Rotten Peaches Geldof Is Somebody’s Mother Now

April 22, 2012 / Posted by:

A funny thing happened last week, useless trust fund trash Peaches Honeyblossom Geldof gave birth to an actual human being and the authorities didn’t quickly sweep in to grab that poor child and give him to something that can raise him better than she can, like an actual peach fermenting on the dirt. So because that didn’t happen, Peaches and her sexy hot fiancé Thomas Cohen are now raising a son who she’ll eventually trade for a half-smoked Pall Mall when she needs a quick fag fix. Peaches made the announcement on Twitter yesterday and I’m sure she’s already tattooed this announcement on her kid’s inner thigh using old mascara and a heated needle:

Yes, its true- I’M A MUMMY!!!!

My little boy is the most beautiful thing in this world. When he holds @tomfromscum’s finger with his hand its the sweetest thing ever. X

Why couldn’t Peaches mean that she turned into an actual mummy. That problem could be solved with a simple call to Brendan Fraser.

As for the name, Peaches rep (she has one of those) tells Metro UK that they have named their son Astala. Yeah, ASTALA. Personally, I sort of like the name Astala since it sounds like the name of the last boss in a Prince of Persia video game or like the name of a perfume for your butt cheeks by Alexis Carrington. I’m just mad that Astala’s middle name isn’t Vista.

All further jokes about Peaches’ possible mothering skills aside, at least Astala Vista Baby has a father who knows how to pick a pair of pants that gives off the illusion of having a low hanging camel toe. That is a quality all father’s should have.

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