Rotten Peaches Geldof Is Somebody's Mother Now
A funny thing happened last week, useless trust fund trash Peaches Honeyblossom Geldof gave birth to an actual human being and the authorities didn't quickly sweep in to grab that poor child and give him to something that can raise him better than she can, like an actual peach fermenting on the dirt. So because that didn't happen, Peaches and her sexy hot fiancé Thomas Cohen are now raising a son who she'll eventually trade for a half-smoked Pall Mall when she needs a quick fag fix. Peaches made the announcement on Twitter yesterday and I'm sure she's already tattooed this announcement on her kid's inner thigh using old mascara and a heated needle:
Yes, its true- I'M A MUMMY!!!!My little boy is the most beautiful thing in this world. When he holds @tomfromscum's finger with his hand its the sweetest thing ever. X
Why couldn't Peaches mean that she turned into an actual mummy. That problem could be solved with a simple call to Brendan Fraser.
As for the name, Peaches rep (she has one of those) tells Metro UK that they have named their son Astala. Yeah, ASTALA. Personally, I sort of like the name Astala since it sounds like the name of the last boss in a Prince of Persia video game or like the name of a perfume for your butt cheeks by Alexis Carrington. I'm just mad that Astala's middle name isn't Vista.
All further jokes about Peaches' possible mothering skills aside, at least Astala Vista Baby has a father who knows how to pick a pair of pants that gives off the illusion of having a low hanging camel toe. That is a quality all father's should have.
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that picture is the definition of "hot mess"
www.hangryhippo.com: Where hunger, anger, media consumption, and satire meet for a snack
lmaoooo Astala Vista Baby, they look like they smell
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http://tinyurl.com/69rcrqy
that dude is wearing some sweet mom jeans there. looking at that couple- i'm sure that kid won't be all kinds of fucked up when it is a teenager.
their son will probably do his first stint at rehab by 8 years old.
Submitted by WithinReason... on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 11:14pm.
British K-fed basically secured his future of having to NEVER EVER EVER work again or join the employment line, when he didn't pull out of Peaches.
These two will be living off Sir Bob "Let's fly around the world in First Class and sing in a concert about starving children in Africa, but at the same time lets pretend my daughter isnt a selish coke whore useless trust fund cunt" Geldof's money.
The $18,000 first class ticket to fly Bob Geldof from A to B can probably feed an entire African family for 1 year and the amount of $$$$ Peaches has spent on coke, heroin, meth and all that shit can probably feed an entire African community for 10years.
Peach Pit might want to revise her baby naming story and use Sampsa Astala as the reason for the name. At least this dude is for real, and not some made up bullshit.
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sampsa_Astala#section_2
~So long, and thanks for all the fish!~
If they wanted a jewy first name, why bury Cohen in the last name?
Astala is a Finnish last name. Not many Jewish running around there.
This brood mare is as dense as a lead plate.
Ford---->Jew and a Fin (one half)
~So long, and thanks for all the fish!~
For shits and giggles, I ran this so called name passed my Lubavitcher friend, (ultra orthodox Jew), who lives in Jerusalem. He's never heard of it, and never heard it in secular circles. Works at a hospital and takes care of a lot of people.
It's like the morons that get a "cool" Chinese symbol tat, and they think it says courageous, but in reality the guy inked the symbol for douche.
~So long, and thanks for all the fish!~
His full name is even better: Astala Dylan Willow Cohen-Geldof. Asta is apparently a girl's name--a version of "Astrid."
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Please: It's "rahnday."
Submitted by quickkill on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 7:58pm.
I don't know much about Peaches Geldof, but she seems more tolerable than Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton.
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Be happy that you know little about her. Hell, I cannot stand Blohan, but at least she was initially famous for something legit (her acting). Peaches has been a fixture in the UK media since she was 16. I wish I didn't know about her and was so disappointed when she started getting press in the US.
BTW, "Astala" is probably as Hebrew as "Suri" is. Remember when Tommy Girl claimed that stupid name was Hebrew for "princess"? Well, it ISN'T. "Sarah" is. I totally believe that someone either was lying to Peaches and told her that or Peaches is just making shit up to sound smart. In either case, no one is buying it.
Loopy, in other words he's all set is he?! Must be a nice life, wonder where I can apply? Not with Peachy here, though! ugh to both ;P
Owlie, I agree, no crotch in sight but evidently she is distracted enough that she does not mind. He did something to knock her up, NO? So at least it works some of the time?! LMAO! ;D
#somean
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"Latin and Greek are not dead, they are immortal!"
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Yep Thomas Cohen is the British K-Fed.
now now you all might argue that he isn't because he doesn't look like Brit Brit's K-Fed, but remember this is England, things are different over there.
But he has all the traits of a K-Fed.
1. Knocked up a useless rich bitch
2. Doesn't have a job and unlikely to ever get one now that he has made a baby with a useless rich bitch
3. Looks like a tool
Thomas Cohen joins the likes of Bieber's dad, Canada's K-Fed, Benjamin millipied Ballet's K-Fed and of course, the one and only original K-Fed.
Where's this guy's crotch bulge? Or does he have a detachable penis?
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The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Nightowl!
Maybe she is just happy to be having this kid with Thomas. He is very hipster-y but seems into her even though she's been with the likes of Eli Roth :O Actually, I don't see why she'd not want to have a kid with him if they're a committed couple... but what do I know! ;]
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"Latin and Greek are not dead, they are immortal!"
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦♮♠░░░░
I don't understand why shit like this happens.
It's really not difficult to remain unpregnant. I've done it successfully for my entire sex life.
There's really no reason why a wealthy daddy's girl can't stick a NuvaRing in her puss every 3 weeks unless she's completely incapable of this kind of commitment, in which case I feel 10x worse for her kid.
Who was the sperm donor?
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Please: It's "rahnday."
bitch please. i just asked the jewiest jew i know about this name and he said in so many words this is bullshit.
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"Fatsa or thinsa you still a bitchsa. :p. *poses with arms up for all future picsas* lol" - guest
Submitted by Naughychimp on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 9:18pm.
How wonderful that Ally Sheedy managed to become a dad, at her age (and gender)!!!
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HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Ok - so she was pregnant for two minutes and Jessica Simpson is still baking her baby? She must be giving birth to an elephant because she's working with the gestation period of one.
Well aren't you just carrying around a big bag of nothing!
How wonderful that Ally Sheedy managed to become a dad, at her age (and gender)!!!
Submitted by Cowjam: "Before I even read this post I spent way too much time searching for any trace of a dick in those mom jeans."
This made me laugh for an unreasonably long time. Thank you for the laugh. I needed it badly.
And for the record, I tried finding his peenus, too.
Still cracking up.
How unfortunate.
@tomfromscum still sounds better than Eli Roth.
I don't know much about Peaches Geldof, but she seems more tolerable than Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton. The guy is better looking than Eli Roth. She is young. Why get knocked up ? Whatever.
For some reason, I can't find it in me to wish them anything but luck, health and happiness. So congratulations to the new parents.
Oh well, I'll say this about those two simple looking creatures. Both the mother and the father have child bearing hips.
Ten bucks says Sir Bob ends up raising this one too...just like he did with Paula and Michael Hutchence's kid, Tiger Lily.
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There's a difference between a cougar and a barn cat.
@cowjam
All of that could only have been made funnier if they had children named Blue or Scratchy.
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"Uh, hello, room service? I'd like some bacon, a couple of Cokes, and a bunch of whores." -Butthead, of Beavis and Butthead
That goofball wears his pants so high, I doubt he has much of a sperm count left. It's totally Eli Roth's spawn.
Frances Bean you're no longer alone. Somebody else will go through the same shit you did with your mother. Rejoice!
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"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.
"life is precious, you must not have watched The Lion King, you heartless fuck"
#astala4eva
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
OMG GURL CONGRADS BABY R BLESING FRUM GOD! U MOMMY NOW OMG SO KEWL AND LIKE SO CRAY CRAY OMG!!!!!!
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Submitted by Albatross on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 4:51pm.
Astala Vista - LMAO!
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Yup, just now got it... LMFAO! Yes, duh... HAHAHAHA ;)
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"Latin and Greek are not dead, they are immortal!"
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦♮♠░░░░
little rascal & KidL - I think someone pulled something over on her ass. She probably doesn't read books, but some "friend" of hers told her this shit. I wonder if their friends started a pool over whether they'd buy this story and go through with the name.
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Submitted by little_rascal on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 6:16pm.
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Now that's very strange, because I lived in Israel for many years and speak fluent Hebrew, and gave my two sons Hebrew names, and I've never met anyone named Astala in Israel.
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My best friend was born in Israel, speaks Hebrew and NEVER heard of this name either.
I also couldn't find it on any baby name websites. Frankly, I think she is pulling this out of her ass.
Harry Baals and Minnie Baals? *suppresses urge to change user name*
Submitted by Bunny Rabbit on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 5:38pm.
Submitted by little_rascal on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 2:00pm.
A boy with a name Astala? Were they high when they were picking their baby's name?
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From the Daily Mail: "She told the publication: 'We found Astala in a baby name book - quite an obscure one. This is going to be a very stylish baby.
'I wanted a Jewish name because my fiance is a Jew and the name is the male version of Esther.'"
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2133160/Peaches-Geldof-give...
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Now that's very strange, because I lived in Israel for many years and speak fluent Hebrew, and gave my two sons Hebrew names, and I've never met anyone named Astala in Israel.
I vote this one works out. She didn't whore her pregnancy out to the media, and she appears in the picture not to have hauled her pregnant self around in 6 inch stilettos. Sometimes the most messed up people find their true calling in parenthood. I hope that's the case here.
Those aren't mom jeans. They are a hand spun blend of alpaca, hemp, silk and organic cotton pair of retro chic 5,000$ a piece britches. Found in the most exclusive small shop that only has a back door with a secret password given only to the super in crowd...
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Worrying is using your imagination
to create something you don’t want.
Submitted by little_rascal on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 2:00pm.
A boy with a name Astala? Were they high when they were picking their baby's name?
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From the Daily Mail: "She told the publication: 'We found Astala in a baby name book - quite an obscure one. This is going to be a very stylish baby.
'I wanted a Jewish name because my fiance is a Jew and the name is the male version of Esther.'"
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2133160/Peaches-Geldof-give...
Oh Cod! I just Wiki-ed Harry Baals. His first wife's name was Minnie. MINNIE! *snorts violently and fall off chair*
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"Uh, hello, room service? I'd like some bacon, a couple of Cokes, and a bunch of whores." -Butthead, of Beavis and Butthead
Before I even read this post I spent way too much time searching for any trace of a dick in those mom jeans.
Hairy balls? I just had to dig up this gem. The story starts about halfway through the clip. *joins others snickering like 11-year-old boys*
http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/tue-february-15-2011/harry-baals-gover...
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"Uh, hello, room service? I'd like some bacon, a couple of Cokes, and a bunch of whores." -Butthead, of Beavis and Butthead
I like his shoulder bag. And his moccasins. Are those moccasins? I like his hair too. And her hair too, so the baby will probably have pretty hair. And that's a plus. Pretty hair.
Submitted by agirl on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 4:47pm.
You KNOW that guy is no good in bed. I mean, LOOK AT HIM. I'll bet he pumps for 30 seconds, grunts, then mutters, "uh sorry" and rolls over and falls asleep.
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew, haha so true!
will they bathe it and use clean needles? that's all i wanna know.
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"The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing."
~Edmund Burke
http://youtu.be/p0mHxtpoq2c
*peddles off in a mint '88 yugo*
Astala Vista - LMAO!
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"I prefer my pieces the same way I prefer my Slim Jims, long, lean and mute" --the incomparable MK
Submitted by oh dave on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 4:40pm.
Also, Bob Geldof had one hit a long time ago when he was just starting and probably had a shit contract, and then he was in The Wall. Other than that, he does charity concerts. So how is he so rich?
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Geldof had a production company in the UK. In the late 80s & early 90s, it produced the very successful "The Big Breakfast" which his then-wife Paula Yates hosted. He also got over $1 million for his bio and apparently, he invested his money very well. He never got into debt like a lot of these dudes or spent money he did not have.
"@tomfromscum" - charming! Their home must already smell like B.O. and cigarette smoke, and now it will smell like unchanged diaper too.
Courtney Love better sharpen her claws, 'cause a new contender for worst mother is now on the scene.
P.S. You KNOW that guy is no good in bed. I mean, LOOK AT HIM. I'll bet he pumps for 30 seconds, grunts, then mutters, "uh sorry" and rolls over and falls asleep.
That guy looks like such a tool. And yes, I'd like to think I understand fashion.
Also, Bob Geldof had one hit a long time ago when he was just starting and probably had a shit contract, and then he was in The Wall. Other than that, he does charity concerts. So how is he so rich?
http://burning-plastic.tumblr.com/