The Karkrashians Are $40 Million Richer

April 24, 2012 / Posted by:

That cash-collection cackling just warmed the veins in Lucifer’s horns.

Pimp Mama Kris is so winning that lifetime achievement award at the Pimp’s Ball this year, because her stable of whores will get paid $40 million dollars for three more seasons of doing absolutely nothing in front of E!’s cameras. E! announced today that they have made their sacrifice to Satan by renewing Keeping Up With the Kuntrashians for 3 more seasons and TMZ says the deal is worth $40 million. Kim, Khloezilla, the other one, Pimp Mama Kris and their lesbian grandma Bruce Jenner will get their greedy paws around most of the pot and Kendall, Kylie and Rob will get the rest. Scott Disick and Lamar Odom have their own deals. The deal only includes the Kuntrashian’s current shit shows, so Kim will make even more money when E! eventually greenlights Kim & Kanye Kill Humanity.

And TMZ doesn’t even mention how much E! put in Ryan Seacrest’s leprechaun pot for staying on as executive producer. That’s on top of the $30 million he’s getting for Idol. It’s Teabag Tuesdays at the Scientology’s men’s lounge, so usually Tommy Girl is the happiest troll in all the land, but not today. Gaycrest is!

I can think of a lot better ways to spend $40 million (examples: make a burning man out of one dollar bills and let the hippies burn it to the ground, buy PUPPIES for everyone, pay a discount hooker to give $1 handjobs to 40 million people, etc…), but we’re to blame. We created these whores! We fed the whore monster. Speaking of feeding the monster, Ray-J has his crooked peen out and is patiently waiting for Pimp Mama Kris to feed it 10% of their deal for creating all of this.

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