When The Headline Is EVERYTHING

April 17, 2012 / Posted by:

Sometimes the headline is so perfect that I don’t need to read the entire story behind it. I don’t need to know why Newt was near a penguin. (Maybe he IS The Penguin?) I don’t need to know why that penguin got cunty with Newt. (Maybe it’s a Romney-lover and was trying to push him out of the election exit door? Or maybe Newt tried to slip that sessy penguin his Skype number and it’s taken by another penguin?) I don’t need to know the answers to any of those questions, because it will cheapen that headline. That headline just needs to sit there, look pretty and be that headline.

I probably love People’s picture choice as much as I love their headline. Contrary to popular belief, I don’t stare at hi-res pictures of Newt’s face all day, so I never noticed that when he purses his lips like a bitchy queen reading a ho, a tiny skin donut (aka a puckery no-no) forms on his face taint. No wonder glambot Callista Gingrich sticks with his ass.

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