OctoMom, Who? It's All About NonuMom! (UPDATE: Shit Is A Hoax)

UPDATE: Karla Vanessa Pérez Castañeda lied to us all! At least that's what Univision (via TMZ) says. One of their reporters interviewed a doctor who claims that she did an ultrasound on Karla and the only thing she saw in her uterus was a whole lot of nothing. Heffa is just fat. I hope Karla has an abuelita who will slap in her lying mouth with a chancleta for this!

Karla Vanessa Pérez Castañeda of Coahuila, Mexico will take OctoMom's stretched out, war veteran uterus and raise her a womb that is about to be inducted into the Mexican Womb Hall of Fame. As OctoMom is quickly losing whatever is left of her sanity while trying to raise 14 kids, Karla Vanessa Pérez Castañeda is quickly losing her hearing from listening to the stretched out pores on her belly scream "SANTO DIOS!!!!" in unison. Televisa (via HuffPo) is reporting that Karla could become NonuMom on May 20th when she's scheduled to pop out 9 human babies in a hospital in Saltillo. Karla's got an entire quinceañera court up in there!

There are conflicting reports as to whether or not Karla used fertility treatments. The Mexican media says that ho must have the baby making parts of a damn mouse, because they're hearing that her litter of 9 was conceived naturally. One month before Karla became a fetus-stuffed piñata, she gave birth to triplets. Now, that is a Duggar on speed. But the American media reports that Karla did use fertility treatments. If the Mexican media is right, then Karla must've been inseminated with bunny sperm or KFed and Lil Wayne's peen sneezed into her chocha at the same time. Those are the only two explanations I can think of.

Karla told the press that she hasn't yet come up with names for her six girls and three boys, "It's very early to think of names for the babies. First I hope that everything goes well." Karla should just make it easier for herself and name them all Concepcion. It's the greatest name ever and it also describes what Karla spends most of her time doing.

If everything goes well, this will be the highest multiple births on record.

Karla is having the c-section of all c-sections, right? And Karla's doctors have already told her to not use the v-word (vaginal birth) out loud, right? Because if she did, homegirl's coochie will jump off her body and run toward the Gulf of Mexico to hide itself underwater. It is not here for that kind of shit!

(Picture of Karla via El Diario) (Thanks to Anilu & Dawn)

Posted by: Michael K

•

Submitted by angela34 on Tue, 05/22/2012 - 8:55am.

Isn't there any form of medical test that would clarify the situation? A teleradiology would probably show everything but I am not sure it's recommendable for a pregnancy.

Submitted by MizRo on Sat, 04/28/2012 - 8:53am.

Chicharones!!! That reduced me to giggles GG.

Submitted by Gigaboob on Sat, 04/28/2012 - 2:35am.

Um....clearly by looking at her, the only thing she is giving birth to is 14 super burritos. Bitch is not pregnant, just morbidly obese. Not sure how anyone, especially anyone pregnant at one time or another would think she was pregnant.

Submitted by WithinReason... on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 11:22pm.

It's a hoax? Worst part is that at the end of the article MK linked to, they solicit donations of towels, diapers, milk, cribs, clothes etc. even give contact info and everything!! :O

Tag: I Don't Like Jokes

•-•-•-•-•-•
"Latin and Greek are not dead, they are immortal!"
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦♮♠░░░░

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 9:05pm.

She just needs to lay off the chicharones and Coronas. Eat a damned salad!

Submitted by Meatblocks on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 8:48pm.

Submitted by TexnDoc on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 9:45pm.
... women who believe they are pregnant and aren't ... have "Pseudocyesis"

...

and what is the syndrome called when a woman falsely claims she won bazillions on a lottery ticket she hid at mcdonalds?
i think the lady claiming 9 fetuses has the same mental illness -dumbdesperatepsychofamewhoritis.

( ... but, yeah, i've heard of pseudocyesis before)

.....................................................
"The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing."
~Edmund Burke
http://youtu.be/p0mHxtpoq2c

*peddles off in a mint '88 yugo*

Submitted by TexnDoc on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 8:15pm.

LMAO. I don't know how long the Update has been there, but it is hilarious.

OK true story: women who believe they are pregnant and aren't (maybe they've had a hysterectomy) have "Pseudocyesis" and it can be so bad a fatty like this can show up on a maternity ward ER, be having a period, screaming or something and the nurse listens with a doppler and hears the mothers heart beat (thinks its a low baby one) and the woman gets rushed to the OR for an "emergency c-section" and she isn't even pregnant! Think it's ridiculous or just happens in inner city hospitals, think again.

Submitted by Meatblocks on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 5:28pm.

ahaaa haaa haa haaa haaa *laughs at self*.
i am such a dick. didn't see the "update:hoax" nor did i read all the posts already calling it bullshit.
i think i'll go have drinks with detective latoya tonight ... we need to discuss ...

.....................................................
"The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing."
~Edmund Burke
http://youtu.be/p0mHxtpoq2c

*peddles off in a mint '88 yugo*

Submitted by K2 on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 5:22pm.

I call bullshit on conceiving naturally! GTFOH.

She already has triplets and a daughter. If this isnt IVF then she should've been using some type of contraception! Her hubby changes tires for a living... how does she afford the 4 she already has?! This is ashame. Cant imagine she isnt scared for her own health.

If this is the work of IVF- then some new laws need to be implemented. This is just crazy shit. We're human - not animals. We dont birth litters!

Submitted by Meatblocks on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 5:19pm.

if it hasn't been called yet, i'm calling this out as bullshit. that pic on tmz is a octo-paste job.

.....................................................
"The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing."
~Edmund Burke
http://youtu.be/p0mHxtpoq2c

*peddles off in a mint '88 yugo*

Submitted by mefunigirl on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 4:50pm.

Submitted by Anima on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 6:13pm.

hahah! google translate makes that one funny page.

the planet is relieved, and good on the dlisters who knew it was bullshit!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz

Submitted by Anima on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 4:43pm.

Apparently the mexican government issued a statement denying this. And it seems the woman didn't have triplets either, she has a 5 year old, and her oldest son is already 15.

Submitted by Chris Eccleston... on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 4:21pm.

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 4:04pm.
Submitted by Chris Eccleston... on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 3:13pm.

Count me in.

++++

Sweet. I'll fuck you til you're a woman.

----------------------------------------------------
My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.

Submitted by BabyJane on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 4:01pm.

This woman needs to get together with the McDonald's lottery winning woman and take their fake ass acts on the road.

********************************************

I've written a letter to MK...saying...I...love...youuuuuu.

Submitted by M.E. on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 3:52pm.

FOR WHY?

Submitted by WithinReason... on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 3:23pm.

Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 1:42pm.
@Joe Here's a picture of her from TMZ.
http://www.tmz.com/2012/04/27/nuevemom-karla-vanessa-perez-pregnant-nine...
--
Momus, please warn a bitch next time, that was AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHRRRRRGGGGGG!!
*faints*

lololol

•-•-•-•-•-•
"Latin and Greek are not dead, they are immortal!"
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦♮♠░░░░

Submitted by WithinReason... on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 3:22pm.

"SANTO DIOS!!!!" - is right man! I can't imagine the stretch out... my lorrrd!

Conceived naturally? I'd believe immaculate conception first! ;)

•-•-•-•-•-•
"Latin and Greek are not dead, they are immortal!"
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦♮♠░░░░

Submitted by Bjork You on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 2:51pm.

Submitted by MardiGras on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 3:46pm.

”We don’t have private medical care or social security and my husband only earns money intermittently."

This is what I found when I googled her. Perfect.

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Please, that is half of America now!

Maybe Mrs. Castañeda can hire a couple of the Duggar kids as au pairs.

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 2:34pm.

Submitted by Chris Eccleston... on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 3:13pm.

Count me in.
_____________________________________________
"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers

Submitted by SFRB on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 2:34pm.

Fertility drugs are easy and cheap in Mexico.

Just like me.

*~*~*~* ========|D ~o ~o (_(_) ~*~*~*~*~*
So, my advice is you can’t make a ho a housewife. Don’t try to reinvent the wheel. Let her do what she born to do: ho. Yeah. HO. Punk bitch.

Submitted by mefunigirl on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 2:30pm.

Submitted by Bjork You on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 3:23pm.

I don't see anything about welfare anywhere either...does Mexico have welfare? But, the article up there does say they don't have insurance and her husband make 100 pesos a day which is about 7 USD a day right? I don't know how much you need to live in Mexico, but it sounds hard to live off 7 bucks a day when you have 13 kids. You couldn't do it here.
She better learn how to grow some veggies.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz

Submitted by Chris Knight on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 2:22pm.

Somebody needs glasses or a new brain. The idiot isnt pregnant, shes just fat. End of it.

Submitted by MardiGras on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 2:16pm.

”We don’t have private medical care or social security and my husband only earns money intermittently."

This is what I found when I googled her. Perfect.

Submitted by Aphid on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 2:14pm.

Hijole! Are they in her tetas?

Submitted by Bjork You on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 1:53pm.

Submitted by moomarse on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 1:05pm.

"Concepcion. It's the greatest name ever and it also describes what Karla spends most of her time doing. "

!!! there's more than one way to keep that welfare check comin'!!! I can barely handle 2 kids and these bitches thinks littering 6-7-8 of them is just so fun! WTF.....

========

Where does it say that she is on welfare? Sorry, I must have missed that part. She's not American so you mean Mexican welfare? I don't know their system. Also, she is poor? I am just reading what MK wrote, his links, and the comments in here, and I guess I still missed something in the story. The Spanish link has this info?

Anyway, I think Mrs. Castañeda should get a Jheri curl and Rimmel's darkest black eyeliner for her brows like Joe Jackson and give all of those babies instruments and microphones. Back then folks knew what to do with a litter.

The Jackson 5:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4VCUbL7jsc

White Folks answer to The Jackson 5, The Osmonds:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYDgjY7_jW8&feature=related

Canada's answer to The Jackson 5, The DeFranco Family:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fg5JDb4sSu8

Don't forget the Tonga's answer!, The Jets:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nm_QilrHkh8

Submitted by Chris Eccleston... on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 1:43pm.

Submitted by FluffKitteh on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 3:08pm.

Me, too. Oh well. Maybe Whamo and jack can be our sex slaves.

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My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.

Submitted by agirl on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 1:42pm.

That doesn't look like a pregnant belly - looks like ordinary chub to me.

Submitted by mefunigirl on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 1:40pm.

another one having babies she couldn't afford even if she did go back to beauty school.

how are they going to feed these babies?? is he a farmer? whispers *please let him be a farmer*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz

Submitted by FluffKitteh on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 1:38pm.

Sorry, Chris. I'm strictly dickly. :-)

Submitted by Chris Eccleston... on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 2:42pm.
Submitted by FluffKitteh on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 1:50pm.
This chick can get knocked up with 9 kids, and I can't get a date. FML!

+++

You and me both. Hey, maybe we should be lesbionic lovahs.

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"Brows should not look like a condiment!" -MK

Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 1:27pm.

ubmitted by Crikey on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 2:53pm.
Momus, that's not a photo of NonuMom. That's a photo of Octomom altered with the colors of the Mexican flag by TMZ to represent this new NonuMom.

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WHAT!!!!!!

TMZ LIED!!!!!

*whimpers at the ugly truth*

☺☺☺☺☺

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“It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him.” J.R.R. Tolkein
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Submitted by Crikey on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 1:23pm.

Momus, that's not a photo of NonuMom. That's a photo of Octomom altered with the colors of the Mexican flag by TMZ to represent this new NonuMom.

See the image on the left here:
http://tinyurl.com/7p8mjz3

And yes, I'm ashamed that I know this.

Submitted by NovaNightly on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 1:23pm.

I think the husband should be looking up the Michelin Man right about now...it's obvious he had a hand in this.

<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!!!

Submitted by NovaNightly on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 1:22pm.

Probably best for her to get a c-section. Those spare tires wont birth easily.

<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!!!

Submitted by rotten_egg on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 1:19pm.

Having one baby at a time is NORMAL for a human, having twins is RARE, triplets are EXTREMELY RARE, quadruplets are super duper rare... but 9 fucking babies is BULLSHIT unless artificial insemination is involved. We aren't dogs and it pisses me off that there will be ignorant fuckers out there who will buy this shitty story believing it's true.

What I would like to know is how a poor couple of only $100 pesos in income was able to pay this process. As far as I know, this in vitro crap is quite expensive and nobody with that income can afford it; unless she's some sort of guinney pig of sorts or the story is completely fabicated.

Other than that, someone should stop this irresponsible and lame over-breeding.

**************
-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.

Submitted by Honeybadger on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 1:15pm.

I am guessing she is going to have an interview at an LA TV station around her due date... BOOM! nine new "citizens"

Educate yourself on the badass, not-fuck-giving honeybadger, Olivia! ~MK

Submitted by Chris Eccleston... on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 1:12pm.

Submitted by FluffKitteh on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 1:50pm.
This chick can get knocked up with 9 kids, and I can't get a date. FML!

+++

You and me both. Hey, maybe we should be lesbionic lovahs.

----------------------------------------------------
My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.

Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 12:57pm.

Submitted by snowball on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 2:25pm.
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 1:42pm.
@Joe

Here's a picture of her from TMZ.

_____________________

**runs screaming from Dlisted**

======

At least I didn't make that picture my avatar for today.

Submitted by snowball on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 12:55pm.

Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 1:42pm.
@Joe

Here's a picture of her from TMZ.

_____________________

**runs screaming from Dlisted**

Submitted by Kelly0213 on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 12:53pm.

Okay if she's having 6 girls and 3 boys..It's past week 18 to know that and she looks nothing like Octomom did (with her huge ass round belly) this woman looks like she swallowed 4 tires.. Weird.

Submitted by saltydog88 on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 12:51pm.

I want to have lots of kids by fathers of different races

Submitted by stake_spike on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 12:50pm.

Judging by that couch I would be really surprised if she could afford IVF. And I'd be even more surprised that some back alley Mexican doctor could perfom that shit.

Submitted by MickeyHolland on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 12:40pm.

Any sain person would totally freak out at this point. Taking care of 9 newborns is humanly impossible.

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"We are here on earth to do good for others.
What the others are here for, I don't know."
W.H. Auden

Submitted by christine the hoff on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 12:35pm.

words fail me except holeeee shit,batman.

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Sir, you killed your date? What in the name of Phil Spector happened?

Submitted by Paquita on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 12:30pm.

When my mom told me about this chick this morning I just knew it would make it up to the D. Angers me that this is what Mexico sums up to be along with the drugs and violence. My country is not fat chicks giving birth to 9 babies. When did humans started having kids like dogs?

Submitted by FluffKitteh on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 1:50pm.

yeah... Story of my life! Guess ugly chicks give it away waaaaay easy.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Don't blame me! I voted for Kodos!
http://lif3d3sign.tumblr.com/

Submitted by Datura on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 12:28pm.

I hope her doctors at least gave her the option to electively abort some of them very early into the pregnancy. It just seems more humane to elect to have three or four healthy babies than 9 underdeveloped babies with severe birth trauma.

*~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~*
“he looks like some sort of sea serpent like an octopus, catfish or something from pirates of the caribbean and his stomach is gross it looks like hes prego with a giant wiener” – kittymuffin on The Situat

Submitted by joe shmoe on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 12:28pm.

Submitted by Whamo on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 1:47pm.
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 1:42pm.
@Joe

Here's a picture of her from TMZ
*****

That is just not normal. At all.

************
To scoff or not to scoff? That is the question.

Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 12:26pm.

Submitted by Whamo on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 1:47pm.

Yep.

Submitted by FluffKitteh on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 12:20pm.

This chick can get knocked up with 9 kids, and I can't get a date. FML!

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"Brows should not look like a condiment!" -MK

Submitted by boredasfuckyo on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 12:20pm.

As long as that stupid bitch stays her ass in Mexico and doesn't try to sneak over here illegally, I don't care. Honestly, though, it's fucking Mexico, unless you're like some drug lord or some sketch political person or popstar, isn't the vast majority of Mexico on a high poverty level? Why the fuck would you do that? Intentionally take feritility treatment? Also, I was under the impression it wasn't hard for a mexican to pop out 9 kids all under the age of 12, without feritility or multiplies...awww. yea, Bored as fuck just became an insult comic. Whatcho wanna do?

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I want you to get on them fat chubby knees and take muh manhood in to your sugarwalls!-Early Cuyler -Squidbillies-