The record for the most nerdjizz loads to hit the ceiling at the same time was broken last night when the newest trailer for The Dark Knight Rises (Yes, I think of a bat boner every time I read that title) was released (Yes, I think of Batman shooting out a bat signal made of bat chowder every time I read “Dark Knight released”). What I got from the trailer is that Bane gets a vocal cord transplant with Liam Neeson and when he’s done blowing up New Gotham York City and shit, he should read classic English novels on tape or narrate the next Planet Earth series. His voice is like English Breakfast for my ears. I’m also trying to get into Anne Hathaway as Catwoman, but the husky voice she’s putting on makes her sound like she’s got a hairball stuck in her froat and she’s about as mysterious as a Scooby Doo episode.
And you know, more people should say, “There’s a storm coming” at the beginning of trailers, because that’s not done enough. I would be so pissed if someone told me there was a storm coming and they really meant it as a metaphor. If some ho told me a storm was a coming, I’d go out and buy yet another piece of shit bodega umbrella thinking that it’s going to rain when what she really is meant that a bunch of comic book villains are coming to burn our city down. Bitch, just say we’re all going to die. Now is not the time for your poetic metaphors and yes, you will reimburse me for that bodega umbrella.