Open Post: Hosted By InTouch Weekly's Issue From The Future
You're not reading this from a raft while floating on a sea of Jessica Simpson's amniotic fluid after she flooded the earth during birth, so that means she's still pregnant. Well, InTouch Weekly's new editor must be Miss Cleo, because they have all the details of Jessica's future labor day including whether she had a C-section or punane birth (SPOILER ALERT: Neither. The 4-year-old tried to slip out the back hoping she can start a life for herself somewhere far away. Didn't happen.) and what the first words she said to her daughter were (SPOILER ALERT: She said, "Uh, are you going to eat the rest of that placenta?").
In other news... Suri, I know it's your birthday and you're busy unwrapping the amythest-encrusted live unicorn your daddy bought you, but please find the time to Western Union your sister some rent money.
• 
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Love it!
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 9:27am.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 9:02am.
Submitted by tonicbitch on Wed, 04/18/2012 - 10:12pm.
Evil, are you posting from a tablet or mobile device?
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I post from my work computer, laptop at home and sometimes from my mobile.
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see, what you all haven't fully grasped is that our sweet frosted pastry has no qualms of which device the she has to use to get her fix on this here site... let's just hope she isn't getting a running train on her by all of them at once... without sharing video of such actions... multiple posts are just fallout from her haveing such personal relations with her gadchets... don't judge, she's just a popular baked good to doodads that want double shots at the frosting... it's a common occurrence, the cupster should just give in to the multitude of electronic that she gets off enough that they need to post multiple satisfaction...
i can't blame them... mmmm... frosting, and i got feeling she throws the sprinkles around when she's feeling extra frisky!... heeheehee!
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
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What in the praying mantis crackhooker hell is this?! - MK 9/09
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 9:27am.
LOL! You are one of a kind ESE!
* throws sprinkles over entire thread*
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 9:02am.
Submitted by tonicbitch on Wed, 04/18/2012 - 10:12pm.
Evil, are you posting from a tablet or mobile device?
**********************************
I post from my work computer, laptop at home and sometimes from my mobile.
-----------------------------------
see, what you all haven't fully graspsed is that our sweet frosted pastry has no qualms of which device the she has to use to get her fix on this here site... let's just hope she isn't getting a running train on her by all of them at once... without sharing video of such actions... multiple posts are just fallout from her haveing such personal relations with her gadchets... don't judge, she's just a popular baked good to doodads that want double shots at the frosting... it's a common occurance, the cupster should just give in to the multitude of electronic that she gets off enough that they need to post multiple satisfaction...
i can't blame them... mmmm... frosting, and i got feeling she throws the sprinkles around when she's feeling extra frisky!... heeheehee!
-----------------------------
"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
Submitted by tonicbitch on Wed, 04/18/2012 - 10:12pm.
Evil, are you posting from a tablet or mobile device?
**********************************
I post from my work computer, laptop at home and sometimes from my mobile.
Submitted by Flynn on Wed, 04/18/2012 - 6:17pm.
thanks momma Jack, Hekki and Lisbit. I don't remember this being so noticeable after my first but then again all pregnancies are different.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I gave birth this January to my fourth child, and I have just noticed that I am losing hair. And not on the head, so to speak..
Never did this in my other pregnancies.
4 M.K.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJj0e3thbkU
4 M.K.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXewIR7Y7cc
4 M.K.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPkTGm4RtVM
Evil, are you posting from a tablet or mobile device? The only time I've ever had the double-posting issue was from my mobile devices. I have no idea why but I'm guessing it has to do with the connection and the page re-submitting data as it's struggling over my slow-ass 3G.
I read somewhere that she scheduled a C-Section for April 20th. Stay tuned . . .
LOL BigBendy, on how Suri fills her day! You just know she's a bossy little thing who DOES THINGS! hahaha Her siblings seem far better off somehow...
For a second there, I though Jess had finally delivered the baby! Guess the mags got tired of waiting forevah, so they're going ahead anyway!
@MooseMamma, thanks for the reminder *checking amazon now* ;P
•-•-•-•-•-•
"Latin and Greek are not dead, they are immortal!"
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦♮♠░░░░
I am slightly afraid to read everybody's comments under today's "Caption This" photo.
That happens to me too. I was especially afraid
of the tongues one the other day.
Ditto on that one as well.
Question to the moms....
I had my baby 4 months ago and all is good but now my hair is coming out like I am doing chemo. Is this somewhat normal?
__________
Hey there!
Its called telogen effluvium - it happens after a stressful event such as childbirth or an infection with high temperature, some meds cause it too.
Jessica is a Republican. Remember that means that she hates anyone who is not a member of the 1%. She condones the hate of gays. She must have loved Bush. She will most likley vote for that lying sack of unAmerican shit Mitt Romney.
Hate her. Hate In Touch Weekly. Lard ass and Lie ass.
Hollywood's scheduled c-sections = not wanting to transmit an STD to the baby via a warty, diseased birth canal.
I don't think she can get much bigger... hasn't that babeh hatched yet?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Fuckery is what fuckery does.
"How Brad proposed!" haha I can't wait for that. I wonder if the reporters were waiting in the bushes when it happened or did Angelina call them right after or what? Maybe Jessica Simpson called them and said she needed a ride to the hospital to have the baby, and while she was giving birth, Brad proposed to Angelina in the hospital waiting room. No one could hear what she said because just at that moment the baby cried. Check next week's issue for Angie's answer.
Saw the inset on the cover with that damn our-fat-asses-are-melting-in-the-rain-let's-run-our-fat-asses-away-from-the-rain! goofy pic and I just lost my shit at "push present". They just claimed the dumb bitch had a caesarean. Was she pushing a basketball and two quarts of Haagen Dazs out for another toy ring?? Which story is it, ffs, with these two?! Dumbasses.
____
"Discussions about what is good, beautiful, noble, pure, true, could always go on. Why is that important? Because that is the only conversation worth having." C.Hitchens,1949-2011. (RIP Winehouse & Houston, 2011) *caprica six was/is here*
@Moose: Good luck to you! I know how it is to be hard up. I have a man currently, and have had him for seven years, but sometimes that doesnt always mean sex. You know how it is!
Have fun. OH - and please let me know if you liked "50 Shades of Grey". I am currently on a Haruki Murakami kick right now, but may switch if it is good.
@MooseMama, Assbender's peen will not disappoint (in Shame). I don't know how I felt about the movie--it was pretty disturbing--but Fassy does one helluva acting job. He was robbed of an Oscar nod, IMO. Enjoy!
_______________________________________________
Winter is coming!
Call me crazy, but I don't understand how or why this magazine is out?? I mean, she hasn't given birth yet, right? I'm so confused and stoopid feeling.
*
I cant post this on facebook since my family wouldnt understand why I'm so excited, My Blu-ray of Shame is on it's way, Amazon shipped it yesterday, I cant wait to see Michael Fassbender and his little (big?) Michael, I'm probably going to order than porno book 50 Shades of Grey too since I'm so hard up right now, its been 7 months that i've been forced into being celibate dammit
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wish I had multiple Alts, that way I won't be so lonely when I'm talking to myself
My GodN Jack! That "push present" six weeks later is hysterical!
Submitted by mike on Wed, 04/18/2012 - 6:56pm.
*********
How do you get banned from Gawker?
Submitted by beakers bitch on Wed, 04/18/2012 - 7:14pm.
Skeletina must love getting shoved up in the corner over Chestica's imaginary childbirth.
______________________________________________
Seriously, who even cares about those two at this point. Wake me up when they get divorced.
_______________________________________________
Winter is coming!
Skeletina must love getting shoved up in the corner over Chestica's imaginary childbirth.
WTF with the "agony" of choosing a C-section over a natural birth? Fucking really.....dramatic much? Millions of women have c-sections and *gasp* live to tell the tale.
_______________________________________________
Winter is coming!
Flynn, if it doesn't return to normal in a reasonable time, you may want to have your thyroid hormone levels checked. Hypothyroidism,(especially before, and after pregnancy) is very common in women and one of the symptoms is hair loss.
Submitted by Event Horizon on Wed, 04/18/2012 - 5:54pm.
Yeah, it is pricey. I just stay with friends/relatives so I am really not too up on hotels.
I love San Diego/Ja Jolla. Always have a good time when I have visited.
Submitted by TrashyWilma on Wed, 04/18/2012 - 6:34pm.
Does anybody else post on Gawker?
I was banned. So was Momus, I believe.
I'm re-typing a contract and I read the draft as "Actions of Sluts".... when in reality it reads "Actions and Suits". Verdict: I spend waaaay too much time on this site. :D
*edit* I suppose that could have also been "Ashton's a Slut", and it still would have been true.
Does anybody else post on Gawker?
This "Comments Are Disabled" thing is bullshit!
Submitted by mefunigirl on Wed, 04/18/2012 - 5:45pm.
Croce's is a really good place to eat!
_______________________________________
Second that, and it also has a nice bar.
*______________________________________*
Penguin...Batman was so wrong about you.
Submitted by Sweetas on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 4:11pm.
thanks momma Jack, Hekki and Lisbit. I don't remember this being so noticeable after my first but then again all pregnancies are different.
This meeting of the mom's club is now dismissed. We will now return to the regular snarking of celebrities, after these messages.
ETA thanks momma M.E and Stilla
Flynn - after I had little P my hair was falling out in clumps and I got bald spots. SHUDDAP JACK!
I used that hair growing shampoo treatment after I stopped breastfeeding and once my hormones got back to normal it stopped falling out.
Submitted by Hekki on Wed, 04/18/2012 - 5:58pm.
Flynn: The annoying thing about losing that hair is that when it grows back you have funnny little hairs spiking up through the long hair thats long enough to lay flat. Depending on your hair and how long it is...
I also have little hairs that never seem to grow beyond two or three inches, above my temples. They are my only gray hairs and they're wild and and when my hair is in a ponytail they stand up and it looks like little devil horns. They only calm down when I blow out my hair with lots of product. And then the next day they are back to looking like wild little horns.
Fucking pregnancy fucks up everything.
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I was going to say the same thing about the hair above my temples. It's very wispy too. I was wondering if they will ever go away, but it's been 2 and half years so I don't think it will happen any time soon.
The other thing I was going to say is that while it is totally normal. If it continues for a long time or has other symptoms, check with your dr. I ended up developing a thyroid problem that went undiagnosed for a while. I guess that is common after pregnancy too.
Submitted by Hekki on Wed, 04/18/2012 - 5:54pm.
It seems like it would be really hard to fire someone, but it happens all the time. What gives?
======================
If you find out, will you let me, and the entire office, know? I'm trying to avoid the gossip in case she tries to target me again. (I think I'd win that one, but I don't want to start anything.)
Submitted by beakers bitch on Wed, 04/18/2012 - 5:34pm.
=======================
I can't stand people who do that to children and teenagers.
The mother makes me more angry, actually. It may be unfair of me, but pervertz gonna perv. You catch 'em. You punish 'em.
But the mothers need to protect their children. I'm normally a reasonable person, but if you are so eager to keep a man that you let him hurt your child, then I want you jailed. And sterilised. (Yes, I KNOW it's unreasonable. Sosumi.)
I don't think the mother in that case was STOOPIT. I think she was evil.
I once read an article in the London Times, about a woman who discovered that her husband had been abusing their 11 y/o daughter. The man was jailed. Fine.
She then took him back and had him living with the family. There was a picture of the family with the mother smiling proudly with her husband and her nervous looking daughter. There was a little sub-story where he tried to explain why he was an abuser - it was essentially that it wasn't his faaawwwwllllttt.
I, and basically all the commenters, was incandescent. If a man is more important than the safety of children, then don't have kids.
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 04/18/2012 - 5:41pm.
Beakers - Um...it is NOT normal for a father (or stepfather) to hide a video camera in a girls room to try and see her naked.
Oh, I know, I just don't see how that dumbass, stupid mother could defend it and try to say it WASN'T sexual? Woman needs her parent license revoked.
Flynn: The annoying thing about losing that hair is that when it grows back you have funnny little hairs spiking up through the long hair thats long enough to lay flat. Depending on your hair and how long it is...
I also have little hairs that never seem to grow beyond two or three inches, above my temples. They are my only gray hairs and they're wild and and when my hair is in a ponytail they stand up and it looks like little devil horns. They only calm down when I blow out my hair with lots of product. And then the next day they are back to looking like wild little horns.
Fucking pregnancy fucks up everything.
@cuppy
I was looking at hard rock but its too expensive for me and i want a hotel near 5th st so its also too far away but thanks for the sound advice.
And Megungirl
Thanks for the restaurant reco and the link, that should be really helpful...
b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b
"I'm doin hoe activities, with hoe tendencies. Hoes are my friends, hoes are my enemies."
Lisbet: They're gathering ammo on your office bitch. As soon as she makes one mistake, she's outta there.
It's nice that everyone stuck up for you. She probably insulted everyone. And I love that people are documenting her shit.
I don't understand why there are people like her who get to stay employed and then other people who get fired. It seems like it would be really hard to fire someone, but it happens all the time. What gives?