Yeah, Jennifer Aniston Is Totally Going To Brangelina's Wedding

It's been approximately 3 seconds (aka the length of a quick queef) since Brangelina announced that they're getting hitched and the tabloids are already stirring the fuckery by bringing Jennifer Aniston into this shit. If you thought you had a few days of breathing before the tabloids hit their covers with the headline "JEN PLANS TO CRASH BRAD'S WEDDING! VINCE & OWEN WILL HELP!", you were wrong. Hollywood Life (the "f" is silent) says that Jen isn't handling the news by making a noose out of Beanie Babies carcasses, she's happy for Brangelina and she's even thinking about going to the wedding. Okay, who gave Maddox the number to Hollywood Life and who told him it was okay to a prank a bitch? The source said this mess of words:

“Jennifer is happy for Brad and Angelina. She is so in love with Justin, that she is really grateful how things turned out. In a strange way if it weren’t for Angelina, Jennifer would not have connected with Justin in a romantic way. Jennifer is in a really wonderful place right now. I wouldn’t be surprised if she even went to their wedding.”

If there's a wedding, I'm sure Jen will be invited and I'm sure she'll tackle Maddox as he drops rose petals along the aisle. I wish. The chances of this happening are about as slim as the chances of my fingers turning into tiny peens (I pray every night for this). Jen isn't going to the wedding, but only because she physically can't since she'll be stuck in a sarcophagus of cookie dough. No, I'm sure Jen will do what we're all going to do. Sit back and watch Angie try to snatch a married Brad away from herself. Let's see how good of a homewrecker she truly is.

Posted by: Michael K

•

Submitted by star842 on Fri, 09/28/2012 - 10:44pm.

I wouldnt just let someone steal my husband. If someone stole my husband id kick their ass. Jen should have had kids with Brad so he wouldnt wonder off. You cant really blame Brad for being a guy its Jen's fault she didnt know how to work it with Brad.
If he were my husband I would have got pregnant right away. How are you gonna fuck Brad Pitt for seven years and not get pregnant it never crossed your mine Jen? thats a long time everyone gets a fair chance lol. Brad's been with so many women in hollywood hes given everyone a fair chance.

Submitted by zhangxiao on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 3:20am.

wer

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ewer

Submitted by Dame Chupacabra on Mon, 04/16/2012 - 7:54am.

What are those wax figures wearing??

Team Cameeeerrrrroooon!

Submitted by K2 on Sun, 04/15/2012 - 11:39am.

I think the quote goes something like... "just when you thought you were out. They pull you back in."

***********

Wasnt that from Scarface?

Submitted by K2 on Sun, 04/15/2012 - 11:19am.

Seriously, why an engagement, anyway? They have 6 kids and have been living together for 7 years! Who has an engagement at this point... why not just get married? FUCK the engagement ring - he should just get her a wedding band! This screams , PR! Anything to stay relevant. When you have no movie to promote -- promote yourself!

Submitted by Hockey fan on Sun, 04/15/2012 - 10:31am.

Submitted by IHateCharityChic on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 4:19pm.

I am laughing at how Kardashian all of this is.

God, this is going to be the world's longest summer for those of us who have long understood that what these two are really doing is marketing a global brand, not having an actual relationship. Like Kim, they'll squeeze every last drop of PR they can just out of the engagement.

these two Kardashian-style famewhores.

That's my prediction.
^^^^^^^^
Charity,
WORD. Sorry for the edits on your post but damn, you hit the nail on the head. I knew when Brangeloonie first hooked up and did that mock "W" magazine cover of them posing as the perfect nuclear family with model children, that we were in for a looooooong ride for these two famewhores. Even though, of course,they weren't fucking back then or anything.. .it was just to promote a movie, they said. So why should we believe ANYTHING they say now? Actors are nothing more than professional liars, and seeing as how they both buy so heavily into their own celebrity, it's not surprising.

I believe "Kardashian" will become the new adjective of the decade... as in "it's all so Kardashian".

****
There's a difference between a cougar and a barn cat.

Submitted by moomarse on Sun, 04/15/2012 - 8:49am.

plus, I just don't think they're really getting married anyway..... they're "engaged with no date planned. There will NEVER be a date planned or done, IMO.

it's just another ploy to stay relevant.... promo for a movie and that is all.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Fuckery is what fuckery does.

Submitted by moomarse on Sun, 04/15/2012 - 8:47am.

Holy Fucks! Does that fuckery exist somewhere? I'd be so pissed paying admission to a wax theatre and see that shit!!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Fuckery is what fuckery does.

Submitted by softness1 on Sun, 04/15/2012 - 7:28am.

Congrats to them!! They deserve each other. Karma is a bitch. We all know Brad has the wandering eye. Where is that assistant he was always touchy freely with. And with Angie it's that once an addict always an addict feel. Meanwhile whether Jen is single or not she looks great!! She really dodge a fucking bullet with the Haggards. Angie all veiny and boney. Brad looking like shit. I know their glam squad are gazillionaires cuz they pull off miracles for the red carpet

Submitted by Daniee on Sun, 04/15/2012 - 2:51am.

Submitted by parissucksliterally on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 10:32am.

Diana, I am not a loonie for either, but how can you make the comment about Jen's hair, when Angie has never changed hers? Her's has been the same for a decade.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I truly thought that she's been sporting a wig for the last 4 years. It looks really dead.

Submitted by IrishFury on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 8:41pm.

Submitted by Tatiana on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 5:18pm.

Thanks to this engagement, Jennifer Aniston just secured another two or three years of fame, whether she makes more crummy movies or not. Bitch is gonna milk this for all it's worth. You can bet that in 2014 she'll still be bringing up the subject, just so she can go on and on about how much she doesn't care about it. The media will eat that shit up and she knows it. Blah.
************************************

I hate to give you this reality check, but Jen simply doesn't give a shit!
________________________________
Dark-sided!

Submitted by Libra on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 8:40pm.

Wow... didn't think Brad would be stupid enough to put a ring on it but DAMN... guess he really is dumb as a box of rocks!!
Who cares really? Feels like they've been married for 4-5 years already!
Can someone say PUBLICITY STUNT !?!

Submitted by Stan Derp on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 8:40pm.

I could give two shits if they got married or not but if it gives me the chance to once again see a Zahara side-eye it will all be worth it.

http://ll-media.tmz.com/2011/01/17/celeb-zahara-jolie-pitt-240x285.jpg

Submitted by WickedSwitch on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 4:19pm.

Submitted by Tatiana on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 5:18pm.

------------------------

Well, Aniston won't have to do a thing, but keep breathing.

The news is only a couple of days old now, right? And she's already been pulled in back in the triangle by all and sundry

I think the quote goes something like... "just when you thought you were out. They pull you back in."

Submitted by Tatiana on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 3:48pm.

Submitted by IHateCharityChic on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 2:49pm.

From the engagement roll-out, the engagement ring photo-op, the press releases, the TV interviews from the Jeweler, the People magazine exclusives, I am laughing at how Kardashian all of this is.

Meanwhile, Aniston and Theroux will probably quietly get married on a beach in Hawaii where they probably got engaged last year without all of the PR fanfare. And we'll only find out about the wedding after it's happened.

And then the loons will blame Aniston for trying to upstage the saints even though she's probably been engaged a lot longer than these two Kardashian-style famewhores.

That's my prediction.

Submitted by Russler on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 1:57pm.

The biggest question now, of course, is the wedding gown. Will it be a "leg" dress? Will she pop the leg out during the ceremony or just for the pictures after? Will she have the Oscar dress done it white so she'll already be familiar with it? If she has it done in white, will the gods rain down hail and thunder on her blasphemy?

Submitted by Anonymous101 on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 1:13pm.

Submitted by Ellie May on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 2:23pm.
Speaking of Brad Pitt Ex's, think GOOPY will get an invitation?

*************************************************************

Ya know, this is one time that I hope Goopy is asked for a statement and she gives an extra cunty response like she did when Ben Affleck got married ;)

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Kitten Kaboodle - a Disney ho who did the ho stroll right ;)

Submitted by joe shmoe on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 1:06pm.

That AngieJo mannequin looks *exactly* like that bitchy Courtney ho who ended up with Ben Flajnik on last season's Bachelor.

************

Submitted by Vermithrax on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 12:55pm.

Shit that made me laugh. Gracias MK.

Submitted by Ellie May on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 12:53pm.

Speaking of Brad Pitt Ex's, think GOOPY will get an invitation?

Classic Brad-n-GOOPY matching hair cuts:

http://img.ezinemark.com/imagemanager1/files/2010/2/1/brad_pitt/brad-pit...

Submitted by Andrei on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 12:23pm.

Hehe! Thanks! I oughta make some...

Submitted by Jintess on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 12:08pm.

Submitted by Andrei on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 1:01pm.

That
is
AWESOME

Submitted by Hockey fan on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 11:35am.

Submitted by Sweet Cinnibuns on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 3:47am.

Just curious...when you look at the world through Brangeloonie goggles, does Angelina still have that giant throbbing vein that looks like it's going to burst out of her forehead or does it only exist in real life? How about those freaky bulging snakey ones going around her claw fingers and arms? Oh and let me guess, she's like really curvaceous and sexy too right?

^^^^^^^^^^^^^

LMAO. Her vein scares me. I think it's like in Alien, about her burst out and eat all of us.

And of course, you know that Angelina isn't really skinny, right? The camera makes her lose 15 pounds every time!! She's the only person in the world this happens to! THE CAMERA HATES HER!! IT'S NOT HER FAAAAAAULLLLT!!! (say the Brangeloonies)

Submitted by Andrei on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 11:31am.

Submitted by Jintess on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 12:47pm.

Check it out: http://scifi.about.com/od/starwarsstufffandom/r/SWAR_blue-milk.htm

Blue milk!

Submitted by Hockey fan on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 11:27am.

Submitted by BernardProfitendieu on Fri, 04/13/2012 - 11:15pm.

sure, she is! If that pathetic loser is in such a wonderful place, why does she have all her surrogates speed dialing the tabloids with these laughable comments an hour after the engagement was announced? Bitch is curled up in a fetal position with her 18 foul smelling cats

^^^^^^^^^^
GODDAMMIT who left the loony door open?? FML

****
There's a difference between a cougar and a barn cat.

Submitted by Andrei on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 11:25am.

Submitted by Hockey fan on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 12:51pm.

I totally agree. I think the only difference here is that out of all three of them, there are maybe only a handful of actually note-worthy movies.

Submitted by Hockey fan on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 11:21am.

And, being an older person here, I will give you a bit of Hollywood History, and how the tabloids shape everything:

This is LIz/Debbie/Eddie all over again. Eddie Fisher was married to Debbie Reynolds and he left her for the "grieveing widow" of his best friend, Elizabeth Taylor. It was all evil and catty and played up in the tabloids for years. Even when Elizabeth died last year, they were still bringing it up, and this happened like in 1960!!

The funny thing was, Liz and Debbie made up years later (they had been best friends as well) and both agreed that Eddie was a total assbag and they were both better off without him!

That being said, the tabloids will shape anything to how they want it to sound...and they will never EVER let Jen escape from the Brangeloonie net bc it SELLS. People still lap shit up about the three of them, and why?? ESCANDALOSO!!

It's all stupid and pointless. Thank God for my mother, who got me interested in Hollywood gossip and told me, "Don't believe a word of it. It's all lies." She was the first person to tell me Rock Hudson was gay...I don't know how she knew, but when he went public with AIDS, we weren't surprised.

****
There's a difference between a cougar and a barn cat.

Submitted by Jintess on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 11:17am.

Star Wars had blue milk???

Submitted by Hockey fan on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 11:14am.

Jesus on a pony. I hate to even comment on this bc I hate these two egotistical twats so much. BUT, for god's sake, WHY WHY WHY bring up Jennifer? Her marriage to that douche was over years ago. WHY is she part of this story? I bet she regrets ever marrying that assbag, bc her name will forever be linked to these two wastes of space and oxygen.

****
There's a difference between a cougar and a barn cat.

Submitted by scallywagy on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 10:59am.

Kids, this is a winner. Brad and Pitt become immortalized. Tabloid mags come in for the ride. Sudden secret rumors eventually emerge. Studio heads release more blockbusters. Kim Kardashian invited to advise couple on a possible reality show off their wedding. Sudden shock revelations of infidelity (could you imagine?) You and me biting our finger nails off. Surprise reconciliation. Angie walking down the aisle, Brad winking at Kim Kardashian, paparazzi punching each other in the face to get the best shot....Jennifer Aniston weeping behind the cloisters,,,,,yep I can't wait for it all to begin.....

http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2012/04/brangelina-engaged-finally/

Submitted by zomay on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 10:43am.

Submitted by Deb on Sat, 04/14/2012 -11:12am.

-True! And Puss in Boots never wore that belt! ;)

.............................

Xoxoxo

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 10:15am.

Submitted by K2 on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 9:41am.
Submitted by BernardProfitendieu on Fri, 04/13/2012 - 11:09pm.

I can't wait for the inevitable day when Justin gets sick of Aniston's narcissism and throws that skank to the curb
**************

Why the hard-on for this woman?

You cant wait for her to get thrown to the curb? As if she has personally wronged you. YOU FUCKIN' FREAK!

*******************

AMEN! This "Bernard" person is a freakin' obsessed loon. The ONLY times she/he comments, the comments are about Aniston, even if the post has nothing to do with her. I think Bernard might be a little bit crazy. No normal person has THAT much hatred for a woman who has done nothing to her and has ZERO relevance in her/his life.

Oh yeah, and how DARE Aniston be the FIRST Mrs.Pitt! How dare she be pissed at his cheating, and how dare she speak of their relationship when ASKED! The nerve of some people!

Submitted by Andrei on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 10:12am.

Just a funny comment I read from another site:

"I only come back for the Jolie posts to talk about her freekish veins. Years of high pressure crazy has made those veins on her hand look like a washed out colon filled with that blue milk from star wars."

Submitted by OXA on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 10:09am.

Submitted by mastixa on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 10:17am.
All I want to know is whether George Clooney is going to be the best man. I really see him catching the bouquet.

I imagine he will be delighted to accompany Jennifer Aniston who could be the maid of honor.

Submitted by joanne on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 9:58am.

These to media hos should have married a few children ago.
Aniston didn't 'lose' much with Pitt. He looks old and smelly.

Submitted by Pimpcessa on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 9:56am.

Off topic, but American Apparrell really needs to reconsider that woman in the green, one piece butt flosser ad to the right>>>>>>>>

Not that she's got a bad body, but that's just not the right suit for her ass-etts

__________________________________________________________
I'm your huckleberry...

Submitted by Lory on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 9:52am.

Submitted by Banilla Bagina on Fri, 04/13/2012 - 10:42pm.
aniston would get major points of she showed up wearing the new 'derriere' dress (cut out butt dress) i think mk had on here yesterday.also on the daily mail.."angie,i'll see your LEG and raise you an ass"
---------------------
LMFAO!!! Please Lord! Make that happen! XD

_______________________________________________
Let me dirty up your mind.

Submitted by Pimpcessa on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 9:51am.

I love how the loons get so indignant about Jen having the gall to even speak the names of one of Brangies chirruns. My god, Jen was asked in an interview whether or not there's really this huge animosity between them and she laughed and jokingly said something to the effect that "oh come on, Maddox and I hang out". Or something really innocent like that.

But, damned if those loons didn't go apeshit and call for her be-heading for having the NERVE TO EVEN SPEAK HIS NAME. Insanity so blatant and obvious, it's no wonder they live in loonyville, they can't see or hear the truth.

__________________________________________________________
I'm your huckleberry...

Submitted by Deb on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 9:42am.

Submitted by zomay on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 11:06am.

Snow White never wore those shoes....
---------------------------
True! And Puss in Boots never wore that belt! ;)

"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson

Submitted by Granny Clampett on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 9:44am.

I see a Jon and Kate plus 8 ending to this story. Wimpy and weak-ass husband is going to get sick of harpy wife's ball-busting ways and hook up with some methed out college chick and act like a total douchebag. Ugly divorce follows. Years of annoyance ahead when both parties fail to realize that they're useless and refuse to fade out of the public eye. Kids will need years of extensive therapy from being pimped out by their fame whore parents. Everybody loses. The End.

"When I'm good I'm very good but when I'm bad I'm better." ~Mae West

Submitted by zomay on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 9:36am.

Snow White never wore those shoes....

................................

Worrying is using your imagination
to create something you don’t want.

Submitted by Pimpcessa on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 9:34am.

Oooops, I meant... "What's that old saying about how you should always be sure to cut ties with a person if they really fuck you over, even when you forgive them, because your face will be the constant reminder of the shitty thing they did to you"?

__________________________________________________________
I'm your huckleberry...

Submitted by Pimpcessa on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 9:32am.

The only reason the loons hate Jennaaaaaaay so much is because, just her face, is a constant reminder of the nasty shit Brangelina pulled.

What's that old saying about how you be sure to cut ties with a person if the really fuck you over, even when you forgive them, because they your face will be the constant reminder of the shitty thing they did to you?

__________________________________________________________
I'm your huckleberry...

Submitted by RandéSleepover on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 9:28am.

Submitted by mastixa on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 10:39am.

God is willing to bend the rules a little to make this happen. Meanwhile, JA--dressed as I.M. Pei--trips Clooney as he prances down the aisle, pulls off her Scooby Doo mask, and throws herself sobbing around Brad's legs. People would totally pay a lot for those shots.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Please: It's "rahnday."

Submitted by mastixa on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 9:09am.

Submitted by RandéSleepover on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 10:33am.

Submitted by mastixa on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 10:17am.

All I want to know is whether George Clooney is going to be the best man. I really see him catching the bouquet.

hahaha. Or slipping the garter off Brad.

-----------

If God is good, the moment the priest asks if anyone has objections, Clooney will come running out, disheveled from yearning, stop the wedding and profess his love to Brad. I need this to happen.

Submitted by islandgirl on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 9:07am.

Submitted by KeyLimePie on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 10:33am..
---------------------

So it took Brad a year to design AngieJo's ring?
----------
I can just hear that conversation with the jeweler now:

"Um, something sparkly and purdy--- yup, that'll do. Just send it C.O.D., Maddox will sign for it."

Submitted by RandéSleepover on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 9:03am.

Submitted by mastixa on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 10:17am.

All I want to know is whether George Clooney is going to be the best man. I really see him catching the bouquet.

hahaha. Or slipping the garter off Brad.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Please: It's "rahnday."

Submitted by KeyLimePie on Sat, 04/14/2012 - 9:03am.

Agree with @SalmaNella: Jen had Brad when he was hotter, it didn't take him 7 years and 3 kids to propose to Jen, and now Jen's got Justin, plus all the action in between. It probably drives Ang crazy.

So it took Brad a year to design AngieJo's ring? And no wedding date is set?
Two words for this engagement: BUYING TIME

Two words for the wedding IF it happens: PUBLICITY STUNT

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