Simon Cowell Is A Non-Stop Sex Machine, So Says Alicia Douvall
Most tricks who have nose fucked Simon Cowell between his furry chest turnovers pray every night that another soul never finds out, but glamorous British trash Alicia Douvall isn't like most tricks. Alicia, who is best known around these parts for committing premeditated titty abuse, isn't happy that her name is nowhere in Sweet Revenge, the unauthorized biography about Simon Cowell's life. So what's a fame whore to do when a biography writer won't let her be great? She runs off to The Sun (via Daily Mail) to tell them about her precious moments with Simon Cowell's titties. Alicia's six months with Simon started when they met at a bar in 2001. After a few dates, they finally bumped wet parts and Alicia says they didn't stop until her pussy practically submitted a transfer request.
"On the third of fourth date we ended up doing it 11 times in one night... We started having sex and went on through the night. We slept a little bit in between but only for a few minutes.Every time we had sex he would analyse my performance just like a judge on the TV and say how there could be an improvement next time."
So this is how Alicia is paying for her 4,965th titty rotation. Simon obviously slipped a check between her plastic baby head titties to say this. Like Simon really fucked Alicia's ugly toe off. Please. They didn't do it 11 times in a row, because if they did his neighbors would've called the bomb squad after smelling the toxic scent of curdled grease and burnt Tupperware coming from his house. But I do like the thought of Simon critiquing a ho after sex. "That last queef was really pitchy. You fuck like a cruise ship performer on Dramamine. It reminded me of the kind of fuck you'd have at a wedding reception."
But you know, maybe I'm totally off base and Alicia is telling the truth. She does have a glimmer in her eye like she's seen the light peeking out of Simon's nipple hole as his chichis bounced up and down while he hit it from the front. I mean, watching Simon's titties bounce IS a spiritual experience.
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Submitted by Provolone on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 3:03pm.
What's a bendy?
Urbandictionary isn't helping.
XxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxxXxxxxxx
Provy, when a man's peen is semi hard.......in this case after repeated sexy times.
Janey, seriously, the bendy is now a vital part of our vocab!
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
Submitted by Bigbendy on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 2:58pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 2:21pm.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 04/23/2012 - ff in.
XxxxxxxXxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxxXxxxx
Whamo, This. You are right on the money. Although I'm not sure what number it was, that was the nickname that I gave my boyfriend......hence my avie Bigbendy!
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I was wondering where your nickname came from! Always an education on the D.
What's a bendy?
Urbandictionary isn't helping.
Last thing the world needs is a visualization of Simon thrusting...
...............................
Worrying is using your imagination
to create something you don’t want.
I call bullshit on "we did it 11 times in one night" and "he criticized me like a TV judge" Simon is pretty douchey but that is just realistic, she is clearly exaggerating to sell the story
Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 2:21pm.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 2:12pm.
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 2:08pm.
I call bullshit. Or her definition of sex is wonky. I don't believe any human man can ejaculate 11 times in a night.
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I think 7 is the maximum....
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and the 7th is a bendy you kinda have to stuff in.
XxxxxxxXxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxxXxxxx
Whamo, This. You are right on the money. Although I'm not sure what number it was, that was the nickname that I gave my boyfriend......hence my avie Bigbendy!
Eleven times in one night. Yeah, right. Isn't Cowell a smoker and he wasn't twenty at the time.He's probably good for once, twice, three times at the very most.
If truth is beauty, then we are all hideous monsters.
She seems like an honest, classy broad...
NOT
COWELL is trying too hard to hide his gayness.
As if she can count to eleven.
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“It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him.” J.R.R. Tolkein
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Maybe this dimwit is mistaking the 11 thrust Simon made as 11 seperate times.
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 2:45pm.
I really need Whamo to come back in here....
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LOL:)
*low sweeping bow for MJT*
I really need Whamo to come back in here and take a bow or a curtsy. Something. I am still laughing. Oh, the bendy.
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I'm jumpier than a virgin at a prison rodeo - Blanche Devereaux
There is nothing short of a video to convince me that Simon has sex with women.
The bendy?????
Bwahahahahahaha! Imma pull back on the road now.
*vroomvroom*
2001...Really
This sack of shit has a teenage daughter. Jesus take the wheel.
She counted?
She better not man-titty fuck him unless she wants carpet burn on her dick
what a stupid story.
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No, you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records
And then change your number
Guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
HAHAHA! Whamo, I stand corrected.
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Douchechill!
Submitted by RandéSleepover on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 2:23pm.
You know you have no self-esteem when someone analyses your sexual performance just like a judge on TV, says how there could be an improvement next time, and you let there be a next time.
LOL! YES, what a dummy.
"The Bendy"
"Stuff it in"
BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!!!
I think every woman has been there at least once.
*awkward*
Submitted by RandéSleepover: "You know you have no self-esteem when someone analyses your sexual performance just like a judge on TV, says how there could be an improvement next time, and you let there be a next time."
Truth.
LOLOL Whamo and MissJane..
the bendy
(instant and permanent addition to dlisted vernacular)
hhaaahahaaaa
I wonder if that's her O face?
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"... and her temper worse than wildfire it is gunpowder and blows up everything ..." Mary Shelley
bahahaha Rande....so true!
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Winter is coming!
Oh Simon...is that better...no...how bout this? Anything for your approval!!!!! *eyef*ckingroll*
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 2:21pm.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 2:12pm.
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 2:08pm.
I call bullshit. Or her definition of sex is wonky. I don't believe any human man can ejaculate 11 times in a night.
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I think 7 is the maximum....
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and the 7th is a bendy you kinda have to stuff in.
- - - - -
God, I hate those!
AHAHHAHHAHAH WHAMO! "and the 7th is a bendy you kinda have to stuff in"
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 2:23pm.
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She was an Italian man at one time so does that count as ethnic!?
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Bwhahahahahaha! You're hot today, Whamo!
11 Xs $2= $22. Works hard for the money.
Submitted by NOT IMPRESSED on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 2:20pm.
I call bullshit only because everyone knows Simon prefers ethnic chicks.
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She was an Italian man at one time so does that count as ethnic!?
You know you have no self-esteem when someone analyses your sexual performance just like a judge on TV, says how there could be an improvement next time, and you let there be a next time.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Please: It's "rahnday."
Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 2:21pm.
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!
The bendy.
HAHAHAHAHAHAH.
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I'm jumpier than a virgin at a prison rodeo - Blanche Devereaux
Well there is a mental image I didn't need. *voms*
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I'm jumpier than a virgin at a prison rodeo - Blanche Devereaux
Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 2:19pm.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 2:12pm.
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 2:08pm.
I call bullshit. Or her definition of sex is wonky. I don't believe any human man can ejaculate 11 times in a night.
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I think 7 is the maximum....
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7 and the 7th is a bendy you have to kinda stuff in!
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Wow, and this is without pharmaceutical assistance?
I've obviously have not dated well. :-(
I call bullshit only because everyone knows Simon prefers ethnic chicks.
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Douchechill!
HAHAHAAHAH dumb ho contesting the omission!!! Still don't believe a word of it but even if were partly true, who cares, big YUCK to both! LOL
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"Latin and Greek are not dead, they are immortal!"
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦♮♠░░░░
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 2:12pm.
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 2:08pm.
I call bullshit. Or her definition of sex is wonky. I don't believe any human man can ejaculate 11 times in a night.
-----------------
I think 7 is the maximum....
=============================================
and the 7th is a bendy you kinda have to stuff in.
both of these creatures are rancid...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
Baby head wordihate! Lmao.
11x?!?!?! Sure.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 2:08pm.
I call bullshit. Or her definition of sex is wonky. I don't believe any human man can ejaculate 11 times in a night.
-----------------
I think 7 is the maximum....
_____________________________________________
"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Every time we had sex he would analyse my performance just like a judge on the TV and say how there could be an improvement next time."
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I would expect nothing less from him.
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Like I'm going to believe what an OBVIOUS paid piece of ass would say!
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 2:08pm.
I call bullshit. Or her definition of sex is wonky. I don't believe any human man can ejaculate 11 times in a night.
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Exactly! Men are like a musket rifle, they can usually only shoot off one load at a time and it usually takes a while before they can re-fire again.
Who? And EW!
I call bullshit. Or her definition of sex is wonky. I don't believe any human man can ejaculate 11 times in a night.
"That last queef was really pitchy. You fuck like a cruise ship performer on Dramamine. It reminded me of the kind of fuck you'd have at a wedding reception."
LOL MK< awww I miss Simon, AI is useless now
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky