Mila Kunis Doesn’t Want You To Know That She’s Humping On Ashton Kutcher

April 24, 2012 / Posted by:

Mila Kunis let out a capital N-O over a week ago after the rumor started that she had an all-naked That ’70s Show reunion with Ashton Kutcher. Mila said the same shit you say when your friend accuses you of scooting your goods all over the town douche: We’re just friends! We just drink tea together. Well, People says that over the weekend, Mila and Ashton spent three days together in Carpinteria, CA. During the three days, they ate sushi, bought flowers and had coffee, so yeah they’re totally bumping nipples. Some source close to Ashton tells People that he has always farted hearts out of his eyes for Mila:

“He was so in love with her for a while when they worked together. He thought she was a goddess, was always talking about how beautiful she is. But she was with Macaulay [Culkin] for a lot of that time and also just generally gave off a not interested vibe. It never happened, but I’m not surprised by this – at all.”

Ashton Kutcher is a certified asshole, but he’s hot on the outside, so I totally understand that Mila wants to ride that shit until her poon lips fall off, but she needs to keep denying. Just deny, deny, deny away no matter what the media asks.

Media: Are you dating Ashton Kutcher?
Mila: No, we’re just friends. This best friends forever half-heart pendant is from him and he’s wearing the other half. Fuck buddies do not give each other BFF half-heart pendants. That’s gross.

Media: Then why does your breath smell like a clean pussy?
Mila: Because I gargle with Massengill. If it’s good enough for my vagina, it’s good enough for my mouth.

Media: But we have these pictures of you with Ashton’s peen in your mouth.
Mila: Talk about getting blown (no pun intended) out of proportion! We were having a sleepover and I forgot to bring my toothbrush. As a good friend, Ashton knows how much I care about dental hygiene, so he put Crest on his peen and let me brush my teeth with it. Do you expect me to use his toothbrush? Gross again!

Seriously, if you don’t admit it, it didn’t happen! And here’s a few pictures from last week of Ashton trolling around NYC with a lady who isn’t Mila Kunis. I’m only posing these stupid pictures, because Ashton’s sweater looks like one of those delicious neopolitan candies.

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