And Yet, Jessica Simpson Is STILL Pregnant

April 10, 2012 / Posted by:

As Jessica Simpson’s unborn baby celebrates her 2nd unbirthday with an amniotic fluid pool party, her ex’s wife decided that somebody needs to give birth and popped out a boy. Yes, Chace Crawford is a tia now! Tia Chace! Tony Romo and his wife Candice Crawford (who sort of looks like Chace if you squished his face and threw a blond wig on his head) pushed out this statement to UsWeekly:

“Hawkins Crawford Romo is now a part of the Dallas Cowboys family. He came into this world on 4/9/12 at 5:30 p.m., 8 lbs. and 8 oz. All is well with mom.”

HAWKINS CRAWFORD ROMO?! Doesn’t that just plop off of the tongue like a concrete brick. Try not saying that out loud or a stranger bitch might give you the Heimlich maneuver since it’ll sound like you’re choking on a chicken bone. Hawkins Crawford Romo does not belong on a birth certificate, but it does belong in bronze letters on the door of a damn law firm in the San Fernando Valley. And I bet their stupid asses are going to call him Hawk. Hawk Romo. You know, they should call him Hawk Romo, because that’s actually a good name since it sounds like an amateur gay porn star turned WWE wrestler turned bounty hunter.

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