The Iguana Goddess Is Gracing Your Eardrums With New “Music”

April 30, 2012 / Posted by:

Looking like a come-to-life Ganguro Bratz doll, the heir to the lucite throne Courtney Stodden and her creepy queefbag of a husband Doug Hutchison showed the People of Walmart how to truly bring refinement and grace to a big-box store when they shopped at Target in West Hollywood yesterday. Several Target shoppers immediately left after seeing Courtney in the aisles, because they figured that there’s no way they can afford to shop at the same store as an expensive-looking creature who obviously prefers the finer things in life. You’re looking at Courtney’s “dress” and seeing a toddler’s size large tank top, but I’m looking at it and seeing what every French designer will send down the runway at their next couture show.

I’m actually surprised that Courtney can go out in public without get mobbed by thousands of fans (or the police, or agents from Child Protective Services). But all of that will change once the long-awaited (read: the opposite of that) follow-up to her first single “Don’t Put It On Me” debuts at #1 on PedoBear’s iTunes playlist. If you ever wanted to know what it sounds like to hear an iguana dry heave into a high-powered fan, click here (that shit won’t embed, I should take that as a sign) to listen to Courtney’s new song “Reality.” Or as she sings it, “Rillality.”

Courtney tells Fox411 that her new musical masterpiece “is about clubbing and dancing with your sexy partner. To me, it’s a story about lust. It’s about falling in love with someone. Is it in your head, or is it lust?”

To me, Courtney’s song is an auto-tuned cry from humanity for the sun to please crash into the planet, because none of us want to live in a world where a trick has achieved the impossible by making a Heidi Montag song sound like fucking Mozart.

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