Jennifer Aniston Doesn't Give A Shit About This After All
Hollywood Life, your source for all Barfgelina/Analstain fan fiction, said last week that Jennifer Aniston had nothing but smiles for the news that her ex-husband is now engaged to whore pit viper (© Joan Rivers) Angie Jolie and she would even RSVP a yes if she got an invite for the wedding. Well, now E! News is hearing from a source close to Jennifer that the Brangie engagement news has made her constipated and she has zero shits to give it. Jennifer cares more about planning the quinceanera of her eldest Cabbage Patch doll than she does about Brangie's stupid ass wedding. The source explained it like this:
"She doesn't care. She really doesn't. She's happy with Justin [Theroux]. She'll probably marry him. She's moved on. People don't want to believe it, but she has."
Now, this I believe. If Jennifer really wanted to experience a Brangelina wedding, she'd just make her own at home. Jen would make Justin Theroux wear a soft Brad Pitt mask she knitted with Brad's shed pubes. Then she'd put rubber lips on one of the garden lizards her dog caught, and call it Angie. Then as one her Precious Moments priest figurines presides over the ceremony, she'd bust in as Jennifer Aniston. Justin as Brad would drop garden lizard Angie, run to Jen and they'd re-consummate their true love in a bathtub full of ice cream soup. So yeah, Jen is over it (and yes, she's totally going to act out that scene on Brangie's real wedding day).
And about Angie's ring, which she wore while slithering around L.A. yesterday. People says it's 10 carats and cost around $1 million, but UsWeekly says it's 16 carats and cost around $500,000. Brad worked with jeweler Robert Procop for about a year on the ring and the diamond is supposedly conflict-free. The ring may be conflict-free, but it's not boring-free. Brad is a "design GENIUS" (- Brad Pitt) and RoboCop spent months looking for the perfect diamond, and this is the best they could come up with? RoboCop wasted his time. He could've just called QVC, because they have a ring just like that.
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Forgot to add, Angie looks almost Filipino in thumbnail 6. Before you say "WTF?", lots of Filipinos dye their and put on colored contacts so they almost look white. And in contrast, white women sometimes get so much plastic surgery that they almost look Filipino. Case in point: I used to think Mary Murphy, the crazy ho from "So you think you can dance" was partly Filipino, but no she's completely Irish!
Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 1:42pm.
LMAO! Can you do voice-over work? Because I can totally see your idea being a documentary.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
I don't understand why some people get into such a lather over three mediocre actors who have gone to seed.
Submitted by salacious on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 1:53pm.
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 1:32pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 1:16pm.
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 12:57pm.
Sal, I love Whamo but he's a trifling foolio. Let's do it!
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What!!! let's not get CRAZY now Doggie.
You tryin to mow my lawn there Sal?
^^^^^
Oh my Gawd, that made me LOL!
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Irish Fury isn't here to comment, but I bet Whamo's already talked her into it some crazy ass polygamist crap.
Besides, who loves your pastries more than I do? I can smell them from 5000 miles away.
^^
You do realize you just opened up a door that IF will drive a truck through, yeah?
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 1:31pm.
Deb, since he won the Caption This yesterday, Bernard will now take every opportunity to insert his caption into a post that has to do with Brangie or Aniston.
*rolls eyes*
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Think it'll end up in a spreadsheet somewhere?
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"... and her temper worse than wildfire it is gunpowder and blows up everything ..." Mary Shelley
This dull massive turd of a diamond reminds me of a Fiona Apple song: "I don't understand about/Diamonds and why men buy them/What's so impressive about a diamond/Except the mining..."
poor, pathetic little lumberjack-jawed creature.
and poor Theroux, tied up with duct tape in the basement, whimpering everytime he hears her instruct one of her phone bank lackeys to insist she's "probably" going to marry him.
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YOU DID THIS, MK !!!! This morons head is now the size of the Good Year blimp!
Only someone that Aniston scorned could act as resentful and bitter as Bernard. Are we sure this isnt John Mayer or Tate Donovan?
Submitted by Fujicat on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 1:35pm.
That said, the ring might be quite another story in person. It does look awful in photographs. One of those NY jewelers on eBay should photograph it for us with a video of it on a turntable so we can examine it more closely! lol
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I have satellite, so we get a ton of crappy stupid channels. There are several channels that sell gems/jewelry and, to be honest, I kind of LOVE watching all that giant, tacky jewelry gleaming on those rotating, mirrored tables.
As it's already been said, what's the point in an engagement after so long? Very anticlimactic. What they SHOULD do/have done is go to some exotic locale and have some dramatic/crazy elopement wedding so that they'd get the wedding coverage but have a certificate that's not actually valid in America.
And, yeah, that ring is fug. If Brad had really thought this out so well maybe he would have taken into consideration how that giant ring would look on her malnourished bone fingers. In general, I really hate it when women have engagement/wedding rings that don't fit properly and just kind of slide around on their fingers.
lol@Whamo
Actually emerald cuts are usually rectangular, although Angie's is elongated and almost like a baguette (accent stone) like Fujicat pointed out. "Emerald cut" refers to the way the facets are cut so they look like stair steps through the table. http://www.a1-diamond.com/Further-fancy-cuts-of-diamond.html
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 1:32pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 1:16pm.
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 12:57pm.
Sal, I love Whamo but he's a trifling foolio. Let's do it!
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What!!! let's not get CRAZY now Doggie.
You tryin to mow my lawn there Sal?
^^^^^
Oh my Gawd, that made me LOL!
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Irish Fury isn't here to comment, but I bet Whamo's already talked her into it some crazy ass polygamist crap.
Besides, who loves your pastries more than I do? I can smell them from 5000 miles away.
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"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.
"life is precious, you must not have watched The Lion King, you heartless fuck"
Submitted by BernardProfitendieu on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 1:47pm.
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The fact that you want her (Jen) to be miserable about it speaks leagues about you.
Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 1:42pm.
Emerald cut diamonds are rectangular.
^^^^
Unless they're square. Emerald cut has nothing to do with shape. It's the symmetry.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
*******NEWSFLASH*******
Aniston is STILL moved on.
(her 2:00 pm unsolicited press release on the subject says so)
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Aniston is artistically, intellectually and reproductively barren.
Paltrow is every argument against nepotism rolled into one.
Cant believe I missed this thread. No time to read through 174 comments , so I'll just say what I'm sure has aleady been said:
The ring is UGLY. The stone looks like glass and the setting it's in is bulky and boring. Jen's was alot more detailed and shiny:) How they're trying to say he spent a year designing this piece of shit is beyond me. We all know he did this b/c the kids were hounding the shit out of him. If he loved her so much and wanted to make this commitment soooo badly -- he would've done it atleast 3 kids ago.
Engagement for a couple who probaby already suffered the 7 year itch and has 6 kids. This is enough for many to want to divorce. Why not just MARRY her already and forget this engagement hoopla. Put a wedding band on it for fuck sake.
Emerald cut diamonds are rectangular more often than squared because it enhances the clairity of the cut.
Most square cut diamonds are princess cuts.
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 1:32pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 1:16pm.
^^^^^
Oh my Gawd, that made me LOL!
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:)
I liked Aniston's ring. I thought it was unique looking. Jolie's is just plain.
Submitted by Deb on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 1:28pm.
Submitted by BernardProfitendieu on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 1:14pm.
We finally know what "moved on" looks like:
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Listen, Bernardetc, YOU are the one (trick pony) who needs to MOVE THE FUCK ON
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LOL Deb,
Ah the call of the LOON, on any given day you can hear it's echos in cyber space crying out in pain as it thrashes in it's desperate repetitive struggle to scrub the image of a moved on and happy Jennifer Aniston from it's brain.
It struggles in it's knowledge that it's once pretty idol has fallen into the ashes of drug addiction and weight loss.
Kakaaaaw Kakaaaaaw Kakaaaaaaw!!
Fujicat, I thought so too, but my theory is the diamond is rectangular as opposed to square because her claws are so long and bony. A square cut would make them look bonier but the rectangular cut minimizes it a bit.
JM2C.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 12:06pm.
Submitted by catfight357 on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 11:44am.
No, but my mom has a friend from your neck of the woods who dresses like Jolie.
Beautiful place you are in! I was there YEARS ago, but found it to be gorgeous!
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aw sads. I got all excited.
It is lovely in Newport and today is AMAZING, weather wise. Stellar day. Seriously like a 10.
And yes - all the women in Newport do look like HermesBagOBones Jolie. Even the tricks from the wrong side of the tracks look like that. This po mama got the Newport makeover...
http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2012/03/81-year-old-woman-wins-336...
Angie needs to start eating and laying off the heroin
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"Money is the magic wand that turns a frog into a prince" - ChubbyWubby
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THANKS EVIL CUPCAKES!
E.C. the numbers on Ang's arm are the latitude and longitude of the birthplaces of her children. This includes Brad's.
Okay, I know too much about this woman. (hangs head in shame)
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Fair is foul and foul is fair..
Evil_Cupcake: You're comments about dumbass Brangelina made my day - thanks!!
Evil_Cupcake: You're comments about dumbass Brangelina made my day - thanks!!
That style of ring is called "Hall of Mirrors," which is an emerald cut center stone flanked by other emerald cut stones. When done right, it's stunningly beautiful.
My problem with this ring is the cut of the center stone. It's too long and narrow and looks like a giant baguette. It looks disproportionate for the optimal cut of an emerald cut diamond. I wonder what GIA would say?
That said, the ring might be quite another story in person. It does look awful in photographs. One of those NY jewelers on eBay should photograph it for us with a video of it on a turntable so we can examine it more closely! lol
And yes, Brad Pitt has terrible "taste." Taste is something you're born with. He was not.
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Fair is foul and foul is fair..
@Deb:
Have I told you lately that I love you?
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 1:16pm.
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 12:57pm.
Sal, I love Whamo but he's a trifling foolio. Let's do it!
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What!!! let's not get CRAZY now Doggie.
You tryin to mow my lawn there Sal?
^^^^^
Oh my Gawd, that made me LOL!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Deb, since he won the Caption This yesterday, Bernard will now take every opportunity to insert his caption into a post that has to do with Brangie or Aniston.
*rolls eyes*
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My Momma told me, "Be careful who you do, 'cause karma comes back around"
Same ol' song, na
But I was so sure that it wouldn't happen to me
'Cause I know how to put it down
But I was so wrong
Submitted by BernardProfitendieu on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 1:14pm.
We finally know what "moved on" looks like:
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Listen, Bernardetc, YOU are the one (trick pony) who needs to MOVE THE FUCK ON.
Jesus! We all snark and have faves and celebs we can't stand, but you are in psycho/stalker territory.
And you are not even funny! You are much, much sadder than the object of your hatred.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Hmmmm, speaking of pathetic!
*glances a few posts down*
i wish I had JT bound up in my cellar. That is one sexy man and a little bondage can be fun.
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 12:57pm.
Sal, I love Whamo but he's a trifling foolio. Let's do it!
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What!!! let's not get CRAZY now Doggie.
You tryin to mow my lawn there Sal?
Just zoomed in on the ring (pic on Naughtychimp's link) and it looks like a strand of Ang's hair is caught on it. Uh-oh...bad design.
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"Physical violence is the least of my priorities." - Drunken Albertan
We finally know what "moved on" looks like:
turning your 2,000 square ft. living room into a communications command center with phone banks so all your moved-on "sources" (i.e. your publicist's live-in staff) can speed dial every publication on Earth 24 hours a day to remind them how happy, Happy, HAPPY you are to have moved on!
poor, pathetic little lumberjack-jawed creature.
and poor Theroux, tied up with duct tape in the basement, whimpering everytime he hears her instruct one of her phone bank lackeys to insist she's "probably" going to marry him.
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Aniston is artistically, intellectually and reproductively barren.
Paltrow is every argument against nepotism rolled into one.
Submitted by dorian_graye on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 1:04pm.
I'm guessing by the tattoo on Angie's arm that those numbers are the location of stars she had named after her children? Can anyone answer this question?
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They are the geographical coordinates of where each of her children, and Brad were born.
Makes me think Jennifer is knocked up and angie can't handle it LOL
Brad's "designs" are all so fug. JA's ring was ugly, too, but it didn't look like it came out of a Claire's.
I'm guessing by the tattoo on Angie's arm that those numbers are the location of stars she had named after her children? Can anyone answer this question?
I'm tired of diamond engagement rings; I'm ready for coloured stones to make their reappearance.
And, this made me nod and grin:
http://www.styleswept.ca/2012/04/am-i-the-only-one-who-thinks-angelinas-...
Sal, I love Whamo but he's a trifling foolio. Let's do it!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
After living together 7 years and having 6 kids - you don't get engaged - you just get married - quietly. As for the ring, how about designing a ring that designates the 7 years and 6 kids.
It's possible she gives less of a shit than the rest of us. How much is People going to pay for the EXCLUSIVE engagement photos, not-so-tactfully staged in the Namibian desert or in Sudanese refugee camps?
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Winter is coming!
I don't believe for a second they'll get married. We'll be seeing magazine covers predicting their wedding date for the next 25 years.
And how anti-climactic is it to get engaged after seven years and six kids together? It's probably just me, but I'd be like, "Why bother?"
That ring is gawdy and ugly.
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"Drink your juice, Shelby" M'Lynn Steel Magnolias
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 12:22pm.
I love how people are so worked up about the engagement. Nowhere - in not one place - has anyone seen these two say they're getting married. So they got engaged, so what. They haven't said they're getting married. A small distinction but an important one because, IMO, they won't ever actually go through with it. HE may believe they will, but I think she has no intention of marrying him.
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Doggy does that mean we can get engaged? Or as an option, you can get engaged to Whamo. Well, that is, if Irish Fury hasn't beat you to it.
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"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.
"life is precious, you must not have watched The Lion King, you heartless fuck"
She looks like she bruises easily.
I think Jennifer DOES care... and I think her publicists need to stop this.
Nothing about her flopped movies and stagnant acting, just her and the Brad/Angelina triangle again.
~yawn~
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Grow up, Demi, and do coke off toilet seats like the rest of us adults do!- Michael K, 1/26/12
This has probably already been said, but I will repeat it-
The "engagement" was just another attempt at remaining relevant. The Pitt-Jolies have not been in the press the last several months as they had been. Interest was waning and new people are taking over Hollywood, SO how do you get ALLLLLLL the attention back on you ASAP? Get engaged, and give the idiotic fans something to talk about for the next few months, garnering more publicity.
I would be very shocked if this wedding took place this year or next.
As Pitt said "It's a promise for the FUTURE!".
As if two people, together for 7 yrs or so, with 500 kids are all in love and giddy over getting married. So pointless. Elope, and STFU! No one but the mentally impaired are excited.
God that's a lot of grey.
I do think they are so OTT with this whole engagement thing considering they've been living as married people for yonks now. When it's been that long you don't get engaged - you just go and get married.
BUT - I also know that paps at this point in the proceedings would all be screeching, 'Show us the ring! Show us the ring!" if they see her anywhere. So I'm not going to go too wild on the granny purse pose.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 12:15pm.
Hey! I carry my handbag in the crook of my elbow.
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I can't hear you, let me turn up my hearing aids.
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Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 12:11pm.
Thanks. A friend picked it out actually. (re: avi).
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Best friend EVER!!! Your avi always makes me smile. Aannd stay away from sweets.
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I ate fiberglass insulation. It wasn't cotton candy like the guy said... my tummy itches. -- Brick Tamaland