America isn’t about to let the UK show us up as the demure gypsy flower capital of the world and so the makers of the show where Kate Middleton gets all her style inspiration from, My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, are bringing us My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding, which will start airing on TLC a week from Sunday. By the looks of this clip from TMZ, we will all overdose on elegance while watching the first episode. This shit is so high brow that I really feel like Sir Laurence Olivier should be narrating it. I mean, you will want to put on your best before hitting play. You’re in the presence of refined company.
In the clip shot at a wedding in West Virginia last November, the precious jewel (No, she really is a precious jewel. Her name is Diamond.) wearing a couture dress from Hefty’s Botticelli collection is looking to get into it with Mellie, the graceful gazelle wearing an exquisite ensemble she bought with nothing but sticky ones. Diamond (more like a CZ, no, more like a ball of foil) is the maid of honor and doesn’t appreciate that Mellie, one of the groom’s relatives, is talking shit about the wedding. Mellie sashays out of the church and the two handle their differences the way all fine ladies handle their differences: they get into a nipple-baring, pussy-flashing sidewalk fight. Just when you think that the rubenesque blossom is about to slap Mellie into dust, there’s a surprising twist!
Alistair Cooke is up in heaven kicking himself for dying 8 years too soon, because presenting this clip on Masterpiece Theater would’ve been the highlight of his career.