Good News, OctoMom Is Open To Doing Fap Porn
Seen here making the “giving two handjobs to two men on stilts” pose, OctoMom has swore on her arch-less minus sign brows that she’d do almost anything for money, but one thing she will never do for a check is rub her c-section scar on another naked human being. Howard Stern called into the whatcomesafterz-lister chat line, Dial-A-Star, and paid the $14 a minute rate to have phone sex with Octo. Click here if you need to hear that today, but if you’d much rather assault your eyes than assault your ears with Octo’s “toddler after taking its first hit of meth” voice, I’ve transcribed it below:
HS: How you doing, honey?
OM: (giggles)
HS: Why can’t you just chill a little bit?
OM: IknowImsohighstrungIthinkpeoplekingofgetoffonthatbutthen..
HS: I bet you’re a good kisser.
OM: EWWW! Idontknowitsgotcobwebsdownthererambleramble-
HS: I’m picturing my cock in your mouth to shut you up.
OM: I got icicles everywhere. Everywhere. Soyoudjustrambleramble-
HS: It doesn’t matter. I’m trying to have phone sex with you.
OM: It doesn’t matter iciclesrambleramble-
HS: Why don’t you grab one of those diapers and shove it in your bleep hole-
OM: ramblerambleramblerambleramrambleramble
Then, Gina, the madam of the Dial-A-Star, told Howard that she’s trying to convince Octo to accept pornier offers including tapping her exit only baby chute on camera. Howard asked Octo about doing solo porn and she said that she’s thinking about it:
“I don’t know yet. I’d have to really reflect on that. It depends on how much I’m offered.
The only thing I’ll never do is give my body to another for money. That’s one thing I’ll never do…I don’t want them to have any resentment 20 years from now.”
Oh, Octo doesn’t have to worry about her child army resenting her for doing porn. They’re going to resent her either way. They can’t even spell “resentment” and they already know they resent her crazy ass. You know who I resent? Howard Stern. I resent him for putting the image of a diaper dildo in my head. I also resent myself, because while typing that headline, I was a few keystrokes away from accidentally typing “pap smear porn” instead. Even I can’t Google that last one… (Okay, I just did and why am I not surprised that Vanessa Hudgens came up as the second picture?)