Jason Trainwreck Will Soon Own Half Of Brit Brit!!!! (Insert Maniacal Cackle Here)

April 7, 2012 / Posted by:

Daddy Spears has long been the one who’s in charge of stirring the pot of Velveeta grits that Brit Brit calls life, and soon her fiancé Jason Trawick will also get his own plastic ladle. Daddy Spears filed papers yesterday asking the court to add Sam Mer-LESS as one of Brit Brit’s conservators. Jason will get legal control of his soon-to-be wife and Daddy Spears will remain the head bitch in charge of her money. Yeah, this doesn’t sound creepy at all.

People says that it was Daddy Spears’ idea to add Jason since he’s going to marry the Louisiana trailer park blossom sometime soon. A source says that Jason won’t get a map to the Fayva shoe box where Brit Bit keeps her fortune, but he will have control of her “well-being.” A legal source type gave his professional opinion about this mess to People:

“This is a very unusual situation, because generally you don’t see conservatees get married. This could be a sign that the couple’s wedding is around the corner.

This is probably a compromise between Britney, her father and Trawick to get the marriage off on the right foot. Obviously, her future husband needs to have a say in her well being.”

There’s something Boxing Helena-ish about this shit. Marriage is already a prison sentence for your genitals (unless you’re marrying Anderson Cooper and then it’s a never-ending real-life dream sequence for your genitals) and now Jason Trainwreck will get to legally pull on Brit’s puppet strings? There’s always been something shady about that Jason trick. Jason reminds me of that sleazy husband in an episode of 48 Hours Mystery whose neighbors say that he’s such a friendly man and there’s no way he had anything to do with his wife’s death. That bitch. I mean, you can never trust a man who would be played by Robert Patrick (aka the go-to-actor to play a creeper) in the Lifetime movie of his life.

But then again, it could be worse. If it wasn’t for Daddy Spears and Jason controlling Brit, she’d probably be lip-synching out her greatest hits in the middle of an am/pm to pay for her Frapps and Adderall addiction.

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