Do We Really Expect GOOPY To Walk Amongst The Peons?

April 18, 2012 / Posted by:

Point A on the Google map above is the Stella McCartney store in West Hollywood and if you drag your eyes all the way across the street, stop to drop some water in them, drag them more, stop to wipe off the peon breath with a Chanel baby wipe and keep going, you’ll eventually land on point B, Madeo’s in West Hollywood. I know, can you believe they’re in the same city?!!!!!. (Your eyeballs might need to catch a few breaths after going on that long journey, so take all the time you need before moving on.) If we can barely make that Lawrence of Arabia-like trek with our eyes, how can anyone expect cuntress of her own universe, Fishsticks Paltrow, to make that same journey in real life and on foot?! We shouldn’t and that’s why I do not appreciate this story from Page Six.

After the party for Paul McCartney’s new video, a bunch of guests including Miranda Kerr, Jane Fonda, Orlando Bloom and Amy Smart walked 0.06 miles to have dinner together at Madeo’s. As those suckers walked on the dirty sidewalk, Fishy and her asshole husband Chris Martin were chauffeured there in a Lincoln Town Car. Apparently, the car ride took all of 10 seconds.

Page Six thinks this is funny, because Fishy tries to be some kind of environmentalist and has done green public service announcements in the past. To which I say, um, Fishy does care about the environment. She protected the environment in the bubble that surrounds her and that’s honestly the only environment we should care about.

Do you know what could’ve happened if Fishy went on the 3 minute-long walk all the way to Madeo’s? She could’ve walked by a poor eating McDonald’s. What if the poor coughed and she accidentally inhaled its McDonald’s-infused breath? She would’ve had to go on a cleanse for at least 389 days to get the toxic-ness out of her pure system? Sure, her slaves could’ve carried her on a Versace throne, but what if a non-organic leaf from a non-organic tree brushed her face? Think of all the crushed diamond facials she would have to go through to get her face skin back to its pristine state? And Fishy can’t set foot on a public sidewalk unless it’s been power washed with Voss.

So really, Fishy did do her part for our (not her) environment. Think of all the diamonds and glass Voss bottles that were spared from her taking that ride in a Town Car. Speaking of, she took a TOWN CAR! Do they even make those in Europe? I swear, what more do you monsters want from this woman?

Bitches are just jealous because her carbon footprint was made with a Louboutin. Stay hating, poor whores. Stay. Hating.

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