In “Bitch, you know you need to stop” news, Charlie Sheen is threatening to throw a lawsuit at Cheetahs strip club in Manhattan for naming the VIP room after him. The president of Cheetahs says that Charlie isn’t mad because the club is using his name to make money, he’s mad because men can pay to eat sushi off of semi-naked strippers in the VIP room and he feels this damages his reputation. Charlie does have a point. Charlie has a tarnished, bruised, wart-ridden reputation as the warlock king of sucioness to uphold and eating raw fish off of a bare titty is an act that’s way to classy for him. If a dude could pay to snort dried tiger blood out of a hooker’s ass crack as a goat slapped its lipstick on his back, Charlie wouldn’t be bitching. Here’s what the president of Cheetahs told Page Six about Charlie’s threats:
“We figured it would be comical to name a room after him. It was a room [with pictures of Charlie in it] where you could dine on sushi served on cellophane on the body of one of our entertainers, not where you do crack. Then we got notification from his lawyer to cease and desist, claiming the usage of his name would be detrimental to his persona. They said they would sue us for millions if we carried on. How could sushi damage Charlie Sheen’s reputation? We thought dedicating a room to dine in his honor would help repair and elevate his image. He should have called us up and thanked us. We have now removed his name, he wasn’t doing big business for us anyway. We had a little ritual and threw his image in garbage — a celebration of Charlie Sheen being dumped.”
Charlie’s lawyer says it has nothing to do with his reputation and everything to do with Cheetahs making money off of his name.
Who thought this was a good idea in the first place? If I’m going to nibble on coochie fumes-infused raw salmon, I don’t want to do it while staring at a Charlie Sheen picture staring at me. That combination sounds like a quick way to get a case of the barfs and a case of the retina herps.
I’ll never know why Cheetahs didn’t name their VIP room “The Piven Cave” in the first place.