Hot Slut Of The Day!

Rhino, the hamster who died of natural hamster causes at the age of 4, was buried in the backyard and then rose from the dead a day later. Do we pay homage to his second born day by drunkenly painting eggs before passing out face first onto a Honey Baked Ham or do we prepare for the hamster zombie awwwwpocalypse?

The most shocking part of all of this is that this piece of highly important world news doesn’t come from the prolific literary chronicle The Daily Mail! It comes from The Sun. (Note: If Rhino had cellulite or cankles, The Daily Mail would be all over this shit.)

David Eyley of Oxfordshire tells The Sun that a day after he buried the family hamster Rhino in a two-foot deep grave, a neighbor called him to say that he saw that bitch alive and well. David didn’t believe it at first, but Rhino’s resurrection was confirmed when he caught that ho:

“He’s a plucky little soul and seems unaffected by being dead and buried. He had rigor mortis when I buried him, and now he’s running about. We’re stunned – but happy to have him back.”

David has renamed Rhino “Jesus” and I’m sure the Crystal Cathedral will put on a Glory of Hamster Easter pageant next April.

The only hamster I had found ways to escape from her cage almost every night. I even put a stack of books on top of her cage door and she still found a way to get out. So yeah, I’ve always known that hamsters are like the Shawshank Redemption on speed.

And something something Richard Gere.