RiRi (aka the EDGEST and HARDEST bitch in the EDGY and HARD game) posted a bunch of pictures from Coachella on her Instragram and she included this one of her dealing with a mysterious substance on her paid slut carrier’s bald head. The Mirror tried to get to the bottom of this by zooming up close to see exactly what kind of situation is happening on dude’s head. These are the possibilities:
1. Spoiled coke bought from a Lohan.
2. Hacked up curdled cum (it happens).
3. Feta cheese, because there’s always time for feta cheese.
4. Dandruff. Dude is such a man that even his dandruff is full of testosterone.
5. Weed hit by a camera flash.
RiRi is rolling a blunt, so obviously it’s weed whitewashed by the flash, but that shouldn’t be the story here. The real story is that RiRi is using the head of her bodyguard (or whoever he is) as a human coffee table. Dude already has to carry this ho around like he’s her paid human lifeguard chair and then he has to deal with her scratching his head with her plastic red roach nails while rolling a blunt? I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t even let my own abuelita roll a blunt on my head. Okay, yes I would, but only because I really believe letting your grandma roll a blunt on your head is something you should experience in life.
This dude is a majorly devoted employee. If that was me, I would’ve scooped the weed from my head and screamed “WATCH FOR FALLING HOS” before leaning back. Then I’d roll my own blunt while walking to the unemployment office.