid for all the groomsmen's tuxedos... they don't do that shit anymore?? So it's gonna cost me a couple hundred bucks to stand next to you and your BITCH fiance/whateverthefucksheis for 20 fucking minutes?? and she is a TOTAL bitch, btw. I've never seen a man so afraid of someone that supposedly "loves" him. She be mean.
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by TexnDoc on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 3:30pm.
Wow at the comments. Dog videos from China or Korea always make me nervous because they better perform as demanded or they're killed and eaten. YouTube some Chinese or Korean dog market videos sometime. They aren't sweet owners and dogs are not beloved as in the US and Europe.
You just gave me a case of the sads, Texn. :(
Cows aren't as stupid as people believe either. They can be really sweet and friendly (okay, not exactly geniuses but still very adorable and loving). My friend was raising a cow for beef and he named it "Dinner" and damn if the thing didn't come running up to greet him every day after work and nuzzle into his hand. I don't know how he had the stomach to slaughter that sweet cow.
Submitted by Bossy on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 3:57pm.
I have to pack to move by the end of the week. Ugh, how can anyone like packing or moving? So not motivated.
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I've been helping my sister the last couple of days... she's lived there 26 years... LOTS OF SHIT!
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Bossy, that is why I haven't moved in 18 years.
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I learned how to laugh and I learned how to cry
Well, I learned how to love and I learned how to lie
So you think I could learn how to tell you goodbye, you don't bring me flowers anymore
I have to pack to move by the end of the week. Ugh, how can anyone like packing or moving? So not motivated.