Number five on my bucket list is to type the phrase “Betty White’s Twatter” at least once in my life and now I can check that box off, because Betty White has turned the Tweet birds into a choir of angels by officially joining Twitter last night. In just a few hours, our national treasure collected 105,043 followers, which is around 40 less than the notches on Blanche Devereaux’s bedpost. Who cares if Betty only joined that shit to pimp her Werther’s Originals Fun Time Hour Of Old People Pranks. Who cares if a young ass intern who thinks the Golden Girls was an E! reality show about a spray tan salon in Sherman Oaks is doing the typing for her. Who cares? I’ll say the same shit I say when I show up to a Craigslist trick’s apartment and quickly realize the picture he sent me was his head on Ryan Gosling’s body: I’ll take what I can get!
That being said, can Betty White please leave Gaycrest out of this? I just looked at pictures of a shovel-chinned Leno whore in lingerie and my head didn’t barf my eyeballs out, so obviously I have a high-tolerance for dark-sided images, but I really didn’t need to visualize Betty White and Ryan Gaycrest sharing the same slot. Not today.