Rotten Peaches Geldof Is Somebody's Mother Now
A funny thing happened last week, useless trust fund trash Peaches Honeyblossom Geldof gave birth to an actual human being and the authorities didn't quickly sweep in to grab that poor child and give him to something that can raise him better than she can, like an actual peach fermenting on the dirt. So because that didn't happen, Peaches and her sexy hot fiancé Thomas Cohen are now raising a son who she'll eventually trade for a half-smoked Pall Mall when she needs a quick fag fix. Peaches made the announcement on Twitter yesterday and I'm sure she's already tattooed this announcement on her kid's inner thigh using old mascara and a heated needle:
Yes, its true- I'M A MUMMY!!!!My little boy is the most beautiful thing in this world. When he holds @tomfromscum's finger with his hand its the sweetest thing ever. X
Why couldn't Peaches mean that she turned into an actual mummy. That problem could be solved with a simple call to Brendan Fraser.
As for the name, Peaches rep (she has one of those) tells Metro UK that they have named their son Astala. Yeah, ASTALA. Personally, I sort of like the name Astala since it sounds like the name of the last boss in a Prince of Persia video game or like the name of a perfume for your butt cheeks by Alexis Carrington. I'm just mad that Astala's middle name isn't Vista.
All further jokes about Peaches' possible mothering skills aside, at least Astala Vista Baby has a father who knows how to pick a pair of pants that gives off the illusion of having a low hanging camel toe. That is a quality all father's should have.
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This was a seahorse birth all the way. Dude even has a cameltoe.
http://burning-plastic.tumblr.com/
Submitted by little_rascal on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 4:25pm.
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Ahahaha!! *laughing like an escaped mental patient at 'hairy balls* Oh God, I'm an 11-year-old boy!!
DRAKE might be in trouble:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/22/drake-a-baby-daddy-report_n_144...
Submitted by islandgirl on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 3:52pm.
Submitted by Stan Derp on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 3:24pm.
I'm glad they didn't name the kid after a fruit.
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I dunno, Stan... don't you think Pomegranate Durian Lychee Mangosteen Kumquat Geldof-Cohen has a certain ring to it? :)
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How about Rambutan? And it looks like hairy balls!
http://www.google.com/url?source=imglanding&ct=img&q=http://www.fitnraw....
But perhaps not. Looking at Frances Bean, I have *some* hope.
Submitted by GrecoSuave on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 2:41pm.
You know what's pissing me off today? The possibility that U.S. Airways (U.S. Scareways) will take over American Airlines. Yup...one super crap airline plus another super crap airline equals one super duper craptacular airline. I fly a lot, so the thought of higher fares and shittier service doesn't sit well with me. Bad enough that United Airlines (Untied) merged with Cuntinental, and now this?
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And you still have to BUY your crap food if you want to eat
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That's not as bad as Southwest taking over Airtran. Airtran is rated as having the most satisfied flyers and Southwest has you stand on line like you're traveling steerage on the Titanic.
Kid is fucked.
The fact these two are parents makes me quake in my seat...*shudders* seriously though, good for them if it helps them grow up and be good parents. Still have hope for human kind, so wish them well. ;)
Astala???!??!!!? Fuck me...
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"Latin and Greek are not dead, they are immortal!"
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦♮♠░░░░
@SANS FARDS
Yeah, David Dixon (the TeeVee Ford Prefect) was a hot, impish piece in his day. I don't know why he didn't get more exposure.
The true crime to humanity is that waste of oxygen Peaches and the sperm donor roam the Earth, and Douglas Adams is dead.
The dolphins had the right idea, lets get the fuck out!
~So long, and thanks for all the fish!~
Why does that Thomas Cohen person dress like a lesbian science teacher from Omaha? And Peaches must have yanked his nuts off after she found out she was pregnant cuz the dude is sporting a camel toe
This is so not going to end well. I was living in London when Paula Yates OD. I was hoping and praying those kids would turn out okay despite having had that trainwreck for a mother. Fifi did. She actually works for a living and avoids the media. Peaches, however, is a proverbial mess. I've seen some wild children turn themselves around after they become parents and get their shit together, but most of 'em don't change. Peaches has never held a proper job, changes bfs like most people change their undies and has been caught shoplifting time and again. The last thing she need in her life was a baby.
Oh, and he's going to use his initials, not his full name. He'll call himself "A.J. Cohen" or something. Not Geldof, because by the time he's grown up, that name will mean nothing good.
Submitted by mike on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 3:56pm.
I suspect the name Sloe would prove appropriate.
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Nah. Someone would end up rhyming it with "Chloe."
Submitted by islandgirl on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 3:52pm.
Submitted by Stan Derp on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 3:24pm.
I'm glad they didn't name the kid after a fruit.
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I dunno, Stan... don't you think Pomegranate Durian Lychee Mangosteen Kumquat Geldof-Cohen has a certain ring to it? :)
I suspect the name Sloe would prove appropriate.
Submitted by Stan Derp on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 3:24pm.
I'm glad they didn't name the kid after a fruit.
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I dunno, Stan... don't you think Pomegranate Durian Lychee Mangosteen Kumquat Geldof-Cohen has a certain ring to it? :)
@Ford, love the username. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is one of my favorite books of all time!
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Winter is coming!
Little Prince Astala will be right at home with Aunts Fifi Trixibelle and Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily Hutchence Geldof... *facepalm*
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Winter is coming!
Astala sounds like a name of a new antibiotic or antipsychotic. I personally like Tractor for a name. Lol....
Even slime mold reproduces.
~*Lets go to my room pig!*~
What does Peaches Geldof actually do? besides walk around looking like Free People's worst nightmare? Astala sounds like a World of Warcraft character. yeah, good luck with that.
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Winter is coming!
Electra Complex
THE CARLTON DANCE:
http://screen.yahoo.com/the-carlton-dance-28985184.html
That guy looks just like her dad. Gross.
Isn't that the guy who wears skirts and carries a murse?
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
They're too young to be spawning, imo, but now that it's too late, I wish the baby a ton o' luck, health and happiness.
Peaches' imdb page quotes her as saying she hated being saddled with her weird name. How quickly they forget.
And she dated Eli Roth? I find this hard to believe for a couple of reasons. Didn't she get married at like age 16, just a couple of years ago? Also, I'm pretty sure Eli Roth and Zachary Quinto are the same person.
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Many pregnant celebs still...
http://www.eonline.com/photos/gallery.jsp?galleryUUID=1322#143275
The kid is going to be Alex P. Keaton incarnate when he grows up. A Republican, khaki and sweater vest-wearing straight arrow.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Submitted by LaChaylo on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 3:10pm.
Submitted by Sandbitch on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 2:58pm.
Looks like they raided Amy Winehouse's dirty laundry basket, yesterday.
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You're being kind, Sandbitch love. You forget those clothese have secretly worn by Dreamboat Doherty for added grunge flair.
---WTF is he wearing on his feet? And those linen zipper back pants... Every time he takes a piddle at the trough they must drop about his ankles (soaking up others piddle splash) ewww. Unless he is a sitter down. More likely.
Oops
I'm glad they didn't name the kid after a fruit.
Submitted by RichBitch on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 3:11pm.
But Jessica Simpson is STILL pregnant?!!!
Yep...another day,another box of Twinkies!
http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-moms/news/jessica-simpson-im-still-p...
I like the backdrop in this pic of a vacant lot dotted with weeds and garbage. Fitting.
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Bwaaaaah!
Whamo is right on the money: he looks like her dad back in the day. A lot alike! Here's a pic:
http://www.note4piano.com/zoomimage.php?zoomimage=AM92224
Daddy's handle is tomfromscum?
I predict a wonderful future of hipster douchiness for little Asterix.
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But Jessica Simpson is STILL pregnant?!!!
Submitted by Sandbitch on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 2:58pm.
Looks like they raided Amy Winehouse's dirty laundry basket, yesterday.
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You're being kind, Sandbitch love. You forget those clothese have secretly worn by Dreamboat Doherty for added grunge flair.
I honestly don't know who this trick is. An heiress who dated Eli Roth, then went Thetan? What elsethe has she done? Time to Wiki.
I am...doll parts...bad skin...doll heart.
she has the worst DERP face I think I've ever seen.
and yea, I'm sick of saying it, but there are TONS of uncommon names that are really names, you don't have to make shit up.
this kid might as well go to school with beat me up tatted on his forhead.
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Sir, you killed your date? What in the name of Phil Spector happened?
Now I fucking remember this couple. HAHAHAAHAAAHAAAAAHAAAAAAHAAAAA!
The dude shops at HuckFinnforHer.com....
We should start a college course on couple chemistry.
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Worrying is using your imagination
to create something you don’t want.
Looks like they raided Amy Winehouse's dirty laundry basket, yesterday.
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Sucky - Ultimate Grand Supreme Dlisted Celebrity
http://youtu.be/kYrxbOV_znM
G-d help that child.
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No, you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records
And then change your number
Guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
I hope she changes and is a good mother to that little innocent bebe though!
"Astala Vista"!!! ahahahaha good one, MK.
Peaches put me off Eli Roth forever, (he was so hot to me before her) so you can say what you like about her. :)
well thank god, now she can get back to her drug habit...
Yikes, post is harsh, even for MK. Oh well, weather sucks in these parts. It's a blah Sunday. I'll get over it.
Submitted by islandgirl on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 2:15pm.
He looks like a reject from one of those ye olde England period dramas. Like he just showed up on the set one day, they told him to feck off so he impregnated Peaches instead.
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Bahahaha!
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“he looks like some sort of sea serpent like an octopus, catfish or something from pirates of the caribbean and his stomach is gross it looks like hes prego with a giant wiener” – kittymuffin on The Situat
Submitted by GrecoSuave on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 2:41pm.
You know what's pissing me off today? The possibility that U.S. Airways (U.S. Scareways) will take over American Airlines. Yup...one super crap airline plus another super crap airline equals one super duper craptacular airline. I fly a lot, so the thought of higher fares and shittier service doesn't sit well with me. Bad enough that United Airlines (Untied) merged with Cuntinental, and now this?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
And you still have to BUY your crap food if you want to eat!
The airlines dare to call it "food"! I eat in the terminal before boarding, or else bring a sandwich or sushi aboard. What with shit service and TSA checks, flying is a virtual hell.
BTW, love your photo! It takes me back to high school history class and studying the period of Elizabeth I.
Wasn't she with Eli Roth a New York millisecond ago? I didn't know she was even in a new relationship.