When TMZ said last month that OctoMom was getting $2,000 a month in food stamps, I couldn’t figure out how she could feed a family of 26 (including her multiple personalities) on such little money. Well, I don’t have to worry about the OctoKids eating each other’s boogers for nourishment while locked in their baby prison, because she said in an interview with Good Morning America that she’s actually getting $4,000 to $5,000 a month from California taxpayers. It’s good to know that when Octo feeds her child army breakfast by putting out a giant bowl of water in the backyard, she pours Cheerios brand Cheerios in there instead of the generic brand Cheerios that come in a plastic bag. You know which one I’m talking about.
Octo was on GMA to defend herself against those pictures of her Baby House of Terror. Octo’s hairstylist, the one she paid $520 for a Brazilian Blowout, ratted a bitch out by giving the pictures to TMZ and the La Habra Police Department. Octo told GMA that she was set up and it’s not as bad as it looks.
On her chirruns bonding with nature by going caca in potty training toilets in the backyard, because her indoor plumbing was busted: “She (the hairstylist) thought it was unacceptable that they’re, you know, half-naked, goin’ potty. I mean, moms out there, come on.” (Note: The toilets in her house are fixed now.)
On how she didn’t lock her children up in the bedroom. She put the chair there to keep them out: “I didn’t want the kids to go in there at the time and one of my older kids jammed the chair up there so they wouldn’t keep opening and closing the door.”
On how she paid $520 to maintain her hair beauty when she’s on public assistance and doesn’t have a steady job: Octo says the $520 included a Brazilian Blowout and haircuts for the entire family. “I am making money, though. I have jobs and can afford it.”
On how she’s getting $4,000 to $5,000 a month in food stamps: “It’s almost over. This is our last month on help.”
Why do her 15 thousand kids need haircuts, anyway? Suze Orman needs to nail this bitch with another clue. You don’t need to pay someone to cut your kid’s hair when you can do it yourself. Kids can have jacked up hair, they’re kids! Growing up middle class, my mom could afford to take us to MasterCuts, but when she didn’t feel like it she took us to the backyard and cut our mops herself. All you need is a pair of scissors, two semi-working hands and the ability to hold in a laugh when your kid ends up with a haircut from the HERP DERP look book. My sister’s hair couldn’t look more fucked up if she cut it herself in the garbage disposal. It had layers, alright, and each layer was more messed up than the next. It was the 80s, though, so we just looked New Wave. See, Octo’s kids can bring back New Wave glamour!
And as for Octo, bitch’s hair looks fine and it doesn’t need a blow job from Brazil. What Octo needs to do is go out into nature, lay down on the dirt and wait until some stupid birds mistake those bushy brows for hairy caterpillars. Let their beaks fix her eyebrow situation, because it needs fixing bad.