The Most Beautiful Woman in the World (served on the tip of a side-eye), seen here semi-SANS FARDS in NYC a few days ago, has something to say about those rumors that Blue Ivy Carter grew in a South American surrogate’s womb while she strapped a House of Dereon brand pillow baby to her torso. Beyonce tells People that it didn’t hurt her feelings when hos said that she was knocked up with memory foam for 9 months, she just thought it was crazy.
“That was crazy. It wasn’t hurtful, it was just crazy. [I thought] ‘Where did they come up with this?’”
Beyonce knows very damn well how this shit started. The rumor was born when Beyonce debuted her bump in true stunt queen fashion at the MTV VMAs and then it took on a new life when her belly folded in half like she was pregnant with Flat Stanley. But Beyonce has an answer for that!
“It was a fabric that folded — does fabric not fold? Oh my gosh, so stupid.”
While Beyonce shook those rumors out of her lacefront, Mama Tina’s black coal of a heart twitched in pain over hos saying that her daughter faked it all. Mama Tina said this:
“I thought it was very unfair and very cruel that someone would think that someone would be that diabolical to keep up a charade like that for nine months. As a mother it was painful for me to hear the crazy rumors. And I even had people ask me, which was so ridiculous.”
Who really cares if Beyonce hired a baby oven or if Blue Ivy Carter grew in her womb of ethereal light? If I was farting out wads of gold-covered hundred dollars bills like Beyonce does, I’d hire a surrogate. Damn. When you get a surrogate to carry your baby, you don’t have to break up with booze, you don’t have to put your bong away for 9 months, you don’t have to have nightmares about shitting on the labor table and you can get as fat as you want and bitches can’t say shit about it. All pluses to me!
And I love how Mama Tina is clutching her 20 carat pink diamond and white gold necklace (Mama Tina doesn’t do common pearls) over the possibility of someone being that diabolical. This coming from a diabolical Disney villainess who keeps a cauldron in House of Dereon’s dungeon and has sacrificed several past members of Destiny’s Child to the Illuminati in exchange for her daughter becoming the queen ruler of the world. (Insert Mama Tina’s wig-raising cackle of doom here.)