Rotten Peaches Geldof Is Somebody's Mother Now
A funny thing happened last week, useless trust fund trash Peaches Honeyblossom Geldof gave birth to an actual human being and the authorities didn't quickly sweep in to grab that poor child and give him to something that can raise him better than she can, like an actual peach fermenting on the dirt. So because that didn't happen, Peaches and her sexy hot fiancé Thomas Cohen are now raising a son who she'll eventually trade for a half-smoked Pall Mall when she needs a quick fag fix. Peaches made the announcement on Twitter yesterday and I'm sure she's already tattooed this announcement on her kid's inner thigh using old mascara and a heated needle:
Yes, its true- I'M A MUMMY!!!!My little boy is the most beautiful thing in this world. When he holds @tomfromscum's finger with his hand its the sweetest thing ever. X
Why couldn't Peaches mean that she turned into an actual mummy. That problem could be solved with a simple call to Brendan Fraser.
As for the name, Peaches rep (she has one of those) tells Metro UK that they have named their son Astala. Yeah, ASTALA. Personally, I sort of like the name Astala since it sounds like the name of the last boss in a Prince of Persia video game or like the name of a perfume for your butt cheeks by Alexis Carrington. I'm just mad that Astala's middle name isn't Vista.
All further jokes about Peaches' possible mothering skills aside, at least Astala Vista Baby has a father who knows how to pick a pair of pants that gives off the illusion of having a low hanging camel toe. That is a quality all father's should have.
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Really couldn't give a rat's ass about these two, but it looks like Peaches added some cream to produce that bouncin' babeh.
You know what's pissing me off today? The possibility that U.S. Airways (U.S. Scareways) will take over American Airlines. Yup...one super crap airline plus another super crap airline equals one super duper craptacular airline. I fly a lot, so the thought of higher fares and shittier service doesn't sit well with me. Bad enough that United Airlines (Untied) merged with Cuntinental, and now this?
Can't hate on her, her father is an egotistical asshole, her mother is dead, maybe she'll have a chance to grow up with her new family. Thomas appears to be a decent boy, so good luck to them.
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Auri sacra fames
I think the guy looks creepily close to her dad and he had that raggedly ass look down pat too.
If these two got any paler they'd be translucent! They both look like drug addicts forced to do a daylight score.
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Submitted by islandgirl on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 2:15pm.
they told him to feck off so he impregnated Peaches instead.
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LOL!!
Two assholes, one with money and seemingly selfish, who don't seem to bathe do NOT good parents make.
Peaches is a known fuck-up who most likely shouldn't be breeding.
When fucks like these can have kids, and everyday, good folks, gay and straight, can't, the universe is a fucking jerk.
That's a cute handbag Peaches has. Congratulations to them on their baby!
Submitted by annobanano on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 2:12pm.
Submitted by mike on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 2:03pm.
Well, at least Thomas is wearing items purchased in the mens department this time. Little steps, people.
Are you SURE? Where's the zipper? They look like ladies side-zip pants to me, lol.
Refer back to his last appearance on dlisted. Above is a definite improvement.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 2:27pm.
Paula Yates, now there was a winner.
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Exactly. It is sad to lose a Mother but in some cases (see: Frances Bean) the Mother isn't really a Mother.
Paula Yates, now there was a winner.
I actually wish her well. I don't much like the girl but she's been so excited over this and it's sort of touching, when you remember how Paula Yates died and that the Geldof sisters consequently didn't have a mother for much of their lives. Maybe I'm just getting sentimental.
Why do useless assholes have kids? Can't Dupont or Monsanto cook up a special "coke" that sterilizes fools like these?
The sun is not their friend.
Submitted by annobanano on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 2:12pm.
Submitted by mike on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 2:03pm.
Well, at least Thomas is wearing items purchased in the mens department this time. Little steps, people.
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Are you SURE? Where's the zipper? They look like ladies side-zip pants to me, lol.
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Yeah, those look like mom jeans to me.
He looks like a reject from one of those ye olde England period dramas. Like he just showed up on the set one day, they told him to feck off so he impregnated Peaches instead.
They need to send that kid home implanted with a permanent Narcan drip.
Submitted by mike on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 2:03pm.
Well, at least Thomas is wearing items purchased in the mens department this time. Little steps, people.
Are you SURE? Where's the zipper? They look like ladies side-zip pants to me, lol.
Hahaha, mike--- youse on fiyah!! :)
My little boy... nope not selfish at all. How about the word our you self entitled twat.
"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
This kid is better off with the Peaches from "Teaches of Peaches", than these two.
"All further jokes about Peaches' possible mothering skills aside, at least Astala Vista Baby has a father who knows how to pick a pair of pants that gives off the illusion of having a low hanging camel toe. That is a quality all father's should have." --MK--
Thanks for pointing his toe out MK; not really.
*shakes fist* "why you !"
Lisbet459 -- classy post. This girl has lost her mom at a young age -- can't be easy. Let's wish her the best, ok Michael?
Lisbet and Boston, sitting in a tree,
sharing the same Men-tal-i-ty.
God bless miserable married couples!!
Well, aren't you just the cosmopolitan Queen Bee of Cuntsville? No, I'm sorry, of "Cuntropolis". Please excuse us in all of our inbred grandpa fucking glory. Karen Flatts, 09/21/11
Submitted by Event Horizon on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 2:01pm.
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Yeah, that's puzzling me. I know it's not actually true, but it feels like her pregnancy is at least twice as long as Beyonce's was.
How did he make a baby? He is sporting a camel-toe in the pic. Are we sure there is a penis?
Well, aren't you just the cosmopolitan Queen Bee of Cuntsville? No, I'm sorry, of "Cuntropolis". Please excuse us in all of our inbred grandpa fucking glory. Karen Flatts, 09/21/11
Congratulations to Peaches and whatever-his-name-is. She annoys me more than I can say, but at least this child appears to be wanted, with two parents still together (? I think) who have the ability to financially care for children.
Well, at least Thomas is wearing items purchased in the mens department this time. Little steps, people.
Has Jessica Simpson had her baby yet? I remember something being said about a c-sec on the 20th but if shes still pregs this bitch takes the cake on the longest pregnancy ever! I remember back in March I thought she was waaaaay overdue, if she makes it to May, mother fucking damn!
b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b
"I'm doin hoe activities, with hoe tendencies. Hoes are my friends, hoes are my enemies."
A boy with a name Astala? Were they high when they were picking their baby's name?
I don't really mind the name Astala. I mind the parents. Looking at those two makes me itch.
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Douchechill!
Was a real name like Alistair or Aleister not available? WTF is an Astala? I cant believe i actually searched for a meaning of that name, just to find out there is NONE.
Well, aren't you just the cosmopolitan Queen Bee of Cuntsville? No, I'm sorry, of "Cuntropolis". Please excuse us in all of our inbred grandpa fucking glory. Karen Flatts, 09/21/11
May the same forces in the universe that made Frances Cobain turn out normal guide this child.....
"Astala" Vista, Baby!
They looks so unwashed. Jesbus, get some shampoo and some soap.
"My little boy is the most beautiful thing in this world. When he holds @tomfromscum's finger..."
Indeed.
What happened to names like Steve, or Mike, or something like that? Why do people feel the need to make stuff up?
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"Two whores don't make a right"-- M.K.
"Any guy who values stick thin and young over smarts and personality isn't worth it and has NOTHING interesting to say anyway."-- Mrs. Kravitz