Monday, April 23rd 2012
Open Post: Hosted By A Fapping Seal
You're going to try to tell me that this isn't Seal beating his club while watching a lady bust out Adele during an episode of Australia's The Voice, but you won't convince me. I don't care if you tell me Seal's just got a case of restless leg syndrome, I won't believe it. I don't care if you tell me that he's happily relieved after a stubborn fart bubble finally made its way out of his butt, I won't believe it. Seal is fapping and you can't tell me otherwise. Obviously, the new way for the judges on The Voice to show they're really into a contestant is by whipping it out and going at it right there. You know what to do, Adam Levine! Or should I say, you know who to do, Adam Levine. Yourself! In front of us! GO!
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Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 4:11pm.
Is Chestica Simpleton still pregnant?
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Methinks that the bebeh is staying inside so that it doesn't have to hear her sing lullabies.
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“It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him.” J.R.R. Tolkein
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The whole time I'm reading that I thought seal meant the actual animal...So I went into that clip expecting a fat girl with the voice of a seal screwing itself. Im a bit disappointed
Submitted by Dog on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 5:16pm.
Only the UK Brownie troops eat chalk. Ask Sandbitch.
---I'm so going to scan the pic of me in my brownie uniform, doing the salute LOL. Srsly, where I lived in the UK, there were lots of natural chalk deposits. One could dig up a clump in the back garden. And fossils. And a hedgehog.
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Sucky - Ultimate Grand Supreme Dlisted Celebrity
http://youtu.be/kYrxbOV_znM
Anybody get snow? Dog?
Hey, you guys, I need to get serious here. Have any of you tried online dating? I'm in a long-term relationship that I'm not getting anything out of, and I'm starting to think of my future and how I'm feeling lonely despite the fact that I am in a relationship. Pros & cons? Any help is much welcomed -- thanks in advance!
I ate play doh, too, M.E.!! hahahahahaaa and that damn paste in first grade... see, I turned out fine. *shoulder twitches*
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
*spins around in big ass chair like in the show*
Seal...LMAO!
Submitted by Sandbitch on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 5:02pm.
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Your avie's making me laugh.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 5:03pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 5:00pm.
I would have totally let her statutory-rape-my-ass....
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Fuckin A! lol!!
Lol @anyramblingon ME! Well he sounded fun @ least! * googles spicolli* This guy was looking to score I think. Creeeeper.
My husband dated the hs librarian. Even when we met...which was way after hs.
edit: Sean Penn...LMAO.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Only the UK Brownie troops eat chalk. Ask Sandbitch.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
guest - my senior year in HS I was the editor of the yearbook. Lots of late nights and working weekends to meet deadlines. Anyramblingon, the teacher was a total Spicolli. The small group of us that were dedicated enough to spend the extra time there got to smoke out and drink with said teacher.
Wonder how his teacher career is now?????
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 5:04pm.
LMMFAO at Sandy!!!! I've seen your dumbass on that "My weird obsession" show... NASTY!
---G'arn eat the mud and chalk, it'll put hairs on your chest.
See we were so poor back in the UK, I didn't have real food for my kiddy tea parties. And I kept grasshoppers in my nans musical jewellry box because I didn't have any brothers or sisters. So I thought.
:) I must've been a shit of a kid come to think of it.
Pretty sure Jessica Simpson said she used to eat chalk too.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Mmmmmm chalk.
Remember that paste from first & second grade that smelled so yummy? Some kids actually ate that.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Retrospectively speaking....there was this teacher in hs that went out to dinner with us one nite after we graduated...ew. What were we thinking? Oh I know...we weren't.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Sandbitch - you ate chalk? LMAO!
I can't talk, I ate play doh.
LMMFAO at Sandy!!!! I've seen your dumbass on that "My weird obsession" show... NASTY!
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 5:00pm.
LOL I had a 9th grade English teacher just like that.... good God that was hot. I would have totally let her statutory-rape-my-ass....
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
@ Lisbet
It happens. I worked with a woman who looked quite pregnant. I made a similar query and it turned out she had a HUGE fibroid. Felt bad for her because she spend most of the year sporting tent dresses until she could have the surgery to remove it. No kidding, the thing was a 9 pounder!
Lisbet: it totally was unintentional. Really. ETA: he stood there lecturing with his hands at his side and the chalk in one hand. He'd hold it loosely and let it rattle around in his hand but the motion he used to make the chalk roll around in his hand looked like fapping. But it wasn't in front of his crotch it was at his side.
He was such a goody goody, which actually made him even sexier. He was wholesome and into Whitman and had a canoe. He would stand up there and earnestly try to teach us and we were cooking up the filthiest fantasies about him. He tended to blush and was truly shocked at some of the things he learned from us.
I used to eat chalk (and mud and ants) when I was a kid. I once ate a whole bottle of Milk of Magnesia (laxative pills) because they reminded me of chalk. Shit through the eye of a needle or what.
Years later, I got a craving for chalk when I was pregnant. So I dun hunted down and ate a stick. It wasn't anywhere near as good as old school chalk.
TEAM EAT THE CHALK.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 4:52pm.
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Mine was nothing as good as your red head hand job teacher but I had a French teacher in grade 8 that was really pretty AND busty. When she wore shirts with buttons all the way up sometimes she would sit a certain way you could see the little space between button and see just a little bit of her lacy bra. I use to think that was the sexiest thing in the world man!
Lisbet: aww you meant well. And you learned the lesson.
When a dear old friend of mine came to see me aftet many many years, she looked totally pregnant. She was always skinny and she still was, except for her huge belly. It was on the tip of my tongue to congratulate her but I held back. Good thing, too, because it was just a raging case* of alkie bloat. She poured about five glugs of our good scotch into her Starbucks as soon as she walked in. Holy moly.
* sorry I copied this from someone else's post. Nice turn of phrase!
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 4:45pm.
AHAHAHAAA My psychology teacher used to do that... She was a HOTTERTHANHELLREDHEAD and used to do the handjob motion with the chalk... dear GOD how I wished I was a stick of chalk in those days... she used to get this sticky ball of spit that gathered in the middle of her upper lip when she talked... you can only imagine the dirty shit running through my head... It was all way to much to handle I can tell you that...
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 4:34pm.
Found out later she was a raging alcoholic with a fucking beer gut.
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I assume you dated after graduation?
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Dark-sided!
Pardone me for being OT in the OP, but I must.
"The Voice" is so crashingly awful. I mean really really awful. WTF is with Joel Madden's voice for starters. Delta Goodrem you just want to slap about. Seal is so unctuous and shiny and slippery looking. How the fucking hell did Heidi is what.
I can't tell you a damn thing about any of the contestants with all that bollocks going on.
Jesus Australian tv sucks the big one.
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 4:32pm.
It's cold and rainy here too. I thought we were getting a hurricane last night. It was insane!
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We're supposed to get snow.
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"... and her temper worse than wildfire it is gunpowder and blows up everything ..." Mary Shelley
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 4:34pm.
Submitted by Lisbet459 on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 4:13pm.
Found out later she was a raging alcoholic with a fucking beer gut. no bueno.
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LOL!
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 4:45pm.
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I'm trying to imagine the logistics of doing that unintentionally - you *are* sure it was unintentional?
Reminds me of the adorable fresh-outta-Princeton history teacher we had. He used to jiggle the chalk in his hand with a sort of fapping motion while he was standing in front of a room full of horny teenage girls.
It was totally unconscious and endearing. I promised I would tell him at graduation what sexual thing he was doing in class that made us giggle. But I never did.
Was that Joel Madden at the end? It's Monday and if I gotta suffer, so do you. My boy told me there was something else worse than Rebecca Black's Friday and I didn't believe him. 'Til I saw this...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__HeE6NWmDE
Submitted by tasty dish on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 4:25pm.
Submitted by snowpiece on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 4:13pm.
tasty! Fatties need to sit down too! LOL
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no! they need to burn a few standing. lol
oh, and snot-nosed kids. really, does a 5 yr old need to hog up my seat? use a pole, kid and let the grown ups sit.
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My pet peeve are the older people - almost always women - who DEMAND that a young person give up their seats for them.
As someone who spent her secondary school and college years cleaning houses and working in shops part time to make money, there is nothing more annoying than these people.
As I once told an irate, middle aged, red faced woman who demanded that I not only move my bag to let her sit down (fair enough, though she could have been more polite) but that I stand up so her shopping could travel in comfort, and was incandescent that I didn't acquiesce to the second part:
"It's my summer holidays, and I just spent the entire day cleaning houses. I will now go home, sleep for a bit, then work the evening shift at a shop. So yes, yes I *do* deserve to sit down more than you. Being born earlier does not excuse rudeness, and it's not exactly an achievement."
Now, I'm reciting from memory, and I was 16, so I probably wasn't quite as eloquent, but I still hate people like that.
This lady i know from my boys therapy place had a belly for a while, then the belly was gone, then the belly was back (skinny lady with a good 5 months pregnant belly). For years she had me questioning myself if she just constantly misscarried or what was going on. Come to find out, bitch was bloated. That most have been some hella bloat.
Well, aren't you just the cosmopolitan Queen Bee of Cuntsville? No, I'm sorry, of "Cuntropolis". Please excuse us in all of our inbred grandpa fucking glory. Karen Flatts, 09/21/11
Submitted by Lisbet459 on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 4:13pm.
My husband says that I broke the cardinal rule that all men learn at some point: unless she brings it up, or you see an actual baby coming out of her, *don't* assume she's pregnant.
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I learned this in 7th grade... I asked my Math teacher when she was due... Found out later she was a raging alcoholic with a fucking beer gut. no bueno.
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
It's cold and rainy here too. I thought we were getting a hurricane last night. It was insane!
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I'm jumpier than a virgin at a prison rodeo - Blanche Devereaux
UBF
Don't fall in love now, ya'hear?
I can be dangerous in an Excuse My Beauty kind of way!
Or at least I guess that's why so many men from the Internets click off within seconds of Skyping me. They can't handle the sexy.
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Dark-sided!
Submitted by IrishFury on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 4:18pm.
Submitted by BernardProfitendieu on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 4:04pm.
Open Post - yay!
where all the chubbies can share diet tips (that they'll never use) and complain about their lonely middle-aged lives
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I am middle aged and desperately need diet tips....
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*snaps pencil runs to retch*
*skypes IF*.
Well, aren't you just the cosmopolitan Queen Bee of Cuntsville? No, I'm sorry, of "Cuntropolis". Please excuse us in all of our inbred grandpa fucking glory. Karen Flatts, 09/21/11
Submitted by betseyfan2 on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 4:22pm.
Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 4:00pm.
AHHHHHH! I am going crazy trying to get shit done both at work and home before I leave Thursday!
And the weather here SUCKS.
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Does it look like a fucking Christmas card??...cuz it does HERE!
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No, grey and drizzly. Went from 90° on Saturday to 54° yesterday and today.
Submitted by snowpiece on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 4:13pm.
tasty! Fatties need to sit down too! LOL
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no! they need to burn a few standing. lol
oh, and snot-nosed kids. really, does a 5 yr old need to hog up my seat? use a pole, kid and let the grown ups sit.
Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 4:00pm.
AHHHHHH! I am going crazy trying to get shit done both at work and home before I leave Thursday!
And the weather here SUCKS.
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Does it look like a fucking Christmas card??...cuz it does HERE!
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"Physical violence is the least of my priorities." - Drunken Albertan
guest - JFC. Longest pregnancy EVER! Or maybe because she's the size of a resort she's looked farther along the whole time.
Do you remember laughter?
Submitted by BernardProfitendieu on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 4:04pm.
Open Post - yay!
where all the chubbies can share diet tips (that they'll never use) and complain about their lonely middle-aged lives
yawn
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...bahaha...amen gurrrrl!!!...OP t'aint what it used to be fer sure...
...where has all the wit and sparkle gone?...
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...'It's as if he's using the paint to represent something he's seen'...
Submitted by BernardProfitendieu on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 4:04pm.
Open Post - yay!
where all the chubbies can share diet tips (that they'll never use) and complain about their lonely middle-aged lives
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I am middle aged and desperately need diet tips, since I am considered morbidly obese. The stink of 3 day old sweat from me is vile and I haven't washed my lady business in over 6 weeks except for that time when I had The Dia-Ria so bad that I had to be hosed down by the fire department after the paramedics knocked down two walls of my trailer to get me out on a hoyer sling thing.
So what? That means I can't hang out on the D? You can't see my yeast infection and foul-smelling bed sore from here. Why do you care? Unless you want to Skype? I'm down with that if you do. You sound pretty well educated and broad minded. Just let my care aide get rid of the 9 pounds of body cheese first (but I have peaches, if you want a meal with it) and we can talk diet tips, stretch marks, cellulite, celebrities, fetish fat sex and Mid Western living.
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Dark-sided!
Submitted by IrishFury on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 4:01pm.
That's nothing.
When Whamo and I chat on the D, he falls off the chair without even realizing it, nods his head like Seal so badly he has whiplash and is in treatment for carpal tunnel syndrome four days a week
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That is true, my carpal tunnel is so bad I'm actually typing this out with a pencil that's attached to some headgear.
ME...she was as of this morning. :O
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Submitted by Lisbet459 on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 4:13pm.
My husband says that I broke the cardinal rule that all men learn at some point: unless she brings it up, or you see an actual baby coming out of her, *don't* assume she's pregnant.
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Otherwise every commentator in OP would be 9 months pregnant for AT LEAST 45 years.
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.