OctoMom, Who? It's All About NonuMom! (UPDATE: Shit Is A Hoax)
UPDATE: Karla Vanessa Pérez Castañeda lied to us all! At least that's what Univision (via TMZ) says. One of their reporters interviewed a doctor who claims that she did an ultrasound on Karla and the only thing she saw in her uterus was a whole lot of nothing. Heffa is just fat. I hope Karla has an abuelita who will slap in her lying mouth with a chancleta for this!
Karla Vanessa Pérez Castañeda of Coahuila, Mexico will take OctoMom's stretched out, war veteran uterus and raise her a womb that is about to be inducted into the Mexican Womb Hall of Fame. As OctoMom is quickly losing whatever is left of her sanity while trying to raise 14 kids, Karla Vanessa Pérez Castañeda is quickly losing her hearing from listening to the stretched out pores on her belly scream "SANTO DIOS!!!!" in unison. Televisa (via HuffPo) is reporting that Karla could become NonuMom on May 20th when she's scheduled to pop out 9 human babies in a hospital in Saltillo. Karla's got an entire quinceañera court up in there!
There are conflicting reports as to whether or not Karla used fertility treatments. The Mexican media says that ho must have the baby making parts of a damn mouse, because they're hearing that her litter of 9 was conceived naturally. One month before Karla became a fetus-stuffed piñata, she gave birth to triplets. Now, that is a Duggar on speed. But the American media reports that Karla did use fertility treatments. If the Mexican media is right, then Karla must've been inseminated with bunny sperm or KFed and Lil Wayne's peen sneezed into her chocha at the same time. Those are the only two explanations I can think of.
Karla told the press that she hasn't yet come up with names for her six girls and three boys, "It's very early to think of names for the babies. First I hope that everything goes well." Karla should just make it easier for herself and name them all Concepcion. It's the greatest name ever and it also describes what Karla spends most of her time doing.
If everything goes well, this will be the highest multiple births on record.
Karla is having the c-section of all c-sections, right? And Karla's doctors have already told her to not use the v-word (vaginal birth) out loud, right? Because if she did, homegirl's coochie will jump off her body and run toward the Gulf of Mexico to hide itself underwater. It is not here for that kind of shit!
(Picture of Karla via El Diario) (Thanks to Anilu & Dawn)