Nicole Kidman Is Going To Play Grace Kelly

April 6, 2012 / Posted by:

If you’re devastated by this news, then I’ll wait here as you do the silent cry wall slide against a wall that isn’t as hard as Nicole Kidman’s forehead. All done? Okay, so The Hollywood Reporter is saying that ice cold ice queen Nicole Kidman is in talks to play ice cold ice queen Grace Kelly in Grace of Monaco. Slap yourself with an ice dildo if you’re calling it a biopic, because it’s not a biopic. It will focus on a 6 month period in 1962 when Grace Kelly was 33 years old and trying to save Monaco from getting coup-ed up by France. The dude who directed La Vie en rose will also direct this.

My outrage over hos playing old time Hollywood legends in movies was used up on Lindsay Lohan leaving a freckled skid mark all over the image of Elizabeth Taylor, so I’m not mad at this. Yes, January Jones was born out of a block of ice to play this role, but there are a lot worse things in life than human tampon popsicle Nicole Kidman playing Grace Jones (typo and it stays for the visuals alone) in a movie. Something worse than that is using Head & Shoulders to fap in the shower. Don’t do that unless your genitals are Botoxed like Nicole Kidman’s face so you won’t be able to feel a sting like no other.

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