Amanda Bynes Doesn’t Ever Drink The Sweet Nectar, So Says Her Dad

April 9, 2012 / Posted by:

This mug shot of Amanda Bynes with her hair the color of first time butt sex discharge was taken after she was arrested for allegedly sideswiping a cop car while driving under the influence, but her daddy says this isn’t so. Putting his certificate from White Oprah’s Night School of Enabling to good use, Rick Bynes (let’s call him, White Montel) tells People that Amanda couldn’t have been drunk on the night she was arrested, because her tongue touching booze is as foreign to her as working is. Rick says that Amanda blew a zero on the Breathalyzer and claims that the cop brought her in because she was emotional. “Miss, your ass is under arrest for driving under the influence of your own emotions!” Rick explained it like this to People:

“She was not drunk. I was told that she blew a zero on the Breathalyzer. She didn’t have a single drink that night. My daughter doesn’t drink. She was arrested because she was upset and very emotional.

She is a good girl. She just chooses not to work, and because of that, people go after her.”

Rick Bynes is obviously standing by his daughter and I’m sure Amanda told him that reading an intense psalm at bible study class, where she was coming from that night, rocked her dizzy and caused her to clip a cop car. But I have a bag of exotic tanned coke (it’s brown sugar) to sell him if he actually believes this shit. Ho was twisted up on something and she went back for more.

TMZ says that less than 12 hours after she was released from the clink, Amanda went back to the bar at The Standard, the same place she boozed up at the night before. The Standard knew about her DUI arrest and denied her ass. They told that bitch to pivot and go, because they didn’t want to be “associated with her in case she pulled a repeat performance.”

Why was Amanda trying to go to the same bar, anyway? Did she think she was going to waltz in and the bartenders would cheer for her triumphant return as the regulars toasted to her first DUI? That shit ain’t Cheers, bitch! That right there is called hitting rock Lohan.

Speaking of, Lindsay Lohan wasn’t at The Standard on Thursday night, but Amanda Bynes was…. The plot thickens!

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