Over a week ago, some trick accused mess of all messes Lindsay Lohan of getting violent with her at The Standard hotel’s Smoke & Mirrors club. LiLo shat out a river of denial and said the trick got the wrong crackie, because she was at home watching TV like the homebody she is. I believed LiLo at the time, because Amanda Bynes was at Smoke & Mirrors that night and since she’s the frontrunner to become America’s Next Top Trainwreck, I figured it was a case of mistaken skank identity. But now there’s this. LiLo went to Smoke & Mirrors last night and got into a verbal fight which ended with a girl throwing a drink at her. Oh, and Michael Lohan was there too.
TMZ says that before the club fight, LiLo called Michael Lohan to help her out after the car she was in hit another car in the hotel parking lot. LiLo says she wasn’t driving, but that piece of trash is known for switching seats after accidents, so who knows. Michael Lohan showed up and did what Michael Lohan does. He kicked vaginas, climbed trees and threatened to kill everybody. You know, typical Michael Lohan stuff. Once Michael handed that situation, he took LiLo inside Smoke & Mirror, because a so-called recovering alcoholic taking another so-called recovering alcoholic into a club is a good idea and Lohans are known for following up on all good ideas.
A source says that even though Michael and LiLo stayed until last call, they didn’t touch the sweet nectar. Just as they were starting to leave, a chick in a booth made fun of LiLo for being there with her dad. LiLo screamed “Shut the fuck up” at the chick and the chick responded by launching a cocktail at her. Surprisingly, Michael Lohan didn’t respond by kicking every vagina in the room. Michael grabbed LiLo and the two left.
LiLo is such a freckled disaster that even if she did stay home, she’d still get in a drunken fight with a plastic ficus tree for looking at her sideways and trying to steal her man: a floor lamp from Pier 1. But now that I think about, I bet LiLo staged the whole thing and let the cocktail thrower snort an extra line in the bathroom if she agreed to throw the drink. If LiLo didn’t get a drink thrown at her, she wouldn’t be able to say, “No, I don’t smell like my mom’s piss because all those jumbo iced chamomile teas I drank were really pure whiskey. I smell like that because an evil bitch threw an entire bottle of Jack at innocent me. Everybody’s out to get me! Are you going to drink that?”
Smart move, actually.
Okay, okay, just for today LiLo’s title gets slightly upgraded from “mega dumb bitch” to “semi dumb bitch.”
And here’s a few pictures of LiLo hanging out with her brother in her backyard over the weekend. The photo agency tells me they were taken at Coachella, but that’s impossible since LiLo never EVER leaves her house.