Things That Will Exist: A Marilyn Monroe Reality Show

Because Lindsay Lohan and every other bottom of the barrel ho dressing up as her in a photo shoot for Harper’s Bazaar Uzbekistan hasn’t completely made Marilyn Monroe roll down through the earth’s crust, a TV production company and her estate (that’s cold) are working together on a reality show that will look for Hollywood’s newest “it” girl. Lindsay Lohan, don’t you dare drop your coke straw to pick up a pen to fill out an application for this mess. I said “girl” not “ghoul.”

The plot, or whatever you call it, for this sacrilegiousness sounds like a mess and it honestly makes LiLo’s Marilyn Monroe obsession seem completely healthy and not at all fucked up. Here’s the few sentences about this soon-to-be disaster from Deadline that are making me want to murder my TV and make it look like a suicide:

Entertainment One has teamed with the Estate of Marilyn Monroe to develop and produce Finding Marilyn, a competition reality series that will emulate Monroe’s journey to stardom by featuring twelve young girls as they travel to Los Angeles to compete for a chance to become the next Hollywood “it” girl.

Emulate Marilyn’s journey? In the hell? The makers of this need to compete in a reality show called Finding A FUCKING ASS CLUE since they have none.

Once the winner beats the other Norma Jeans (that’s totally what they’re going to call them), she’ll win a lifetime of sadness and a lethal dose of barbiturates. Then when she’s gone, the whores of Hollywood and beyond can spit all over her image in every medium. It’s the cycle of butchery. May the odds ever be in your BARF.